I just got the chance to interview Daniel Harper, one of my friends from the dating and self-help community. He recently wrote a killer ebook about how to use some of the principles of successful poker players to become better with women. In the interview, we cover the link between poker and dating, how Daniel has used his own theories, his thoughts on getting over an ex-girlfriend and what he’s up to next. Enjoy!

The link between poker and dating

I discovered the link between poker and dating when I hit a major slump in my dating life after college that was so emotionally devastating that I gave up and threw myself into other activities to take my mind away from my failures with women. One of those activities was poker. This was right when the poker boom was beginning. Before that, I only knew the basics, but now there was suddenly all this information available–books, online poker forums, etc… I’m an extremely compulsive person when I get excited about something new, so I ended up being one of the few people who could consistently make money playing poker, but after awhile I started to become depressed because I was still so lonely.

Even through all of the misfortune I was having with my failure to attract the kind of women I was interested in, I still felt that I had a lot to offer. So, for me at least, it wasn’t a matter of thinking there was something wrong with ME. It was that there was something wrong about the way I went about attracting women.

Breaking down the game

And so I decided to break my whole “game” down by taking a hard look not just at my actions, but also the mindset that drove them. Clearly I wasn’t doing something right. I wasn’t sure how to fix the problem, but I figured if I could identify what was going wrong, then I’d figure the rest out later.

Then it just sort of hit me out of nowhere how many similarities there are between successful poker players and guys who are successful in picking up women. And so what I did is model what I call my “recovery” after my approach to the game of poker.

The real advantage in this was that I already knew that I wasn’t a naturally gifted poker player. I was able to play winning poker NOT by making a bunch of amazing moves on my opponents, but rather by eliminating from my game most of the common mistakes that other players make.

Having that experience gave me a lot of confidence that this approach could work. Because for me it meant that you didn’t have to be a born winner with girls to find success in dating and romance.

Daniel started using his own theories…

My approach was the entire foundation for me rebuilding my love life. I’ve since refined some of it, so I can’t say I followed what’s in the guide word-for-word, but I definitely credit the poker principles I outline for my readers with helping me find and attract my wife, a lovely woman who’s absolutely perfect for me.

Here’s why: By the time I’d met my now-wife I’d gained a huge amount of confidence–and more importantly competency–in HOW to interact with women that I was interested in. Success builds success when it comes to dating and attraction. And what basing my dating life on fundamental poker principles and strategy helped me do was break the negative, confidence-destroying cycle that led me to be anxious around women instead of comfortable and at ease.

Ex-girlfriend coping advice

If I had a friend who had a hard time getting over his ex-girlfriend, this is what I would tell him: The first thing I’d tell him is to throw himself into some sort of self-improvement activity that’s just for HIM. Pick an activity that excites him, then set some goals around it. For example, if you’re a fan of mixed martial arts, go join an Jiu Jitsu class and set a goal of becoming a yellow belt in 6 months.

The reason I’d recommend this first is to put time and emotional distance between him and the old relationship. A lot of your buddies are going to tell you to just get out there and meet more women, but if a guy is relationship focused and has recently been through a painful breakup, then he’ll tend to bring all that baggage to the dating process.

The clearing process
I think there needs to be a clearing process that allows you to gain some emotional distance from your old relationship before you start thinking about finding a new girlfriend. And the reason is that you can’t have healthy relationships unless YOU are emotionally healthy.

The way you get here is analyzing and learning from your past mistakes, then growing and moving forward. But you can’t get there right on the heels of a breakup. You’re just too emotional to have the proper perspective.

This advice ties in pretty closely to my overarching philosophy about attraction, dating and relationships–and it’s that all of these things are skills which can be improved with training and dedication. Some guys are just born “getting” it, which is frustrating to the 90% of us who aren’t. But the good news is that it doesn’t have to be our destiny. Men CAN have success with women if they’re willing to be honest about what’s holding them back and work hard at improving their weaknesses.

What Daniel is up to next…

Right now I’ve got baby number 2 on the way, due here around Halloween. So that’s the big excitement in my life. I’m also roughing out an outline for a product that specifically targets the needs of men 40 and older who’d like to find themselves a nice woman to settle down with in a long term relationship, but don’t know how to go about it.

What I’m finding is that this is a demographic that gets overlooked by dating and pickup “gurus” because the advice they’re giving is so much more effective for guys in their 20′s and 30′s. I know this because the first thing I do is ask readers of my newsletter to fill out a short survey about their challenges and frustrations.
Hearing directly from other guys has been an eye-opening experience for me and has definitely influenced the kind of content I focus on.

It’s funny, you’d think that most guys just want to hear about how they can score with as many women as possible. But that’s not the case. What most guys want is to find the right woman and stay with her for life. I find that encouraging, actually. And I think other men should, too. The cheap hook-ups are fun, but nothing brings more happiness to your life than finding the right woman.

Note from Alex: If you want to learn more about what Daniel has to teach, you should definitely check out his smashing new ebook called “Stacking the Deck – A Poker Player’s Guide to Winning With Women“. (Disclaimer: affiliate link)

Breaking up is never easy. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are surrounding the break up or how strong you are, you may be left feeling vulnerable and out of control. This is particularly true if you were not the one who decided to end it.

Perhaps now is a good time to try something different. If you’re like the average guy, you probably date women that are generally in your own age group. It’s time you broke the mold. Why not date an older woman?

There are plenty of reasons you should consider dating an older woman, especially after a breaking up.

• 1. Maturity
  Let’s face it, younger women tend to bring drama to the table. You won’t have that with an older women, because they’re more mature. They’ve been there and done that, so they don’t waste their time overdramatizing situations. She won’t constantly ask where you’ve been or what you’re thinking. You’ll be completely free to be yourself.
• 2. Sexuality
  Older women have gotten over their sexual hang-ups and are all about pleasure. With younger women you may find that you are not on the same sexual page, perhaps she cannot handle your sexual prowess. But an older woman will be ready, willing, and able. She’s at her sexual pique, just like you.
• 3. They Care More
  Older women are more understanding, simply because they have been around the block already. They know what to say and do in the midst of a crisis, even if the crisis is yours. They are less selfish and more compassionate. As a man, you may not feel overwhelmed very often, but when you do you want a woman who’s going to stand by your side.
• 4. Less Pressure
  Younger women tend to be focused on getting married and starting a family, but maybe that’s not where your head is at right now. It can be a lot of pressure knowing that your girl is thinking about planning a wedding. Not with an older woman, she is in no hurry. Chances are, she may have been married in the past, so it’s probably not on her immediate agenda.

You might still experience a little angst from your past, but dating an older woman can help you to move on. It will open your mind to greater possibilities. You will find an entirely different world – one that focuses on honesty, mutual respect, and enjoying each other’s company.

