What’s up guys. Today I want to talk to you about banter. Banter is awesome in every way, and I want to show you how you can use it to experience amazing things in your own life.

Banter is often confused with flirting, but the two concepts are not exactly the same. Banter would be defined as a playful conversation, where as flirting is more of a sexual interaction. You can banter with your friends, but you most likely wouldn’t flirt with them.

So this post is not about flirting. It’s about bantering, and bantering only.

You can banter with someone in any situation imaginable. At the office, at the bus-stop, at the party, at a restaurant… Where there are people, there is a banter possibility.

Why banter just works

Banter is by definition lighthearted and fun – and it should definitely be kept that way. When you banter with someone, you are having fun. You are getting out of your head and into your body. And so are they!

This is where the magic happens. You start thawing that natural barrier that exists between two human beings that do not know one another yet. When they start having fun, laughing and smiling, the whole atmosphere warms up. You create less friction and resistance – and as you may know, most people are like water… They take the path of least resistance!

When you create this positive energy around yourself, it will be very natural for others to join in on your conversation, and everything will just seem to glide smoothly.

Before you know it, there will be people all around you doing just one thing: having fun. Now that is what I call magic.

I know this all sounds very easy to do, but you probably also think that it can’t possibly be. Bantering really is easy though – you just have to learn it J

How to banter successfully (and how I did just a few days ago!)

Think about the last time you had a really fun conversation with someone. The jokes were flying and so were the big grins. Think hard. How was the energy and the mood?

Let me tell you about the last time I had a really good conversation with someone. It was at the postal office, and I was there to ship a big Christmas present filled with sweets to one of my really good girl-friends.

I arrived with a mate of mine, and when we stepped in, we were already in a damn good mood. The postal office was about to close, so there weren’t many folks around.

We wrapped the present in present-paper, and taped the whole thing up. Problem was, I am not a good taper and neither is my friend. To be frank, we’re horrible tapers. So we got some help. We were in such a good mood and the whole scene was so hilarious that we had a fantastic time with the girl helping us taping the thing up because we couldn’t do it ourselves. It was a huge mess, but since all the employees at the postal office didn’t have any other customers to take care off, we got a lot of attention. It didn’t take long before everyone working there were helping us wrapping our present and taping it. It was a huge huge mess, but we had a ridiculous amount of fun.

When it was time to pay for the shipping, we also bought what in an English translation from Danish would be called ‘Christmas marks’. This is something we usually put on our Christmas-presents when we send them by mail here in Denmark, and the price of them goes to charitable organizations. Usually, you would buy them for about a dollar. We bought for at least 10 dollars, and we plastered them all over the already well-taped present. This just reinforced the amazing atmosphere in the place, with the employees praising us for helping the kids with these Christmas marks, etc. etc.

Even though some of the details of this little story might have passed over your head, since some of the things included might have been very Danish (I don’t know how you ship presents by mail in the U.S!), the take away lesson is this:

Have fun. Smile. Joke. Banter! To break the ice, ask some ‘easy’ questions like how the business has been for the day or something similar. When you start having an actual conversation, it’s much easier to poke at something he or she said, joke with it a bit and take it from there.

An example from my little story from before could be that we had taped the present with enough tape to run around the Great Wall of China or to the moon. You could also say that the present would now weigh a ton because of all the excess wrapping!

(I’m sorry for not taking a photo of the present… It really was a monster. It was big beforehand, but when we finally shipped it, the size of it had literally doubled just from wrapping and taping!)

What you need to have success bantering

You need very little to banter successfully. You just a need a good mood and an open mind.

Bantering should be very natural and should not in any way be forced. If you feel that you or the other person is not in the mood for bantering at all, don’t do it. You can only thaw a person up to the temperature in the room, if you get my figure of speech…

A crucial thing when bantering is to not in any way expect any result. The only things on your mind (if anything!) should be fun, fun, socializing and more fun.

It’s really about coming from an ‘enjoying myself – entertainment’ mode, more than a ‘creepy pick up’ mode. If you do so, people will genuinely want to hang out with you, because people always want to hang out with people who are having fun and and make them feel good.

So when I say that you should be open minded, it really means that you should not be attached to any outcomes. Don’t worry about that cute girl too much and don’t freeze up all of a sudden.

