Note from Alex: This is a guest post from a woman. Her name is Nicola Lees, and she has been so kind to write about first dates and what to do (and don’t do!) on those. She gives some advice you can’t go too wrong on, so I’ll lend the word to Nicola…

As a single woman in London, I’ve been on a few first dates, most of them bad. They ranged from a guy who lied about his job (I didn’t care about his job, but I did care that he’d been dishonest), to one who was so nervous he couldn’t speak, and a man who neglected to inform me that I was on a date – I thought I was going to a business meeting. Dating, as far as I was concerned, was torture.

But when I moved to NYC, I learned the art of the successful date. My British friends urged me to online date, my NY friends warned me off, as Manhattan men never call for a second date. Rather than feel depressed, I saw this as an opportunity. After all, I was in NYC temporarily and to get involved in a serious relationship would have been too complicated.

However, I did want to make the most of my time in the city and meet some interesting people. What better way than by dating? Every date a different venue, so I really got to see the city, and every date with a different and interesting guy, whom I would never have otherwise met.

Safe in the knowledge that the men weren’t going to call me again, we were free from the awkward first date conversations about relationship expectations and I could ask them anything I wanted.

Because I knew they wouldn’t call, I didn’t have to worry about whether they liked me or not; it didn’t matter. It led to some really revealing and fascinating encounters. And guess what? They did call for second date. Why? Because they had fun.

Ambitious NY women who are looking for a husband book their dates like business meetings – often booking one at lunchtime and two in the evening. The men have 20 minutes to prove their worth as prospective husband/father material before the woman ticks them off her list and leaves for her next appointment.

My only agenda was to have an interesting night out, and because of that was relaxed about the outcome. It meant that I didn’t need to stress about getting my hair done, or buying a new outfit for a date. I just combed my hair, brushed my teeth and arrived on time and with a smile.

I went on a lot of dates and met many men (some of whom are now friends) and, after a lot of trial and error worked out how to guarantee a good date:

Choose your date carefully
Approach women who look and sound interesting, but don’t put pressure on yourself – if she’s not ‘the one’ it doesn’t matter; worst case scenario is you spend a couple of hours having a drink with someone. If you have a bad feeling about someone before you meet, you shouldn’t meet – listen to your gut instinct. Remember, your primary aim is to have a good night out.

Decide on a venue
If you take control and suggest a venue when you ask a woman out, you will immediately impress her. Many men are far too hesitant to suggest somewhere, which leads to frustrating and time wasting back and forth emails as you negotiate where to meet. This is definitely an occasion where it pays to be masterful. Don’t feel you have to try to impress her with an expensive restaurant. A cosy and casual café will do just as well (unless you prefer dating materialistic women). Have a list of places you’d like to go and things you’d like to do, then even if the date doesn’t lead anywhere at least you’ve ticked something off your ‘Things to Do Before I’m…’ list. If a date was being slow to suggest something, I would, which meant I went ice-skating in Central Park, rode the Coney Island roller coaster and went to a movie restaurant that was showing Dirty Dancing on four screens. It was revealing who was willing to roll with it, and who wasn’t. Needless to say, most of the good guys didn’t hesitate to roll (or ride) with me.

Don’t go for dinner
my first NYC date was a disaster. The guy had lied about his age, height, and job (and I’d originally agreed to a date only because I didn’t want to be rude). I knew as soon as I saw him that we had nothing in common, but we had a table booked. And so we had an excruciating dinner, which lasted around three hours as he insisted ordering three courses. Arrange to meet for a drink, and then escalate it to dinner if you are enjoying each other’s company.

Arrive early and sit somewhere obvious
Aside from the fact that it’s rude to be late, it pays to be early. You can scope out the bar and find a good seat. Arriving with ten minutes to spare means that you can relax and clear your mind of the day’s irritations so you can focus on your date conversation. And it’s always more stressful to be the one who arrives second as you have to scan the room while your eyes adjust to the light, not quite sure whether this person or that is your date (this particularly applies to blind and online dates), and leaves you flustered. Arrive first, keep an eye out for her and greet her with a smile and a wave so she doesn’t feel self-conscious.