Article by Oliver Jameson of dating site Cougared.

Image by DigitalART2. Thanks!

Once in a while, you meet someone who has got that little bit of extra. It’s pretty hard to define, she just has it. She is amazing and beautiful. She makes you smile.

She can turn up everywhere, anytime. At a party where you see her dancing and laughing with her friends like a silly little girl. On the streets where she drops something and looks all helpless. At a supermarket or in a shop where she just looks like she has it all together, rocking a super-sharp business suit and high-heels.

You do not see one of these women every day, noooo sir. At least that would surprise me. If you do, leave me a comment and tell me where you live, I’ll get there pronto!

And when you get to know her, she is still super cool. Even cooler, actually. Usually, she is special in some way. Rockin’ the guitar, painting like Picasso, an amazing dancer, Counter-Strike geek or just sweet as honey. Besides being beautiful, these girls usually have something else to them. Sometimes you can define it, sometimes you can’t. But you know you like it.

The mistake I see over and over again

I want to talk about what to do when you meet one of these women. Most likely, you do not fall for her the first time you see her. I do believe in ’love at first sight’, it is not impossible, but for the most part you will not start really liking a girl after at least a few times talking to her and/or being around her.

The mistake I see over and over again is that men fail to take action when one of these women swing into their lives. No, scratch that. I see two mistakes. First one is lack of taking action. The second one is almost as critical: putting her on a pedestal. Now this might sound counter-intuitive, after praising these women to the sky and beyond, but let me elaborate.

Don’t put her out of your reach!

All people are equal in value. That is our starting point. A beautiful woman is not worth more than an ugly one. We as individuals place those adjectives on them, it is not something they are, it is something we think they are. You may like beautiful women more than ugly women, and that is perfectly good, healthy and natural. After all, it is you who think that she is beautiful. Someone might just as well think that the girl you think is ugly is the most beautiful woman in the world. (I am aware of the fact that some women by the definition of the masses are more attractive than others, but let us look past that for just a moment.)

She’s only human

So what I want you to avoid when you meet one of these amazing women is to put her on a pedestal. You can raise her above others in the sense that she does something for you, but not more than that. No matter how divine-looking and  how much she smells of flowers and heaven, she is still just a human being. She is a woman with some of the same problems as everybody else.

Most likely, this woman knows she is good. People have most likely told her that she is beautiful all her life. What she wants is not another ass-licker.

She wants a man who also does something for her. She wants an equal. If her self-esteem is at the right place, she knows what she can get and how she can get it. I bet that you want her to want you.

So why doesn’t she want you?

Here comes a real shocker: how do you know? How do you know, really, that she does not want you?

Let me tell you this. The women we are talking about here are not like many other women. They do not settle for less than they know they are worth. Sometimes, you can mistake this trait for arrogance, and sometimes it is, but admit it: you kind of dig that about her. You like that she does not make out with half the club and that she is a challenge. You like that she most likely does not have sex on the first date. She takes a little bit of work, and she is all worth it.

And she doesn’t do these things to get an ego boost by keeping guys waiting. She is all above that. She does them to test you. That’s right. Test you to see if you are man enough for her and know what you really want.

Most of the guys in her life most likely haven’t had a clue what they have been doing when they were with her.

You

You are different. What you do when you meet this girl is that you are totally authentic. You know what you are and what you want. You are honest. That alone will set you apart from most other guys. You are upfront with your intentions.

What I want you to do

So what I want you to do when this woman comes by is to muster the courage to walk up to her and say hi. No tricks, no gimmicks. Let it flow, make her laugh, smile and look her in the eye. Relax, have fun.

You do not have to be nervous when talking to her, because you know that she is just like every other girl. And to top that, some guy, somewhere, is most likely tired of fucking her. Think about that for a minute.

What you shouldn’t do

What you shouldn’t do is to raise her above everybody else. And especially before getting to know her.

These women can make your life everything you’ve ever wanted. But they can also make it hell. The women you like the best are most likely the women who can fuck you up the most as well. Tread carefully if you are afraid of getting hurt.

I personally think that you should not be. Open yourself and accept whatever comes your way. Learn from your experiences. But it’s up to you. Just know what you are doing!

Bonus:

Usually, I do not like the advice from most PUA’s (pick-up artists), but I heard of an ’opener’ (way to start a conversation with a girl) worth mentioning. She has to sit by herself and look bored, or at least looks like she is not having any fun. Anyway, what you do is walk up to her. Do not look at her directly. Instead, look around her like you’ve lost something (think a pair of keys). Look all around her, underneath her, beside her, behind her. After you have looked around her, her curiosity will be sparked. Look her directly in the eyes, and say something along the lines of ”I am looking for a smile, can you help me find it?”

If you have got luck on your side and you do it right, she should smile right back at you. Even if you don’t take it any further than that, you will still have made a girl smile, and that by itself is pretty amazing. And continuing with some light banter and fun conversation should not be too hard, either. I think it’s a fun ’opener’ and I will definitely try it out when I get the chance. Unlike most other PUA material, this one is cute and authentic. It’s a way to open up a girl who would not otherwise have been interested in talking to you (if she were down in some kind of way and not willing to start a conversation with a stranger). She may also just look at you like you are some kind of weirdo, but hey, that’s a chance you have got to be willing to take. You win some, you lose some.

I’ll be sure to let you how it goes when I get to try it out.

Take care!

Images by Vincent Boiteau, Mark Sebastian, Alex Dram, San Diego Shooter and Daily Misery.

Note from Alex: This is a guest post from a woman. Her name is Nicola Lees, and she has been so kind to write about first dates and what to do (and don’t do!) on those. She gives some advice you can’t go too wrong on, so I’ll lend the word to Nicola…

As a single woman in London, I’ve been on a few first dates, most of them bad. They ranged from a guy who lied about his job (I didn’t care about his job, but I did care that he’d been dishonest), to one who was so nervous he couldn’t speak, and a man who neglected to inform me that I was on a date – I thought I was going to a business meeting. Dating, as far as I was concerned, was torture.

But when I moved to NYC, I learned the art of the successful date. My British friends urged me to online date, my NY friends warned me off, as Manhattan men never call for a second date. Rather than feel depressed, I saw this as an opportunity. After all, I was in NYC temporarily and to get involved in a serious relationship would have been too complicated.

However, I did want to make the most of my time in the city and meet some interesting people. What better way than by dating? Every date a different venue, so I really got to see the city, and every date with a different and interesting guy, whom I would never have otherwise met.

Safe in the knowledge that the men weren’t going to call me again, we were free from the awkward first date conversations about relationship expectations and I could ask them anything I wanted.