When it comes to girls! Yeah baby

The most amazing thing about bantering is that you don’t have to be particularly good with girls to have success with them. They will come to you.

If you banter successfully at a party or at a similar venue, and you end up having a whole crowd around you just having fun, you will be very attractive to girls… Not just because you seem popular and stuff like that, but also because you will have a vibrant glow around you from being so much in your own body and being so carefree and being so happy.

On top of this, bantering will also in a quick way make you more open and vulnerable, simply because you from being in such a good state will worry less about your insecurities and about what you are saying. Ka-ching!

To conclude

Bantering is freakin’ awesome. It makes you feel good, it makes others feel good and ain’t that just beautiful?!

To banter, be in a great mood. We’ll talk about how to get in a great mood very soon, so don’t worry too much about that. Actually keep all worries out of your body and mind.

Joke around and try to get everyone involved. Introduce people to each other. Be unattached to any outcome and be open to anything.

That is basically it.

In the comments…

I would really like to hear a story about when you last were in a really great mood and had a lot of fun with a lot of people (preferably people you didn’t know at that time!)

Looking forward to hearing from you below,
Alex

Bonus: if you feel up for it, try introducing yourself as ‘Sexy Yourname’ the next time you meet a girl and you are already in a good state. For example, I would say “Hi, I’m Sexy Alex”. If you are a whole group and you are doing this, it’s even better. The girls will definitely think that there is something interesting and intriguing about you if you pull this one of right.

Images by CarbonNYC, prizeponey, sunrise.seven and Alastair Thompson. Thanks!

Getting women to notice you seems either very easy or very hard. The trap I see a lot of guys falling in is trying to please everyone – because when you please people, they love you, right?… Wrong.

Women will like you if you have concrete social status; if you’re the “big thing”. If you have authority. If you respect yourself and others.

This article is aimed at teaching you how to have exactly that: mind-blowing popularity with women. Here’s how:

1. Build Rock-Solid Confidence

Confidence is about having solid, self-established value. People respect the ones they value. Women will respect you if you respect yourself.

Focus on the positive – Look at everything you do well – it could be playing the guitar, making people laugh, or anything else. Spend more time doing these things.

Make people feel good: not because you’re seeking their approval, because you want to. Making others happy gives you a feeling of worth and purpose. Something very powerful for building confidence.

Start a project – Set yourself manageable goals and have concrete focus. Achieving something difficult will make you feel great.

Face your fear of failure – it might be being rejected by a hot girl standing at a bar. Only by facing your fear will you realize how pointless it was. Go up to her and say “Hi!”. You’ll feel great every time you defeat your fears.

Stop comparing yourself to others – there will always be people who are stronger, smarter, richer than you are. Focus on what you have, and realize negativity is always harmful. You’re never inferior to others, you’re just different.

Must-read confidence articles:

• Change your Mindset and Instantly Become an Alpha Male
• Why Confidence Can Not Be Faked, and What to Do About It
• How to Build Unstoppable Confidence

2. Provide Leadership

Women like leaders, people who take action – because those who do always have an impact. Leaders change the world they live in and have a bold vision.

Don’t let others make decisions, make them yourself! Organize events like dates or parties, choose the bar to which you’re going with your friends.

A good tip to see if you’re a leader is to go to a restaurant with five or so buddies. Who does the waiter give the check to? If it’s you, you’re the leader of the pack. If it’s not, learn from the friend who is.

Always decide and take action, because thinking without acting is useless. Think. Make up your mind. Take action. Rinse and repeat.

3. Be Independent

Rely on yourself, and yourself only. If you rely on others, people will trust them, not you. By being independent, you show authority and self-respect. It shows you trust your own judgment.

That doesn’t mean you should only trust yourself, it means you shouldn’t depend on others. An entirely different thing. An example of depending on others would be to seek their approval.

4. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Popular people are always trying out new things. When you stop doing only what’s “safe”, it shows you have the guts to confront failure and rejection – which means you don’t fear any of these. As the saying goes, “nothing ventured, nothing gained”.

Very few people can do that successfully – it takes a lot of willpower and strength. Strength and vision are incredibly sexy – get out of your comfort zone now!