Have a conversation starter planned
The start of the conversation is the most awkward. Combat this by launching into the ‘middle’ of a conversation, as you would when meeting a friend. For example, “I was just next door looking at some architecture books – I’m thinking of doing a course/building my own place,” gives her something to respond to that is more stimulating than “Did you find this place all right?” Before you know it you’ll have been chatting for an hour.

Remember that it should be a dialogue not a monologue
Ask her questions and listen to the answers before responding. Try not to express your opinions as fact. If you feel strongly about something, say so, but ask her what she thinks too – you’ll find out much more about your potential compatibility.

It’s not a confessional
I’ve been on a date with a guy who told me his girlfriend was moving out of his apartment the next morning, one who cut the date short to go and have dinner with his mother and another who told me he had just been diagnosed with cancer. Keep the first date light (this doesn’t give you a license to lie) and fun – save the important stuff for the second date (if there is one). If you don’t have a second date, it doesn’t matter, and you haven’t ruined a good night out.

Notice her body language and react accordingly
If she’s leaning towards you, playing with her hair, smiling, and sitting with her knees pointing in your direction, she’s into you. You can afford to touch her on her arm as you talk or put your arm around her as you leave, but don’t come on too strong. And if she’s leaning back, arms folded, tread with caution – she’s not yet convinced. It’s not necessarily a lost cause, but you have more work to do. Are you dominating the conversation or letting her do all the work? Remember to listen!

Always have a second drink
It’s rude to leave after one – Seriously. If you’re bored, ask better questions, play pool or something (preferably with your date).

If you do not want to see her again
Say it was lovely to meet her, and shake her hand when you part – she’ll get the message. Don’t say you’ll call and then don’t.

If you do want to see her again
Send a thank you email or text the next day and suggest another date. “Would you like to go to see this exhibition/play/movie?” is better than, “we should do it again.” If she doesn’t respond, she’s not feeling it, so don’t chase her. Move on.

Conclusion

It’s me, Alex again. Thanks for the post, Nicola :-)

If you have got this far, please do leave a comment with your thoughts, and don’t forget to subscribe to the RSS feed for free!

Talk to you soon.

Beautiful images by Wollbinho and Bostonbill.

This is something I have been getting quite a few questions on lately – how do you kiss a girl for the first time?

If you are in a hurry and just want a quick tip for your date tonight, skip the rest of the article. Seriously, just read and apply the following three words and you will be fine.

Just do it.

Good. Thanks for reading to those of you who are leaving, and a big welcome to the rest of you!

There are no rules

This is absolutely crucial. When it comes to dating (and kissing girls), no matter what any guru, dating expert or friend tells you, there are no rules.

Remember that rules are meant to be broken.

In dating, there are literally millions of factors and variables, so many that it would be impossible to have every theory work for everybody all the time. And that is why I tell you this.

There are no rules.

Now, when we have that out of the way, let us get on with the good stuff!

When we talk about kissing someone for the first time, only two variables are really important: When and How.

When to kiss her for the first time

As I said earlier, the best advice I can give you is to just do it.

Most of the time, you will get the kiss. If you don’t, well, now you know. Just try again later.

I really believe in learning by mistake. But if you learn from something, was it really a mistake? I don’t think so.

Anyway.

I guess you didn’t find this article just to get smacked in the head by a guy telling you to just do it.

So here are some general pointers on when to kiss her:

• The best time to kiss a girl is when the sexual tension is at its peak point.
• No sexual tension, on the other hand, is a bad sign. Dial up the attraction as much as possible.
• Don’t wait till the end of the date. That is just cliché and unneccessary.
• Kiss her at a romantic spot so she will remember “your first kiss”. Girls really digg that stuff, so keep it in mind.
• Any kiss can be romantic though. It’s up to you.
• Kiss her when she looks you in the eyes, looks at your lips, and looks back into your eyes. This is a major interest indicator.
• You can also “feel” if she is ready to be kissed by pulling her close to you, and slowly moving your lips towards hers. What’s her reaction?

You can try to find all the signs of interest in the world before you kiss her, and test her in every single way. But the only way to really know if she’s ready to be kissed is to just do it.

How to kiss her for the first time

Ahh, kissing technique. A lovely subject indeed.

In my opinion, the best way to kiss a girl for the first time is to take it really slow.