Because I knew they wouldn’t call, I didn’t have to worry about whether they liked me or not; it didn’t matter. It led to some really revealing and fascinating encounters. And guess what? They did call for second date. Why? Because they had fun.

Ambitious NY women who are looking for a husband book their dates like business meetings – often booking one at lunchtime and two in the evening. The men have 20 minutes to prove their worth as prospective husband/father material before the woman ticks them off her list and leaves for her next appointment.

My only agenda was to have an interesting night out, and because of that was relaxed about the outcome. It meant that I didn’t need to stress about getting my hair done, or buying a new outfit for a date. I just combed my hair, brushed my teeth and arrived on time and with a smile.

I went on a lot of dates and met many men (some of whom are now friends) and, after a lot of trial and error worked out how to guarantee a good date:

Choose your date carefully
Approach women who look and sound interesting, but don’t put pressure on yourself – if she’s not ‘the one’ it doesn’t matter; worst case scenario is you spend a couple of hours having a drink with someone. If you have a bad feeling about someone before you meet, you shouldn’t meet – listen to your gut instinct. Remember, your primary aim is to have a good night out.

Decide on a venue
If you take control and suggest a venue when you ask a woman out, you will immediately impress her. Many men are far too hesitant to suggest somewhere, which leads to frustrating and time wasting back and forth emails as you negotiate where to meet. This is definitely an occasion where it pays to be masterful. Don’t feel you have to try to impress her with an expensive restaurant. A cosy and casual café will do just as well (unless you prefer dating materialistic women). Have a list of places you’d like to go and things you’d like to do, then even if the date doesn’t lead anywhere at least you’ve ticked something off your ‘Things to Do Before I’m…’ list. If a date was being slow to suggest something, I would, which meant I went ice-skating in Central Park, rode the Coney Island roller coaster and went to a movie restaurant that was showing Dirty Dancing on four screens. It was revealing who was willing to roll with it, and who wasn’t. Needless to say, most of the good guys didn’t hesitate to roll (or ride) with me.

Don’t go for dinner
my first NYC date was a disaster. The guy had lied about his age, height, and job (and I’d originally agreed to a date only because I didn’t want to be rude). I knew as soon as I saw him that we had nothing in common, but we had a table booked. And so we had an excruciating dinner, which lasted around three hours as he insisted ordering three courses. Arrange to meet for a drink, and then escalate it to dinner if you are enjoying each other’s company.

Arrive early and sit somewhere obvious
Aside from the fact that it’s rude to be late, it pays to be early. You can scope out the bar and find a good seat. Arriving with ten minutes to spare means that you can relax and clear your mind of the day’s irritations so you can focus on your date conversation. And it’s always more stressful to be the one who arrives second as you have to scan the room while your eyes adjust to the light, not quite sure whether this person or that is your date (this particularly applies to blind and online dates), and leaves you flustered. Arrive first, keep an eye out for her and greet her with a smile and a wave so she doesn’t feel self-conscious.

Have a conversation starter planned
The start of the conversation is the most awkward. Combat this by launching into the ‘middle’ of a conversation, as you would when meeting a friend. For example, “I was just next door looking at some architecture books – I’m thinking of doing a course/building my own place,” gives her something to respond to that is more stimulating than “Did you find this place all right?” Before you know it you’ll have been chatting for an hour.

Remember that it should be a dialogue not a monologue
Ask her questions and listen to the answers before responding. Try not to express your opinions as fact. If you feel strongly about something, say so, but ask her what she thinks too – you’ll find out much more about your potential compatibility.

It’s not a confessional
I’ve been on a date with a guy who told me his girlfriend was moving out of his apartment the next morning, one who cut the date short to go and have dinner with his mother and another who told me he had just been diagnosed with cancer. Keep the first date light (this doesn’t give you a license to lie) and fun – save the important stuff for the second date (if there is one). If you don’t have a second date, it doesn’t matter, and you haven’t ruined a good night out.

Notice her body language and react accordingly
If she’s leaning towards you, playing with her hair, smiling, and sitting with her knees pointing in your direction, she’s into you. You can afford to touch her on her arm as you talk or put your arm around her as you leave, but don’t come on too strong. And if she’s leaning back, arms folded, tread with caution – she’s not yet convinced. It’s not necessarily a lost cause, but you have more work to do. Are you dominating the conversation or letting her do all the work? Remember to listen!

Always have a second drink
It’s rude to leave after one – Seriously. If you’re bored, ask better questions, play pool or something (preferably with your date).

If you do not want to see her again
Say it was lovely to meet her, and shake her hand when you part – she’ll get the message. Don’t say you’ll call and then don’t.

If you do want to see her again
Send a thank you email or text the next day and suggest another date. “Would you like to go to see this exhibition/play/movie?” is better than, “we should do it again.” If she doesn’t respond, she’s not feeling it, so don’t chase her. Move on.

Conclusion

It’s me, Alex again. Thanks for the post, Nicola :-)

If you have got this far, please do leave a comment with your thoughts, and don’t forget to subscribe to the RSS feed for free!

Talk to you soon.

Beautiful images by Wollbinho and Bostonbill.

There are no rules when it comes to dating. Make up your own. Do what works for you. Don’t do what some dude on the internet tells you to do. Take it into consideration, and then take it from there. Got it? Good.

Although there are ‘no rules’, it is generally a good idea to follow some ideas and some principles. Here are 12 of them for your reading pleasure.

1. Be honest.

Now I know that this may not be what you expected. But I got to be honest with you – being honest is truly the best dating advice you will ever get.

Being honest, not only with her, but also with yourself, opens up so many gates and possibilities – you have no idea before you actually try it.

Being honest opens for expression. When you express yourself, truly, you open up a part of yourself. You show her the real you, and that’s vulnerable.

And it all leads to trust. Trust with a woman is one of the key ingredients to having a fulfilling relationship, no matter its nature. Whether you want a one night stand or a girlfriend, you need to have her trust.

So be honest, at all times. I wrote an article a while back which can be found here:
Start Being Brutally Honest with Yourself and Others. Also check out this recent article called Why Bohemian Painters are Sexy as Hell and How You Can Become That, Too, it’s all about expression.

2. Express your true feelings and desires.

This builds upon being honest; they compliment each other very well.

Again, this is not what most “pick up artists” would tell you, but tell her that she looks stunning, because damn! She’s a woman, and that is what she does best.

Not to say that women can’t do other things, I am a big believer in equal rights etc. All I am saying is that generally, women are fabulous, stunning, and the best creation on this planet.

So appreciate them, and TELL them! Compliment your woman, even if you have been together for 10, 20 or 30 years. Tell her that she looks just as hot as she did when you first met.

Tell her on the first dates that she looks gorgeous. Not in an insecure way to gain approval; no, tell her because you appreciate her beauty.