5. Stop Caring about what Women Think

Well, do care, but don’t let it affect the way you are. You shouldn’t adapt who you are to fit a standard or to make an impression. Work on getting people to accept you as you are, and if they don’t, screw them! You can’t please everybody.

Master this and you’ll achieve total freedom. Being free is extremely empowering, women will sit back and watch in awe. Beautiful women won’t be able to own you like they own nice guys.

Another advantage: Women will think you don’t care because they’re not worth it. It places you in a situation of tremendous power, and women will start to seek your approval all the time.

6. Take Care of Yourself

Remember what I’ve said above, respect yourself, and others will respect you. Here, it’s about respecting your body and making a good impression.

This is similar to branding a product. Think about your image. What impact do you have on others? What three adjectives jump to people’s minds when they hear your name?

1. Dress with style. You’ll find great tips here and there.
2. Get yourself a nice fragrance.
3. Work out, build strength and gain muscle. Here’s an excellent place to start.
4. Invest in a classy watch.
5. Exercise – it’ll improve your toning and make you happier. Women love happy guys. And active men are sexy as hell.

7. Project Confidence with Body Language

This is also a part of “branding yourself”. Now you’ve got great packaging and design, it’s time to show off how great you are, so women will “buy” you.

Show leadership and confidence with body language. Here’s how:

• Bold eye-contact. Looking people in the eye is a sign of dominance. Click here and here for more.
• Take space. Confident men fully use the space around them. Don’t cross your legs for instance.
• Slow down. Slow, full movements show self-control and calmness. A very “cool” thing to do.
• Use your voice to project confidence.
• Open up! Don’t cross your arms or look down. Looking in front of you shows determination, and crossing your arms is protecting yourself.

8. Have Something Extra

What sets you out from the competition? What makes you unique? What do you have that other guys don’t?

Develop a skill, like playing an instrument, or being a kick-ass arm wrestler or soccer player. Anything that will get people to remember you is fine (as long as it’s something good).

It may be something you already have. Are you the funny guy with great jokes? Are you the cool and mysterious guy? Are you the one throwing great parties? What are you famous for? Grab a piece of paper and do a brainstorm. Then, focus on building that unique extra you have.

Remember, social status is something that exists in people’s minds. These tips are aimed at building status, not faking it. Change the way you think about yourself, and I guarantee women will flock to you.

You can read more articles like this one over at my blog, where I share more rock-solid dating tips for men.

Alex here again: thanks Anthony! To you, the reader – I hope you enjoyed the article. And while you’re at it, do check out Anthony’s blog where he regularly posts a lot of interesting articles. I’m out! See you in the comments.

By the way, why don’t you join me and Anthony over at the forums? Check out the thread “Social Energy” which contains discussion related to this article.

Image by Kevin Klöcker.

It’s called looking her in her eyes.

Ever since I have given women intense eye contact while being with them, my love life has completely transformed.

Old, rugged sex without passion suddenly turns into hot all-night sessions.

Now don’t get me wrong – there’s more to women than just looking them in their eyes. It’s not a magic trick, but it is a necessity.

And not all eye contact works the same – a creepy stare is for many females one of the biggest turn offs. So read on, and learn how to give a woman some sexy eye contact. It’s one of the most important things you’ll ever learn.

Why eye contact works

There is a big difference between locking eye contact and staring. Staring is creepy, eye contact is sexy.

I have a little theory that the eyes are the window into the soul. When you look intensely into someone eyes, you actually “get” a little bit of them in return.

Try and notice the next time you watch a show where someone is interviewed. If it’s a skilled interviewer, there’s a big chance he won’t look any other place than at the interviewed persons eyes. Most likely, he will rarely blink, either.

This behavior stems, like almost everything else, from our caveman days. One of the strongest forms of communication is eye contact, and when deciding which man was the alpha man, it was most likely through something like who looked away last.

I don’t say that they had competitions with this or anything like that, it’s more of a subconscious thing. It’s used the same way today. I’m pretty sure, that in your company, the chubby secretary gives you less eye contact than your boss or another, more powerful, person.

To hold a gaze is simply a sign of dominance and leadership – and you can use that to your advantage.

