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Boosting Your Confidence To The Next Level: The Two Things You Need To Have

Get your confidence to the level you want Get your confidence to the level you want

We’ve all seen it happen way too many times. You’re out with your friends enjoying a few beers when a group of girls walks in. The venue is perfect, the night feels good, and you know that if you and your friends were to walk up and start talking with these girls the night would be, well, magical.

You lean into your friends saying, “Guys, see those girls over there?”

“They’re so hot!”

“Okay, we’re going to go approach. Let’s go.” You make a move to get up but your friends stay stuck in their seats, not moving. “Guys, come on,” you say.

“No man, they’re not that hot, let’s wait until…”

But the girls are hot, you know that and you know they know it. You push, but your friends won’t budge. They are not getting up and they never will.

Clearly there is a huge difference here.

What is that difference? You have confidence in yourself while your friends lack the same measure. Alex and I have been talking in back and forth e-mails, trying to figure out the best way to gain confidence. We’ve come upon two distinct things you’ll need: The ability to beat fear, and a game plan.

Alex has already discussed beating fear so we’ll talk about game plans today!

Love has been compared to war thousands of times in literature – for good reason. Love and war are both a fight; they take effort and struggle. Neither is easy. As with anything that takes effort, you need some kind of strategic plan. Imagine being in a war and not having any kind of strategy. How bad would that go? Actually, that’s not hard to see at all, look at what’s happening in Iraq.

Is that what you want to turn your love-life into?

Yellow girl, raw!

Love is no different from war in the necessity of having a plan. Obviously you can’t (and wouldn’t want to) plan everything out in advance. That’s what turns you into a robot and takes the fun out of it. On the other hand, if you’re just starting out you’ll find a game plan to be a crucial element in helping you build confidence. If you’re a seasoned veteran of seduction you’ll know the truth in the line, “You have to know where you’re headed if you’re going to get there at all.”

The game plan is having some kind of an idea of what you’re going to do. That group of girls walks into the bar and you instantly know exactly what’s going to happen.

Your game plan consists of four things:

  1. Knowing how the conversation will start: What are you going to say to hook her in.
  2. Knowing where the conversation will go: Forward, I hope. In a direction that will make her like you and feel connected to you.
  3. Knowing where the conversation will end: Are you chasing after a phone number? Instant date? E-mail (please no!)?
  4. It’s good to have a series of contingency plans: When do you bail? This didn’t work so what do I do now, etc.

The more advanced you get, the less of a game plan you’ll need – you’ll have the confidence to do what you know will work. If you’re just starting out then it most definitely will not hurt to have things planned out in advance.

If you can combine your ability to face fear with a well developed game plan, there is nothing that’s going to stop you from getting your confidence to the level you want.

Note from Alex: Thanks Derek! Hope that it was of some use, guys. Derek has his own blog called Epic Nights, it contains some pretty cool articles, so you might want to check it out :-)

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First image by Keltic, second one by Chantrybee. Thanks!

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3 thoughts on “Boosting Your Confidence To The Next Level: The Two Things You Need To Have

  1. Victor

    Hey everyone,
    I would add, that from experience, you should never rely on your friends to back you up in approaching any girl or group of girls as they will often not get up to approach with you, and if they do, it won’t seem like your idea any more. Think about it by yourself and maybe tell your friends that you’re going to get the number of one of those girls. The resulting comments should pump you up for it if you need a bit of help, as personally, I kinda feed off of people telling me I’m going to fail. A better idea would be just not to involve the group at all, and go for it; in which case, even if you fail, your friends will most likely be jealous as well as respectful of you as they didn’t have the balls to do it themselves.

    What do you guys think?

  2. Derek Kay

    I think you hit the nail on the head Victor. You’re absolutely right, unless your friends have a history of approaching, you should never rely on them. They’re much more comfortable sitting in their booth staring at the girls.

    Sad, really.

  3. Sebastyne

    The group of girls plan has a few definite possibilities to failure. First of all, girls don’t want to be treated as a group, they want to be individuals. Sometimes guys have approached my group, and asked each one of us to dance in the apparent order of hotness, which is a major turn off. If one guy approaches starting to talk to all of us at the same time, we know what he’s about. He just wants to see if he could hit it on with one of us, so none of us will give him the green light – apart maybe from the most desperate one of the lot, and you don’t want to go with her anyway. If you don’t get your wing men to follow, my advice would be; forget groups, focus your resources… Unless of course you’re super duper hot yourself, in which case I’d say; sit back, relax and let/make her/the most confident one of the group come to you.