Some guys can pull of saying something like “I want you right now” when out on a date, and that’s fine. It’s just not me.

I would rather be suggestive with my eyes and general body language. Hold the eye contact a little longer than comfortable. Look her in her eyes, glance at her lips, and then back to the eyes. She’ll know what you mean (and want)…

3. Tell her with your body.

Again, this builds on the previous one.

Use your whole body to communicate, don’t rely just on your words. Your body is much better to get the message through ;-)

• Take her for a dance in the living room, women love to dance.
• Spin her around and give her a big kiss.
• Give her the warmest, biggest bear-hug ever.
• Massage her.
• Play with her hand and fingers.
• Tickle her.

These are just playful suggestions, use them or don’t. What is important here is to practice using your whole body instead of just your mouth.

A lot can be communicated with nothing but the eyes, really.

If you feel you could use some body-communication work, do this exercise called the “Silent Day”:

Go about your day as you normally would, do your shopping etc. But don’t say a word the whole day. This doesn’t work too well if you work at an office or go to school, so do it on a weekend.

By not saying a single word, you’ll be much more aware of your own gestures and body language.

4. Know how to kiss

As a female reader wrote me a couple of days ago:

“I am especially glad you emphasize how to kiss well, since this is very important to girls. It’s not uncommon for girls to avoid or dump an otherwise cool guy because he’s a bad kisser. Big, permanent turnoff.”

She said it best… But basically, a good or bad kiss can really make or break ‘the deal’. Check the articles on kissing already published on the site here:

• Kissing A Girl for The First Time – When and How?
• Be a Great Kisser – How To REALLY Kiss a Girl
• How To be The Perfect Kisser
• The 5 Most Common Kissing Mistakes Men Make
• 5 Tips on Kissing Passionately from 5 Women

I would also recommend signing up for the free dating newsletter at the bottom of this post; one of the first articles you will see in your inbox is a very good one on kissing!

5. Don’t take her crap and pass her tests

I wrote a whole post on it here: Dealing With Her Tests – How To Gain Instant Attraction

Women test men. It’s not strange, seriously, how would you go about knowing which one of the 20 guys that approaches you in a night is good enough for you?

Of course you would test them in some way. And not by simple interview questions like, let’s say, “are you honest and authentic?”, “are you confident?” or my personal favourite “are you good in bed?”

All men would just say yes. There is no real truth in that, it is much better for her to test for it in a more subtle way.

Subtle tests women use and how to handle them

It can be as easy as her seeing how you react if she starts talking about sex. She can also see how you treat other people when you’re out. It could be about a lot of stuff.

The best way to handle the tests is to be totally honest all along. Being yourself is a true and tested advice, so don’t go about reinventing the wheel.

That also means don’t hide your desires – be in charge, and don’t be ashamed.

It is often said that the one with the strongest reality “sucks” the other people in. When it comes to dating, use it like this: If you have the strongest “frame” (reality perception), she almost won’t have a choice with you; you’ll be in charge all along.

That means that if you’re really confident, you can do almost anything you want, whenever you want to. So just kiss her! Don’t hesitate if that’s what you want.

Being in charge of yourself like that is very sexy to women.

6. Be chivalrous in public, but an animal behind closed doors

Always open doors, walk on the outside of the curb etc.

If you take on the ‘male’ role like that, she’ll have an easier time feeling like a real woman. Don’t you just love that feminine radiance and glow?

But don’t carry the chivalry into the bedroom. “Can I assist you taking off that bra?”… not going to happen.

All over the place…

Be more of an animal instead. Wild, loose and all over the place.

Do some unexpected things. Kiss her like you never have before. Whisper in her ear. You get the picture.

Check out some of David Shade’s stuff if you’re interested in getting that part of your “game” handled, he’s really good. Follow the link and you’ll also find an interesting video…

7. Take good care of yourself.

Although women generally don’t get turned on by your looks as much as your personality, they care abot how you take care of yourself.

Any man can become sexy if he is well-groomed, has some well-fitted clothes, a healthy tan and a trained body.

Do what you can

So do what you can: Get your teeth fixed, eat more vegetables, spend some dollars on a pair of Levi’s, get outside and run… You’re a smart guy; you know what I’m talking about.

You don’t have to become the healthiest guy on the planet, just take baby steps to get there and show her that you care about yourself. And of course, it’s for your own sake first and foremost.

8. Don’t compromise yourself.

Whatever you do, don’t put her needs before yours.

Even if she says that she would like you to stay home instead of going out with the boys, that’s not what she wants deep down inside.

This presupposes that you told her a couple of days in advance, though, and that she is not sick, ill or in a mood where she really needs your company.

The anti-war climax

This is the same phenomenon taking place when she tells you that she don’t want you to leave for war when you are a soldier.

What she wants deep down is for you to follow your own path and goals and to always put those before her.

So even if you stay at home instead of doing what you really think you should do, you’ll compromise yourself, and in the long road it will be bad for you, for her, and for the both of you as a couple.

So remember this: Listen to yourself and let yourself be the one making the decisions. Take her words into consideration, she may have something useful to add, but always decide for yourself.

This can also be in a small scene like choosing which restaurant to eat at. So keep it in mind. Be in charge!

9. Don’t become clingy and needy

What all women want is a man who is strong, confident and independent. No one wants a wuss boy who clearly sets her needs before his own. It’s just wrong.

So don’t call her all the time. Don’t bring flowers on every date.

Instead, be more of a challenge. Be a little mysterious. Be sexy!

Check out the post I wrote a while ago titled Why Gifts and Flowers don’t work for Creating Attraction – Only for Amplifying it.

Here’s a small excerpt from that article:

“See, I thought that by giving a woman gifts, she would like me more. She would think that I was generous, sweet, and all these words that I linked to gaining a woman’s love.

But instead, the complete opposite happened. On the outside, she would become happy. She would hug me, smile, and say thanks.

On the inside, she was hugely disappointed. I killed the attraction. All women basically want to be attracted to you. They want to fall in love. They want to have amazing relationships.”

Also read the hugely popular post Why Bad Boys get all the Hot Women, and Nice Guys don’t even get close, I think you will learn a thing or two.

Basically what that article boils down to is this:

The balance between bad boy and nice guy looks something like this:

• You are dominant without being domineering.
• You are masculine without being macho.
• You are forthright and trustworthy.
• You are considerate without being placating.
• You are strong yet gentle.
• You are mysterious without being deceiving.
• You are exciting without being reckless.
• You are sexually exciting in the bedroom and a gentleman in the living room.

If interested, read some of the comments on that post. They’re good!

10. Have a powerful voice

Having a powerful voice is often underestimated when it comes to dating and life in general.

It is our first, foremost and most direct communicator, so wouldn’t it make sense to improve it?