A woman will instantly see you as a confident alpha male if you give her strong eye contact through the room, down the hall, or when you talk to her. It’s written in her genes. It’s a classic sign of a wussy if you can’t hold eye contact for more than a few seconds – we all now that guy; fiddling with his fingers, looking away nervously, stuttering. Don’t be him :-)

Holding eye contact also makes you quite vulnerable and penetrable - that’s why no one looks each other in the eyes in the metro or in any public transport. It’s an open invitation between two human beings.

How to do eye contact just right

There are a couple of things you do not want to do. First of all is that, when you have locked eye contact, you do not look away before she does. And even if she does, ask yourself what you will gain by looking away.

Most likely, you have everything to win by holding the eye contact and everything to lose by looking away.

Eye contact does not only signal confidence, it also signals interest. Most women love a good listener – and a strong gaze is a huge sign of just that. Your attention is with her and with no one else; in other words, you make her feel special and important.

Confidence + interest = instant sex appeal.

Better is, when you lock eye contact, you force yourself to only listen to her. No distractions – just you and her. That’s sexy as hell. Ask any women out there.

Here’s how to hold that eye contact we should all be striving for:

• Pick one eye and hold eye contact at that. Find out which eye works the best – believe it our not, but there is usually different “energy” between the two eyes. One is usually “hotter”.
• Try to “feel through” her.
• Listen intensely while she is talking.
• Relax at the same time. Don’t strain yourself or hold tension in any muscles.
• DON’T look away. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose by doing so.
• Breathe. Always breathe. Through the nose, nice and deep… Ahh.

That’s it. A bulletproof recipe for success with women. Now get out there and give women some sexy eye contact you stud!

By the way…

I just found a little experiment done by my friend David Shade. It’s a article on the website Fastseduction.com, and I really think that you’ll like it. Eye contact experiment by David shade.

I’ll also be gone for about two weeks on holidays – take care guys, and make me proud!

Confidence is a strange thing. Some people seem to have it, and some do not. In one moment, you can feel like the most confident man on the planet; in the next, you can feel so low that you don’t even want to get out of bed the next morning.

But why? What is this confidence, and why does it have such a huge impact on our lives? How can we use it to our advantage? These are some of the questions that I will be answering with my next 1000 words. Read on.

Over the years, I have heard hundreds of definitions on what confidence really is, but I do not think that any of them really gets it. Let me explain.

Lots of definitions talk about confidence as a tangible object; as something that can be “achieved”.

I do not think that confidence is measurable. I think that just like love, or hope, confidence just is what it is. It can be explained in a thousand ways, but you won’t ever know what it is before you have experienced it first hand.

I know that all of you have felt confident on many occasions in your life. Think back, when was the last time?

Most likely, it was after an achievement of something. It didn’t even have to be you – it could just be that your favourite football team won an important match.

Just like love or hope, you are always going to have some confidence. Sometimes, it can just be hard to find it. Or even worse: hard to find when you actually need it!

Trust yourself and other people will too

But what is confidence good for, anyway? The word confidence comes from Latin and means “to put one’s trust in someone”, and in this case, it’s yourself. So it’s all about trusting yourself. And here comes the interesting part: people can not trust you, if you do not trust yourself!

So in other words, you got to be confident for people to really trust you. In normal every day settings like going shopping, talking over the phone or doing business, confidence is usually not alpha-omega to “close the deal” and having people trust your word. The interaction is so short that the people you interact with won’t get to know you anyway.

But when it comes to girls…

Confidence means everything

For a girl to really fall in love with you, she has to trust that you will be able catch her! See where this is going?

A girl can not surrender to you if you don’t rest in your own presence. And that’s actually what I think confidence, real confidence, is all about. Resting in your own presence.

Sure, confidence can be faked. But you will know that it’s not real. In the end, you can not fool yourself.

Real confidence comes from the inside

I think that for real confidence, you only need these two things:

Honesty and Acceptance.

If I was to give an explanation of confidence and what it does for a man, I would probably say that confidence is knowing that, whatever happens, everything will be allright. Good, even. Confidence will open all the doors necessary for a man to take all the chances he needs to take. Mix this in with knowing yourself, your limits and being honest about it all, and you have a confident man.