If there has been a lot of tension dialed up, aka Ross and Rachel in Friends, sure! Go for it, Tiger.

Otherwise, just try to feel her. Get a sense of she is as a kisser.

Personally, I never bring in mr. Tongue. But that’s up to you. Nip her really gently on the lower lip. Look into her eyes. Smile. Kiss her again.

Just remember to take it slow.

If you would like to learn more kissing techniques, or read more about how to kiss girls, take a look at the following four articles:

• Be a Great Kisser – How To REALLY Kiss a Girl
• 5 Tips on Kissing Passionately from 5 Women
• How To be The Perfect Kisser
• The 5 Most Common Kissing Mistakes Men Make

I also recommend that you sign up for the free newsletter, where you’ll get a really good kissing article in a few days if you sign up now. It’s easy to subscribe (and unsubscribe), so why don’t you give it a try? ;-)

Share your views and stories on first-time kissing in the comments.

Thanks for reading!

Hanging out with a girl you really like, having fun, walking around hand in hand; aren’t that one of the best ways to spend your time?

I think so. I think that a really fantastic date (no matter the “outcome”) is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

And you can have more of them. It’s really not that hard. If you have met the girl, which is the hardest part, I’ll take care of the rest. Read on soldier!

The first part of the date is the logistics. How, where and when and are you going to meet? The logistics you’ll have to handle yourself, it’s out of my hands.

But just remember to not go out of your way just to please her. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s important. It has to be on your terms. Be the leader. Be a man.

Where to take her?

Once you get the logistics handled, you’ll have to have some kind of idea on where you’ll take her. Is it back to your place? Is it a wild night in town? Is it to a café?

Personally, I treat the first date a little different that the possible rest. I want to know if she’s something for me.

Therefore I always take a first date out to coffee. It’s easy to get away (for both of us), it’s cheap (low commitment) and it’s a very suitable environment for conversation.

Different places are great for different occasions. When picking a place to take your date, you’ll have to keep your goal in mind.

Fun should always be the main goal. But like on a first date, I want to get to know her. On the third date maybe I just want to have even more fun. So we’ll go dancing.

As a straight forward example, I wouldn’t take her dancing if conversation and comfort were my intentions for the night.

The 11 Ways to Have a Fantastic Date

Whoops, too much talk. Let’s get on with the list!

1. Get the logistics handled
   We have already touched lightly on this, but it’s actually really important. Since it’s too unique for everyone, I can’t give concrete tips, but just remember to be the man. Don’t let her push your around, you’re in charge.
2. Make your date congruent with your goals for the night (or day, for that matter)
   Start out lightly. Don’t go overboard with things (flying her to Rome on a second date, for example..) Think about what you want out of the night. If it’s a first kiss, a walk in the park is usually a better idea than going to a happy hour a pub. At least I don’t like kissing drunk girls, maybe you do, and then a bar would be a great idea! Just be sure about what you want (roughly).
3. Think about commonalities
   If you know that she likes fish, going to a big aquarium might not be a bad idea. If you know she hates water, don’t take her swimming. You get the drill.
4. Have a lot of fun
   I think I have said it a 1000 times, but it just can’t be said enough. A date is not a job interview! Don’t go to a boring restaurant, have boring food and have boring conversation. Baaad idea. Think about the element of fun when picking a place. Some funky sushi restaurant might be fun if you would really like to take her to dinner. Simply do things she might not be used to, and have fun with it.
5. Be confident
   This is not related directly to the date, but more to you. Don’t forget yourself in the whole dating pick a place process. With no you, there wouldn’t even be a date! Simple as that. If you’re this fantastic fun, warm, outgoing guy who is at the same time a confident natural leader, with a sexy smile and things going for you, the date itself doesn’t really matter. Don’t forget to be that guy (the most attractive you) while on the date.
6. Smile and relax
   Awkwardness is the killer of a good date. Smiling can easen up a lot of tension. So can simply taking a big breath. If you’re relaxed and calm in your own body, so will she be. If you’re generally a little anxious and nervous, taking up some yoga or meditation might not be a bad idea.
7. Touch her right from the start
   Give her a big hug. Playfully slap her shoulder. Stroke her hair and tell her that it smells good. Kiss her. If you like the girl, the most natural thing in the world is to touch her. Don’t be shy of your intentions and nature! Don’t think that you’re “polite” by not touching her. It’s unpolite not to touch her! By not touching her you’re actually degrading her sexuality. So start touching your woman! But don’t go overboard with it, you know what I mean. It’s all about calibration.
8. Flirt, flirt and flirt
   Flirting is the natural thing happening between a female and a male. Understand flirting, and you’ll have it all handled. But it’s hard to learn flirting just by reading, flirting is best learned through practice. Flirt with girls as much as you can. Flirting is fun!
9. Lead her
   She has to know that she can trust you. You have to show that you’re a strong man who can protect her. Being a leader is a very masculine trait, and if you haven’t got it, you better start cultivating it.
10. Be a little mysterious
    A little mystery around you is universally attractive. This is something I’ll write more about in the future. At its basics, it’s about not showing it all. You know, the most sexy parts are those you don’t get the full view of, right? It’s about surprising her. If you own a motorcycle, don’t tell her right away. Let her find out for herself. This draws her into your reality, which is what being a leader is really all about.
11. End it in the bedroom
    The best dates leads to the bedroom, at least in my experience. Don’t be too eager about sex, but don’t deny your own sexuality either. You’re a man, she’s a woman, and the most natural thing in the world for you would be to have sex. So get your groove on!