In the article How To Use Your Voice to Project More Confidence, I share some tips to strengthen your authority while speaking:

• In the article mentioned above, scroll down for some specific voice training exercises. They will help you get a fuller, deeper (sexier!) voice.
• Speak with confidence (know what you are talking about).
• Only say something when you have something to say.
• Speak slow, have the confidence in yourself that people will still listen to you even if you add small pauses, and…
• Pronounce every word. No mumbling!
• Use hand gestures to enhance what you are saying.
• Stand straight (have good posture)
• Talk louder. Most people would benefit from this; just don’t become obnoxious in any way. Talk loud enough for everybody to hear you.
• Be a better breather. This is alpha-omega to speaking powerfully, so check out the article on breathing here: Start Breathing When It Matters The Most and Get More.

11. Move with purpose and confidence

The way you carry yourself says a lot about you. And even though you may not be aware of it, she notices.

The way you use your hands when you talk, the way you look at her and others, the way you walk, the way you sit… She notices and interprets it all.

Instead of working on all the details, like holding your drink just right, focus on the big thing instead: Be yourself and be proud.

This translates to being confident in ‘date talk’. A confident person will always move and carry himself just right.

While working on getting more confident, there are a couple of body language tips that apply pretty generally:

• Take up space. Spread your legs and reach out with the arms. A non-confident person will always try to fill as little space as possible because he does not feel worthy. But you are worthy! So take up all the space you need. That doesn’t mean you have to be rude, though.
• Hold eye contact. Breaking eye contact is a typical weakness indicator. Try to look the person in the left eye while talking, for him or her it will more intense, and for you it’s easier to hold the focus than looking into both eyes. Experiment a little to see what fits you, but for god’s sake, hold the eye contact!
• Carry yourself tall and with good posture. You have probably already heard it a thousand times. Another one doesn’t damage you: Stand tall! Shoulders back! Chest up! Slouching makes you look very unattractive, so just avoid it altogether. It’s bad for your back and general health, too. Practice by standing with a book on top of your head, or by aligning the back of your head, your shoulders and your butt up a plain wall. That’s pretty good posture. I know it’s tedious to walk around like that all day, but you just have to build the habit, and soon it won’t be tough at all. Or well, at least not as tough. Actually, why don’t you start right now? Sit up. Shoulders back. Head high. Just do it. Now! :-)

12. Accept, let go and move on

I got to be tough with you here: It won’t last. 99% of all relationships fail, that’s a fact and a part of life. But instead of seeing it as a failure, learn to see it as an accomplishment. Learn to look at all you gained and learned, and suddenly it won’t be as bad to break up with someone.

Sure, you’ll feel sad. I do too; it’s completely normal. Learn to accept that too.

Give yourself the time you need to move on, but be sure never to stall. If you get dumped, don’t dwell on it. Truth is, there is not much you can do about it anyway.

If you need help getting over your ex girlfriend, the post How To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend should be of assistance as well as over 900 (yes, 900!) comments.

I would actually go to the length of saying that this is the most important “rule” on this entire list. Learn to accept, let go and move on.

That cute girl didn’t call you back? Call her again the next day, and then let it go. Seriously, she’s not worth your time! That girl you met at the grocery store didn’t seem as friendly when you met again as the first time? That’s her problem, not yours!

If you just work on yourself, don’t dwell on the small details. You are doing everything right.

Get the mindset that basically, it’s their loss. You offered what you had, and they declined. Too bad! You do not want to be with a girl who doesn’t like you, anyway.

Here’s a post I wrote a while back on accepting yourself and letting go: Accept Yourself: How To Let Go of Bad Emotions and Feelings. As always, check out the comments.

Conclusion

That is all from me this time, I hope you learned a thing or two.

The 12 things were the following: Be honest, express your true feelings and desires, tell her with your body, know how to kiss, don’t take her crap and pass her tests, be chivalrous in public but an animal behind closed doors, take good care of yourself, don’t compromise yourself, don’t become clingy and needy, have a powerful voice, move with purpose and confidence and last but not least accept, let go and move on.

As always, I would very much like to hear your thoughts in the comments. Do you have some additional advice? Some critique? Make sure to let me (and everybody else) know.

Also make sure to also sign up for the free dating newsletter, it’s getting pretty popular :-)

Thanks for readings this far!

/Alex over and out.

Thanks to the lovely photographers ..Muha, Prabhu B, Cuellar, Mumbley Joe, Kiwêhowin, Lujaz, Visualpanic, Mortimer and Immagina.

Note from Alex: Another guest post, this time from a good friend of mine – Sebastyne from Australia. She has a lot of experience when it comes to online dating, so take what she has to say seriously! Sebastyne, the word is all yours.

As Alex is concentrating on offline dating tips, I offered my help in the online dating arena, as that happens to be my specialty.

I joined a dating site the year 2000, met my husband online in 2004. It took me a good 4 years to find the man of my dreams. That is to say online dating is not a quick “place an order and wait for the door bell to ring” service. For a girl, it means a flood of absolutely ridiculous emails, and this is where I come in.

To start with, I want to set straight a common misconception about online dating. It is not JUST for losers. The great thing about online dating is that it gives you a lot more options.

It will bring you people who you would never meet in your normal life. That is one reason why it is a great extension of dating options for people who are quite picky – such as myself. I would have never met my husband “in the real life” even if we lived in the same city, as he would spend time in places I would probably not set a foot in.

Unfortunately, like someone said, to find your prince you have to kiss a lot of frogs. These following type of men never got as far as a hand shake, and I am here to make sure you are (no longer) one of them, and as for the rest of you I hope you get a good laugh:

3 type of men you DO NOT want to be

• The too busy man This man uses an email template that he sends to all girls he finds attractive. He believes in advertising to wide range of potential buyers. The problem he will face is that the girls will instantly know if it is a mass email, and will be put off, his email will get deleted and she makes a mental note that this guy is a moron. Often this man makes the mistake of sending the SAME message many times to the same girl AND her friends as he can’t keep track of all the girls he has emailed. That will not make him look good.
• The man with muscle This guy will tell the girl how he got his muscle mass by listing the sports he plays and then probably attach an image of himself showing his muscles with the head cut off the photo. This is intended to protect the identity of the sender, but really just makes him look very superficial and quite silly. He probably won’t get a reply.
• The man who has balls This man is related to the muscle man, but instead of listing information about his sports, he lists details about the measurements of his private parts. He may add details of his annual income as if to make a point about why it would be wise to sleep with him. The most disturbing thing about this type is that he will attach a photo of his genitals for the mere joy he has them.

Those are the biggest and most common mistakes men make on dating sites. It is fairly easy to stand out from the crowd by putting a little more effort into the email.

To do it right: Read her profile. Every word of it!