The most confident man in the room is usually not the man yelling the loudest; no, he’s the man that listens and makes people listen. His very presence demands respect. A real and confident man will bring the best out in his peers. He does not only trust himself – he also trusts the abilities of others.

Unfortunately, or fortunately if you want to look at it that way, there is no “10 step program to real confidence”. Sure, you can probably find a way to ‘feel’ confident, but remember; feeling confident is not the same thing as ‘being’ confident.

For you to ‘be’ confident, you have to start your quest right now. Yes, in this very moment. It’s actually quite simple, and there’s only one sentence, three words, you need to live by.

Be your best

No one demands more from you than that. Be your best.

It’s all it takes. Your real confidence will build slowly with the growth, but it’s not the “level” it’s at that matters – the only thing that matters is that you are growing.

A growing man is what we all should aspire to be. Grow every single day (by being the best you can be), and it’s impossible to say where you are tomorrow. Or, actually, not impossible… You are going to be farther down the road, both wiser and better.

If you always strive for your best, growth is inevitable.

This is not to say that you should push yourself all the time – not at all.

This is about getting to know yourself. It’s about getting to know your capabilities and your limits, and nudge ‘em in the right direction, day by day.

What to do

First of all, you are going to have to be patient with yourself. These things take time – or at least, I think that they should. Read my article Don’t go too fast with change for an explanation.

To be a better and more confident man tomorrow, you are going to have to behave like you want to be, right now.

So the next time that you are facing a challenge – physical or mental – do your best. Fight it. Hold out. Be strong.

I can’t tell you exactly what to do, only you know that. But do what you think you should have done yesterday – talk to that girl, get that job done, go to the gym, whatever.

Confidence really only comes from doing. I know that it’s boring, but it’s the damn truth. Rome wasn’t built in one day, and neither was Arnold Schwarzenegger’s body.

And once again, take your time. Real growth happens when you’re just outside your comfort zone, so the next time you get a chance, push yourself just a little.

Trust me, that’s how real confidence is built ;-)

Wonderful images by H.Koppdelaney.

Tell me in the comments how you think that real confidence is built. I’m eager to know your opinion!

We’ve all seen it happen way too many times. You’re out with your friends enjoying a few beers when a group of girls walks in. The venue is perfect, the night feels good, and you know that if you and your friends were to walk up and start talking with these girls the night would be, well, magical.

You lean into your friends saying, “Guys, see those girls over there?”

“Yeah!”
“They’re so hot!”
“Wow!”

“Okay, we’re going to go approach. Let’s go.” You make a move to get up but your friends stay stuck in their seats, not moving. “Guys, come on,” you say.

“No man, they’re not that hot, let’s wait until…”

But the girls are hot, you know that and you know they know it. You push, but your friends won’t budge. They are not getting up and they never will.

Clearly there is a huge difference here.

What is that difference? You have confidence in yourself while your friends lack the same measure. Alex and I have been talking in back and forth e-mails, trying to figure out the best way to gain confidence. We’ve come upon two distinct things you’ll need: The ability to beat fear, and a game plan.

Alex has already discussed beating fear so we’ll talk about game plans today!

Love has been compared to war thousands of times in literature – for good reason. Love and war are both a fight; they take effort and struggle. Neither is easy. As with anything that takes effort, you need some kind of strategic plan. Imagine being in a war and not having any kind of strategy. How bad would that go? Actually, that’s not hard to see at all, look at what’s happening in Iraq.

Is that what you want to turn your love-life into?

Love is no different from war in the necessity of having a plan. Obviously you can’t (and wouldn’t want to) plan everything out in advance. That’s what turns you into a robot and takes the fun out of it. On the other hand, if you’re just starting out you’ll find a game plan to be a crucial element in helping you build confidence. If you’re a seasoned veteran of seduction you’ll know the truth in the line, “You have to know where you’re headed if you’re going to get there at all.”

The game plan is having some kind of an idea of what you’re going to do. That group of girls walks into the bar and you instantly know exactly what’s going to happen.