Following these tips, it really shouldn’t be that hard :-)

By the way, fun making a list again. That was quite a while ago. Hope you enjoyed guys.

As always, let me know what you think in the comments. What’s your recipe for a fantastic date?

Want more tips on dating and handling women? Subscribe FOR FREE by CLICKING HERE. You’ll get all the new posts pronto, no hassle. I promise. And no spam. I hate that.

Image by riot. Thanks!

Besides a lot of questions on relationships, I am also getting quite a few questions on dates. Seems like most guys handle all the stuff in between the two pretty good?

Nonetheless, today I want to talk about the subject of dinner dates.

A dinner date is the most common type of date in the world today – and that’s both its positive and negative side.

What I mean by that is that the dinner date is very predictable. You kind of know what you get, and the only real difference in one is whether you get a kiss at the end of the night or not.

What you do know though, is that it’s going to drain your wallet pretty quick, especially if you go on lots of dates.

You also know that it can get really awkward, and that the restaurant environment by itself is rather boring. It’s just you and her.

We already have a small list of negative things about dinner dates, but let’s make it official:

Dinner dates suck because

• It’s the first part of the traditional courtship ritual. The boy is chasing the girl. This is baaad. Usually involves a lot of waiting too. And I hate waiting.
• You’re buying her attention. You’re buying her stuff to eat, just to get her to listen to what you have to say. Is it just me, or aren’t that kind of weird?
• It’s boring. Not only for her, it’s also boring for you.
• It’s not a natural way to get to know someone. Do you usually eat dinner with somebody you don’t know? I don’t.
• They’re hard to escape. You’re tied to a chair for a few hours. And what to do other than run when she catches you looking at her cleveage? It’s hard to just focus on the food when you sit down for that long.
• Awkward silence. Do I need to say more? You are nervous and feel a pressure to say something if she doesn’t. The nervousness also translates into your other movements… This makes it very possible to do stupid stuff like dropping your fork while you’re eating. Not good!
• Dinner dates are predictable. 9 times out 10, the same thing happens. This also makes it very hard for you to stick out of the crowd, you’re probably just one boring date out of hundreds.
• Did I say before that you’re in fact feeding her?
• The environment also makes it hard for you to escalate things. It’s kind of strange to kiss her over the table, or to stroke her hair, or to in any way touch her. This usually makes dinner dates very “cold”. You’re just two talking heads.
• Because they’re not fun. And having fun is (for me anyway!) the most important aspect of a date.

Still not convinced?

Well, then you need to read the above points again.

What to do instead:

Have her come pick you up at your place. Invite her in for five minutes, and then go out to one of the local coffee shops.

Talk and just have a good time. If things go good, you can invite her back. If things go “ok”, say you’ll do something else another time. If things go really bad, just leave.

It’s really simple!

I have used this exact same model with tremendous success for the last few years myself.

Try it out, and let me know how it goes!

Talk to you soon,
Alex

Images by seoulman66 and javaturtle.

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