Girls are excellent at writing dating profiles. They will give you a lot of information about what she is looking for and why, how she wants it to come along and so forth. Some sites allow linking to a website, if that is the case; check her website for even more information on how to approach her or what she is like. If you think it is cheating to find out what she likes before you email her, it’s really not. It shows that you are interested and most men skip this part, so you will come out ahead.

Instead of introducing yourself, talk about her

A lot of people start an email by telling the reader who they are. That is fine and all, but don’t you find it hard to try to sell yourself to a total stranger? Instead, write about her, why exactly did you find her interesting, and why you wanted to contact her in the first place. That makes her feel like you actually do mean to contact her and not just any girl.

At the same time, as you are writing about her, you will probably find things you have in common, like: “I read in your profile that you like fast cars. I immediately thought I must write to you, as I recently bought a Ferrari.” (Yeah, keep on dreaming, but you get my point.) It might be animals, computers, philosophy or other topic that is common to you, bring that up. If there isn’t anything like that, but you still want to write to her, mention the reason why, but don’t just cop out by saying you really like her boobs, ass or figure in general.

Avoid clichés at all cost. Don’t use words like “sexy” “hot” or “pretty”. It may be a surprise to you, but even “beautiful” should be avoided, as the beautiful girls have heard it so many times it makes no impact anymore. My husband described me “sensual” in his first email in case you are curious. Be as sincere as you can, be happy to compliment her even if she wasn’t interested in you.

Tell her what you want

Be honest in your email. If you want a casual relationship, say so. If you are not sure what you want, tell her that. If you just expect someone to talk to or what ever you may be after, tell her. That will save both of you time and heart ache. Don’t assume that all girls want a serious relationship from the day one, so what ever it is you want might or might not be what she wants. Pretending is never good, as you will appear sleazy and that will not get you far with most girls.

Include your photo – of your face

No matter what you look like, always include a photo of yourself to the email or on your dating profile. It is more important to show of your face than it is to show of any other part of your body or your motor bike, so make sure there is a good photo of your face in there. Do not use drunken party photos. As amusing as they may be to you, the girl will think that is when you are at your best – not a good sign! In addition, avoid too serious business type of photos; unless you are after women who will love you for your money – this is not a job interview.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT include a photo of you surrounded by women or a photo that you cropped an ex-girlfriend out off but still leaving her arm around your neck. Take a photo without any specific theme to it (white background and casual clothing) or doing something you love or with something you love, like your dog. (Girls love guys with dogs, but don’t make the mistake of borrowing one, as it will come up in the conversation!)

You might be apprehensive about adding your photo. I have a few reasons why you should have one up though.

First off, men who don’t have a photo up are normally either:

• Married or in a serious relationship
• Very seriously ugly
• Insecure and secretive
• Computer illiterate or
• Wanted for murder

None of these reasons make you look good, and there is no other good reason not to put your picture up. Even if you weren’t the hunkiest guy on the planet, there will be girls who find you the cutest thing alive, especially the one you are looking for. If there is a valid reason why you can’t put a photo up, online dating is probably not for you.

Are girls different online than offline?

Talking to girls online isn’t much different than it is face to face. There are things you shouldn’t say, and the girls are no more after sex hookups online as they are offline. They are not in any way different online.

The only difference I would bring up is that online girls know what they want; all you have to do is to find out if you are what they want.

Let me just repeat that one important thing: Read the profile. It’s a bit like the manual for the latest Nokia phone, with the difference that you actually do need to read the profile!

Back to Alex: That was a long one! Hope you enjoyed it.

Lets start a discussion in the comments!

Do you have any experience when it comes to online dating? How do you approach women online? And if you’re woman, how do you like to be approached? Is online dating any good?

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Lovely images by Martin, Joeywan and Leslie Vega.

Hanging out with a girl you really like, having fun, walking around hand in hand; aren’t that one of the best ways to spend your time?

I think so. I think that a really fantastic date (no matter the “outcome”) is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

And you can have more of them. It’s really not that hard. If you have met the girl, which is the hardest part, I’ll take care of the rest. Read on soldier!

The first part of the date is the logistics. How, where and when and are you going to meet? The logistics you’ll have to handle yourself, it’s out of my hands.

But just remember to not go out of your way just to please her. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s important. It has to be on your terms. Be the leader. Be a man.

Where to take her?

Once you get the logistics handled, you’ll have to have some kind of idea on where you’ll take her. Is it back to your place? Is it a wild night in town? Is it to a café?

Personally, I treat the first date a little different that the possible rest. I want to know if she’s something for me.

Therefore I always take a first date out to coffee. It’s easy to get away (for both of us), it’s cheap (low commitment) and it’s a very suitable environment for conversation.

Different places are great for different occasions. When picking a place to take your date, you’ll have to keep your goal in mind.

Fun should always be the main goal. But like on a first date, I want to get to know her. On the third date maybe I just want to have even more fun. So we’ll go dancing.

As a straight forward example, I wouldn’t take her dancing if conversation and comfort were my intentions for the night.

The 11 Ways to Have a Fantastic Date

Whoops, too much talk. Let’s get on with the list!

1. Get the logistics handled
   We have already touched lightly on this, but it’s actually really important. Since it’s too unique for everyone, I can’t give concrete tips, but just remember to be the man. Don’t let her push your around, you’re in charge.
2. Make your date congruent with your goals for the night (or day, for that matter)
   Start out lightly. Don’t go overboard with things (flying her to Rome on a second date, for example..) Think about what you want out of the night. If it’s a first kiss, a walk in the park is usually a better idea than going to a happy hour a pub. At least I don’t like kissing drunk girls, maybe you do, and then a bar would be a great idea! Just be sure about what you want (roughly).
3. Think about commonalities
   If you know that she likes fish, going to a big aquarium might not be a bad idea. If you know she hates water, don’t take her swimming. You get the drill.
4. Have a lot of fun
   I think I have said it a 1000 times, but it just can’t be said enough. A date is not a job interview! Don’t go to a boring restaurant, have boring food and have boring conversation. Baaad idea. Think about the element of fun when picking a place. Some funky sushi restaurant might be fun if you would really like to take her to dinner. Simply do things she might not be used to, and have fun with it.
5. Be confident
   This is not related directly to the date, but more to you. Don’t forget yourself in the whole dating pick a place process. With no you, there wouldn’t even be a date! Simple as that. If you’re this fantastic fun, warm, outgoing guy who is at the same time a confident natural leader, with a sexy smile and things going for you, the date itself doesn’t really matter. Don’t forget to be that guy (the most attractive you) while on the date.
6. Smile and relax
   Awkwardness is the killer of a good date. Smiling can easen up a lot of tension. So can simply taking a big breath. If you’re relaxed and calm in your own body, so will she be. If you’re generally a little anxious and nervous, taking up some yoga or meditation might not be a bad idea.
7. Touch her right from the start
   Give her a big hug. Playfully slap her shoulder. Stroke her hair and tell her that it smells good. Kiss her. If you like the girl, the most natural thing in the world is to touch her. Don’t be shy of your intentions and nature! Don’t think that you’re “polite” by not touching her. It’s unpolite not to touch her! By not touching her you’re actually degrading her sexuality. So start touching your woman! But don’t go overboard with it, you know what I mean. It’s all about calibration.
8. Flirt, flirt and flirt
   Flirting is the natural thing happening between a female and a male. Understand flirting, and you’ll have it all handled. But it’s hard to learn flirting just by reading, flirting is best learned through practice. Flirt with girls as much as you can. Flirting is fun!
9. Lead her
   She has to know that she can trust you. You have to show that you’re a strong man who can protect her. Being a leader is a very masculine trait, and if you haven’t got it, you better start cultivating it.
10. Be a little mysterious
    A little mystery around you is universally attractive. This is something I’ll write more about in the future. At its basics, it’s about not showing it all. You know, the most sexy parts are those you don’t get the full view of, right? It’s about surprising her. If you own a motorcycle, don’t tell her right away. Let her find out for herself. This draws her into your reality, which is what being a leader is really all about.
11. End it in the bedroom
    The best dates leads to the bedroom, at least in my experience. Don’t be too eager about sex, but don’t deny your own sexuality either. You’re a man, she’s a woman, and the most natural thing in the world for you would be to have sex. So get your groove on!