Your game plan consists of four things:

1. Knowing how the conversation will start: What are you going to say to hook her in.
2. Knowing where the conversation will go: Forward, I hope. In a direction that will make her like you and feel connected to you.
3. Knowing where the conversation will end: Are you chasing after a phone number? Instant date? E-mail (please no!)?
4. It’s good to have a series of contingency plans: When do you bail? This didn’t work so what do I do now, etc.

The more advanced you get, the less of a game plan you’ll need – you’ll have the confidence to do what you know will work. If you’re just starting out then it most definitely will not hurt to have things planned out in advance.

If you can combine your ability to face fear with a well developed game plan, there is nothing that’s going to stop you from getting your confidence to the level you want.

Note from Alex: Thanks Derek! Hope that it was of some use, guys. Derek has his own blog called Epic Nights, it contains some pretty cool articles, so you might want to check it out :-)

Also, don’t forget to subscribe (for free) to the article feed. Click here to read all about it, or go straight to the rss page.

First image by Keltic, second one by Chantrybee. Thanks!

They tell you to do this and do that, and in reality, it’s a lot of talk with no action.

And see, I am a man of action. I stand up to my word.

So I am going to take the stress of your shoulders and put it on mine to make 2009 your best year ever.

You’re probably thinking that it sounds too good to be true, or that it’s just not possible. But let me tell you this: It’s not only very possible, it’s going to happen!

Until now, I have devoted a lot of time and energy to this website. But I figured that if I want to really help you, I’d have to step it up.

So this is what I am going to do:

• To the hundreds of commentators on the how to get over your ex girlfriend post, I am going to be writing an ebook. And not only for them, but for everybody who has trouble getting over their ex’s… And trust me, it’s more common than you think.
• For the ex girlfriend crowd, I am also going to write more blog posts. I feel that it’s a very important topic, and that I have a lot to add.
• Not only am I going to be writing more posts on getting over your ex, getting on with your life etc., but I am also going to bring in guest writers from all over the world. You have seen it before on the site, and as you know, a second opinion can often bring a new perspective to things.
• As always, all of the articles will be of the highest quality possible. Simply, the best dating related articles are to be found on Just Keep The Change dot com. You have my word for it. And if you find someone who’s better? Let me know so I can collaborate with him (or her) to give you the best value possible.

I will also

• Start up a discussion board (forum) where not only I can help you, but you guys can also help each other. Because I know that I have a lot of intelligent and smart readers who want to help, and this is truly a case of 1 + 1 = 3. Bringing a lot of smart people together equals maximum value for everybody involved. How’s that for karma?
• At any time of the day you can email me with any question that you want. I’ll give you my best possible answer, guaranteed. Emails from JKTC readers will also be my #1 priority when opening up my inbox, so you’ll get your response fast (as those of you who have emailed me already know…)
• I will listen to you. If you want anything, don’t be afraid to ask. I will do my absolute best to accommodate your needs.

I know that this was a lot of promises, but what you should know is that I will keep them all. It’s my mission, and I’m going to succeed.

I know it’s a big responsibility, but well! Bring it on baby, I’m ready :-)

A lot of very interesting stuff will happen over here at Just Keep The Change, so stay tuned… You will not be disappointed.

Your friend,
Alex

Who doesn’t want to be sexy as hell, exceedingly attractive and absolutely confident?

This article will tell you how. And it’s easier than you probably thought. But not easy in the ‘no-effort’ way.

No, it’s more like easy in the ’simple to write- harder to do’ way.

The title of this post was inspired by the relatively new Woody Allen movie “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”. Actually, the whole post is inspired by that movie. You’ll see why in a minute.

Vicky and Cristina

The movie is about two girls vacating in Barcelona, Spain, during summer. One of them, Vicky, is what you on first glance would call self-confident, secure and cold. The other girl, Cristina, is more of the adventurous type. She is not afraid to get her heart broken, and generally takes more risks.

So there we have it, two seemingly distinct girls. One night, they get approached by a sexy bohemian type painter. They have never talked to each other before, just exchanged a few looks at an art gallery earlier that evening, but now he’s asking them to go to a small Spanish city with him by plane. That evening. They’ll leave in an hour.

Cristina absolutely wants to do it. Vicky absolutely does not want to do it.