Following these tips, it really shouldn’t be that hard :-)

By the way, fun making a list again. That was quite a while ago. Hope you enjoyed guys.

As always, let me know what you think in the comments. What’s your recipe for a fantastic date?

Want more tips on dating and handling women? Subscribe FOR FREE by CLICKING HERE. You’ll get all the new posts pronto, no hassle. I promise. And no spam. I hate that.

Image by riot. Thanks!

Odds say that 53% of men is eyeing up a work colleague. That includes you.

But a lot of these guys don’t take any action, because lets be frank; we don’t want to embarrass ourselves in front of the whole company.

And you might lose your job. Maybe she might. Maybe you like it the way you can talk friendly to each other right now, and you don’t want any sour feelings between you.

There are 100′s of excuses and fears for not trying. But they don’t get you anywhere.

So let’s get down to business and see how you can approach her with minimum embarrassment and maximum results.

The how-to of dating women at work

• Get to know her in a casual way. As some wise guy once said, “start by laying the foundations”. This is very important when it comes to dating a work girl. Smoothly start to make small talk with her at the water cooler. Talk to her casually at lunch. Simply make sure that she knows your name and who you are.
• See her outside of work. Now that she knows who you are and you (may) have some friends in common, what would be more natural than grabbing a beer after work? Take 5-6 colleagues (including her) to a bar one day for a happy hour. Have fun! Be the guy that she would want to be with. Don’t flirt too heavily though, it’s best that she doesn’t know your dark intentions yet. This way there’s no pressure. At the bar, you can play a cute game with her. Remember that entertainment and fun is the most valuable values you can possess. So be fun, and have fun!
• Be alone with her. This is the natural next step. If you enjoy her company, and she enjoys yours, you should get to know each other better. Don’t go overboard with things just yet, take it easy. Casually ask her what she is doing for lunch one day, or do a project together. Maybe just meet up with her at the coffee machine for a five minute conversation. It’s important that it’s just you and her, as she will most likely start to see you in a slightly new light afterwards. Also, if she has had some dirty thoughts about you, being alone with you confirms to her that there aren’t going to be awkward silence when it’s just you two, which may have held her back. Remember this: It’s not a date. It’s just two co-workers having lunch. Keep it light!
• Check your progress. When you, her, and a bunch of colleagues are out together, how does she act? Does she keep coming over to you, talking to you, drinking with you, touching you? (Such as placing her hand on your arm, or your shoulder.) If yes, it’s time to go further. If she is interested in you (romantically), you should definitely go for it. If not, you have three options. Number one is to give up. If you and her isn’t going anywhere, this might be a good one. Don’t spend too much time or energy on one girl. Don’t stop talking to her altogether, just cool down a little. Number two is to keep doing what you’re doing. If you’re making slow but steady progress, this is a good idea. Just move things forward slowly. If you’re not, Number 3 is to change your approach. Do something new and different. If what you’re doing doesn’t work, do something else.
• Ask her out. If everything has been going as it should, asking her out should be easy as cake. You want to get to know her better, and you feel attracted to each other. Go get her tiger!

With this approach, you run (almost) no chances. Until you’re sure that you get positive signs from her, you keep it very fun and friendly.

But when the signs do come, you turn it up a notch. Nothing too heavily, especially not in front of your work mates, but make sure to always more forward. Remember the “Two steps forward, one step back” rule.

Following these simple tips, you shouldn’t have a hard time dating girls from work. The most important things to remember is to keep it fun, keep it light and keep it casual. Make it really natural and flowing, and lay off all pressure so it won’t get awkward.

There are no limitations

No practical post without a little bit of motivational speak…

Remember that “time never waits”. Our bodies change every second. We get older. The world moves on. So don’t be afraid of change!

Give it a chance. Don’t ever disregard anything without giving it a fair shot.

No girl is “out of your league”. Don’t ever worry about what life “would be like”. Try to live and take action instead. Your best is always enough. It’s better than enough.

Good luck soldier!
Alex

Field reports from the hard environment of the office is highly encouraged. Have a sweet love story that started at work? Maybe the opposite? Post in the comments!

You never know exactly when I post. So stop spending time checking in and start using RSS. I’ll send you my post by email when I publish something. Promise!

Image by chaos ensues.

10 years ago, if someone asked me “should I bring flowers on the first date?” I would have said yes without hesitation. Today I discourage it.

I thought that by giving a woman gifts, and by complimenting her on her looks, I would make her like me.

Oh boy, was I wrong. I just didn’t get it at the time. Date after date, I made the same mistakes over and over again.

I would show up early, waiting for her, and when she finally came, I would be over-excited. I would give her flowers, compliment her all night long, buy her dinner, and in every possible way kiss up to her.

But somehow, the dates didn’t lead very far. If I was lucky all I got was a kiss at the end of the night! It makes me cringe just to think about it…

Now I see very clearly what was wrong. I was a complete and total wuss. Read up on the post Why Bad Boys get all the Hot Women, and Nice Guys don’t even get close for a definition of what that is. I was the nice guy of nice guys.

My biggest problem was that I didn’t understand attraction. The word simply didn’t exist in my dating dictionary.

I had no knowledge of female psychology. I had low self-esteem. The list goes on.