But they go anyway. The painter, who’s name is Juan, shows them around the little Spanish city and they have a great time. Cristina starts to fall in love with him, and they end up in his room. They start kissing, but Cristina suddenly gets an upset stomach. Apparently, she has had some kind of food poisoning, and it sends her to bed a few days.

Now, stay with me. I know this sounds irrelevant, but really, it is not. Read on…

Because Cristina is in bed all the time, Juan only shows Vicky around. Against all odds, they actually have a great time. Late one night they go to an outdoors guitar concert, and afterwards they have sex in the moonlight.

That’s basically the story. There are complications, though, like Vicky being engaged. But that’s not really important right now.

The question is this:

Why is Juan so god damn sexy and attractive?

Of course, there will never be an absolute answer to that question. And on top of that, he’s just a guy in some movie. But still, it’s an interesting question to answer.

I think that, in some way, he is everything that both Vicky and Cristina want to be.

In reality, Vicky is afraid to show who she really is. She is afraid to open up, to be vulnerable. Juan does this. He tells the girls about his ex wife, whom he loved dearly, and how she has this huge impact on him. He tells them that they tried to kill each other because they were so frustrated by love. Now that’s expression…

Vulnerability and honesty

At the concert, Vicky also sees Juan cry. She sees that he is not just some fake Latino lover, but an actual, authentic man.

Later, when they stand face to face and are about to kiss, he tells her, not just with his words, but also with his heart and his whole body, that he thinks that she is incredibly beautiful. She melts. Again, she feels his authenticity. She feels that he is real; she feels that he is honest.

Cristina is not attracted to him for the same reasons. She’s attracted by his creative nature, the way he expresses himself in his paintings. Because she is struggling to express herself; she feels that she has so much to say, but yet, she has no talent.

She also feels Juan’s authenticity. She feels it down her spine, all the way into her feminine core. She knows that he has the ability to love with all his heart. That he can express whatever he feels in the moment in a true, honest, raw and sexy way.

She knows that he’s the kind of man that will scream in bed if he wants to. He will yell at her if that’s what he feels. Not in a angry or hateful way, he will only yell because he loves her.

Now that might sound like a contradiction, but in my opinion, love is really just the true expression of the moment.

Impact

But most of all, she knows that she has an impact on him. And that’s what’s attractive about Juan. He is impactable. I’m not sure that’s even a word, but what I mean is that you can impact him and feel it.

There is no bullshit with this guy. He can fall madly in love with you, leave you, and cry over you for months. But don’t confuse this with being a wuss. Because it is not out of neediness, not at all. It is out of confidence and love. An entirely different thing.

So what’s the lesson?

Express yourself! If your girl looks amazing one night, don’t be afraid to tell her! Tell her how she has an impact on you. How you always feel warm when you’re around her.

But also, always be honest. If that’s not what you feel, don’t say it.

So the lesson is also to become in-tune with yourself. If you can’t feel what you are feeling, how will she ever feel it?

Self-expression can take an infinite amount of forms. Art is the most common, right along writing and playing an instrument.

You may not be creatively talented, so maybe it’s not for you. Cristina in the movie didn’t think she was. Right untill she found photography.

Expression can also be to take a long walk. Or to meditate. As long as it is real, and as long as it is you, it’s expression.

How to get to know yourself better

Start writing a journal. It doesn’t have to be chronologically ordered, or start with “hi diary” on every page.

Write in it whenever you feel like you have something to say. And when you write, do the following:

Write without stopping. This works best if it’s on paper with a pencil. Computer writing doesn’t count here.

Write without stopping for 15 minutes. Don’t ever let the pencil slip of the paper. And if you feel like you don’t have anything more to write, write that!

Actually write “It feels like I don’t have more to write”. Then just write whatever comes at you. It may be that, while you are writing, you are looking around your room. What do you feel when you look at your room?

Write it all. This is an incredible exercise for building a higher degree of self-awareness and self-realisation. Suddenly, you are not a stranger in your own body.

Before you go

Remember the lesson for today: Love fully, express fully. That’s all really all that is to it.

Let me know how it goes in the comments. Let me know your thoughts. Your experiences. Your comments.

See you there!
Alex

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Lovely top image by karpov. Second image by puja.

OK, so we all know that guys with booming, dark, sexy masculine voices are highly attractive to women.

But what about you? Do you have an attractive voice?

You may have. And if so – that’s great. If not, I suggest that you read on.

You don’t have to be born with a sexy voice to get one. It can be developed – trained. And I’ll show you how.

Apart from just your voice, we’ll also work on different aspects of your tonality. Your voice itself is only one of many weapons you use while you speak.

Let’s get some theory down before we begin

Speak with confidence

The easiest way to sound confident is to actually be confident.

When you know what you are talking about, and you know that you are right in the matter, you will automatically sound and be more confident. This is attractive.

Only say something when you have something to say
Over time this will raise your authority, since you always know what to say and when.

Speak slow

This is a big one. Speaking slowly projects confidence and builds intrigue.

Why? Take this example.

Average Adam walks in and gets the attention of a group. He starts speaking. But because he is afraid that they won’t listen to him for long, he starts speaking faster to keep their attention. This is a bad approach.

Now, on the other hand we have Confident Carl. He knows that the group wants to listen to him because he says a lot of interesting stuff, and generally is an interesting person. He speaks slow, so everyone can hear every word perfectly.

Now who do you think is most attractive to women, Average Adam or Confident Carl? Well, if you haven’t figured that out… It’s Carl. Big surprise ;-)

The moral? Speak slow. And…

Pronounce every word

This is also really important.

And not only should you pronounce every word, you should also pronounce every word accurately.

Mumbling is unattractive for the simple reason that it’s hard to understand what you say.

And then it doesn’t matter if you have a deep voice.

If people can’t hear you, or don’t understand you, you are going to have quite a hard time socializing.

And that’s not what we want!

Pause… And talk.

Add pauses when you talk. Simple, really. Just pause once in a while and look people in their eyes, it will add suspense and make it more interesting to listen to you. Don’t be a radio jockey!

Use hand gestures

Use your hands while you talk. At first you might be a bit self-concious about it, but soon it will become a habit. Start now!

Stand straight

This is a as much a body language thing as it is a sound thing.

When you stand straight and good – you know, like a soldier, you speak better and project more confidence.

Having a good posture is just generally healthy, too.

Practice by raising your chest. When you raise your chest, you also drop your shoulders down a little. And you straighten your neck.

Just don’t slouch! Also…

Talk louder

This is actually harder than it sounds, but getting used to speaking louder is really rewarding, especially if you enjoy the bar and club scene.

I don’t have any specific exercises or anything, just try it out in your every day life.

Don’t become obnoxious in any way, you should just speak so loud that the listener has no problem hearing what you have to say.

Having people asking you to repeat yourself because you spoke too quiet destroys the natural rhythm of a conversation, and is, on top of that really annoying.

So just speak up a little.

Be a better breather

I have a whole post on good breathing here: Start Breathing When It Matters The Most and Get More.

It’s all about breathing deep. Get the air all the way into your belly.

Just place your hand on your stomach, and breathe in. Get it to expand. Breathe out and repeat.

Getting used to breathe “belly breathing” will absolutely give you better voice control.

(There are lots of other benefits, too.)

Get a deeper, more masculine voice

Mmmmmhh… Barry White. Chicks dig him ’cause of his voice, so why shouldn’t they dig you too?

Simple exercises to get a deeper voice

• Say “ooooohhmmm” as deep as you possibly can. Try to hold it and really feel the resonating feeling in your stomach. This is the feeling you want when you speak.
• Saying “aaaaaahhh” also works to some extend. Experiment!
• Blow out candles.  Try to use short breaths while at it.
• Yawn. Perfect for relaxing the muscles so you won’t sound so uptight.
• Speak from your belly.
• Practice that breathing!

Relax

Relaxing is key. And this is where all the ends get tied up – fully relaxing is easy if you’re confident in the environment.

If you’re not, you’re most likely going to be a little uptight. Try not to.

Start breathing instead!

Conclusion

So guys I hope you could use these tips.

Generally, just try to know what you’re talking about. Stand straight while at it and don’t forget to breathe. Talk a little louder and a little deeper than you’re used to. And use hand movements to add to your points.

Good luck. And I’ll see you in the comments!

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First image by luza. Second one by puja. Last one be millzero. Thanks, they are beautiful!