Flowers and gifts

Using the knowledge I have now, I know that I freaked the girls out. It was *too much*. It was *too early*.

And that’s where the gifts and flowers step in.

See, I thought that by giving a woman gifts, she would like me more. She would think that I was generous, sweet, and all these words that I linked to gaining a woman’s love.

But instead, the complete opposite happened. On the outside, she would become happy. She would hug me, smile, and say thanks.

On the inside, she was hugely disappointed. I killed the attraction. All women basically wants to be attracted to you. They want to fall in love. They want to have amazing relationships.

Your job is to let that happen. Don’t give her an excuse for not liking you. (Such as showing you’re a wussy in such a way as bringing her flowers to a first date.)

Look at it this way: All women in the world are attracted to you before you go talk to them. When you start talking, she will try to find all kinds of reasons why you’re not right. If she can’t find any, she’s almost automatically going to “like you”.

Of course there’s more to making a woman like you, but basically you just have to not give her any reasons to not.

Common attraction killers

• Bringing flowers on a first date.
• Killing “the chase” by calling her or texting her too much.
• Complimenting her on her looks before you know her personality. A sincere compliment can be hugely attractive, but only in the right context.
• Being too available. (Thus killing “the chase”).
• Being predictable and boring.

What I mean by “the chase” is that a woman wants to chase you. She highly enjoys it, but you have to let her do it. Don’t ever stand in the way of letting a woman chase you.

It’s often called “Two steps forward, one step back“, and it’s one of the most important things you must learn to have great success with women.

Going two steps forward, and one step back shows that you understand female psychology. It shows that you are pre-selected. It shows that you are confident. It shows all the right things in the right way. It’s a little like Cocky and Funny.

So what I want you to do now is to reflect on your last three dates. What went wrong, and why? Don’t get all sad about it, see it as a learning experience.

If you can, get back to me with your results, and we can talk about how to fix it before your next date.

In one of the following posts, I want to talk about amplifying attraction, which is amazingly effective if done right.

That wraps it up for today. Show some love in the comments. Feedback and Discussion are HIGHLY encouraged; it’s what makes this blog alive! :)

If you haven’t already, I would also like you to Subscribe by Email. That way you’ll get all the new posts when I publish them.

Take care guys!

Your friend,
Alex Kay.

Image by freshballs.

Today I want to talk about a topic that really fascinates me – the correlation between dating and evolutionary biology.

As a human, basically and looking at the big picture, you only have two goals in life. And that is to survive until you can reproduce yourself (and then do it).

Now there are lots of factors in both of these goals, but on paper it shouldn’t be too hard. As a man, you just have to have access to women. And have a working “tool”. That’s it.

Evolutionary advantages a man can have

Let’s take a look at the basic evolutionary advantages a man can have:

• The first advantage a man can have is to be old enough to reproduce him self.
• The second advantage is to have access to humans of the female gender with whom you can reproduce.
• The third advantage in terms of success is to have a working reproduction tool. For us, it means you have to have a working penis. The better it works (quality of sperm), the higher your chances of successful conception.
• The fourth advantage is to be strong enough to keep the mother safe while she is pregnant. If the child is not born, the man has failed the reproduction circle. Fairly obvious.
• The fifth and last advantage is to secure the child until he or she is old enough to reproduce him/herself. The circle ends here. You have secured your genes into the next generation. Mission complete!

In today’s world though, it’s a little bit harder than that.

Evolution and Dating – where’s the link?

As you can see above, every part of successfully reproducing yourself mainly consists of sexual behaviour and managing a relationship. That’s where I step in.

Evolutionary biology can also be credited for a lot of men’s liking in the ladies department. That’s why wide hips (usually) is a turn on. A woman with wide hips will simply have a better chance of successfully giving birth to a child.

And did anyone mention breasts? Big boobs usually mean she has a better chance of feeding the baby. This is crucial for the child to survive in the first year (or so).

That should be enough proof that evolutionary reasons play big roles in today’s world of dating and sex.

Let’s take a look at the more advanced evolutionary advantages a man can have in today’s society:

• Be good looking. Although not alfa-omega, good looks do symbolize good health. A healthy man has a better chance of successfully reproducing, a better chance of providing food and shelter, a better chance of having wealth, all these kind of things. Do as much as you can to look good. Get your teeth fixed, get rid of acne, start to workout. You could say that your looks are your business card to the world. It’s the first thing (except your voice) anyone will notice about you, and you know what they say about first impressions… They’re important!
• Be wealthy. Having enough resources to look after yourself, your woman (and your child) is vital in a woman’s decision on her partner.
• Be funny. Although humour is not directly related to surviving and reproducing, it’s still a vital skill to have. If you can make her feel good (by laughing), she shouldn’t have any problems being with you for the rest of her life. Everyone enjoys being with someone who makes them feel good, this is totally logic behaviour. Good humour also implies social skills, which implies respect.
• Be respected. Having high social value or being respected generally means you’re a good guy. Being a man’s man gives you much higher chances of also becoming the ladies man. By saying man’s man, I don’t mean the “high-five” kind of respect you can get by cracking a naughty joke once in a while. I mean the genuine respect and admiration a man can have for another man.
• Be powerful. In today’s world, being powerful doesn’t imply the same things it did 100.000 years ago. Back then, being powerful implied all the right values. You had to be smart, intelligent, strong, respected and all these other basic attractive values. Today you can obtain power (at least politically) by simply having a lot of money. This is not the kind of power I am talking about. By saying be powerful, I am saying that you have to have congruence, be self-confident and have high social skills. Being powerful means you can gather people and get them to listen to you, and well, not laugh at you afterwards, but rather take into consideration what you’ve just said. Being manipulative does not equal power.

This is far from all you need to attract women, it’s really only a small part of it.

But without any of these traits, I can tell you one thing: Your chances of successfully reproducing just dropped by a couple hundred percents.

Conclusion

I will get into more of this kind of stuff another day if you guys are interested – I know I certainly am.

Until then, try to work on your looks, your wealth, your humour, your respect and your power. This is really 5 basic ingredients of human attraction, so having them handled is crucial for anything that has to do with women.

As a start, write a comment below and tell me what you think of the topic of Evolutionary biology related to dating. That would really help me, since I am not pumping out dozens of articles, and I only want to write about the things that you guys want to read.

Till’ then!
Alex

Relevant links:

This is something that I will start doing more often – adding relevant links to the end of my articles.

Benefits of Exercise and Working Out
Today, I want to link to my friend Jason from World Fitness Network and the post “Dating, Your Job, & Sex… Workouts Make it All Better“.

Basically it’s 14 reasons you should train – and most of them have very little to do with your body. As you might have figured out, I especially like point #2 – dating.

That’s it for now, look back next post for more links.

Image by cpurrin1

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