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Bantering: Now You Can Get Women, Be Social and Have a Blast at the Same Time

Learn how to banter correctly Learn how to banter correctly

What’s up guys. Today I want to talk to you about banter. Banter is awesome in every way, and I want to show you how you can use it to experience amazing things in your own life.

Banter is often confused with flirting, but the two concepts are not exactly the same. Banter would be defined as a playful conversation, where as flirting is more of a sexual interaction. You can banter with your friends, but you most likely wouldn’t flirt with them.

So this post is not about flirting. It’s about bantering, and bantering only.

You can banter with someone in any situation imaginable. At the office, at the bus-stop, at the party, at a restaurant… Where there are people, there is a banter possibility.

Why banter just works

Banter is by definition lighthearted and fun – and it should definitely be kept that way. When you banter with someone, you are having fun. You are getting out of your head and into your body. And so are they!

This is where the magic happens. You start thawing that natural barrier that exists between two human beings that do not know one another yet. When they start having fun, laughing and smiling, the whole atmosphere warms up. You create less friction and resistance – and as you may know, most people are like water… They take the path of least resistance!

When you create this positive energy around yourself, it will be very natural for others to join in on your conversation, and everything will just seem to glide smoothly.

Before you know it, there will be people all around you doing just one thing: having fun. Now that is what I call magic.

I know this all sounds very easy to do, but you probably also think that it can’t possibly be. Bantering really is easy though – you just have to learn it J

banter show

How to banter successfully (and how I did just a few days ago!)

Think about the last time you had a really fun conversation with someone. The jokes were flying and so were the big grins. Think hard. How was the energy and the mood?

Let me tell you about the last time I had a really good conversation with someone. It was at the postal office, and I was there to ship a big Christmas present filled with sweets to one of my really good girl-friends.

I arrived with a mate of mine, and when we stepped in, we were already in a damn good mood. The postal office was about to close, so there weren’t many folks around.

We wrapped the present in present-paper, and taped the whole thing up. Problem was, I am not a good taper and neither is my friend. To be frank, we’re horrible tapers. So we got some help. We were in such a good mood and the whole scene was so hilarious that we had a fantastic time with the girl helping us taping the thing up because we couldn’t do it ourselves. It was a huge mess, but since all the employees at the postal office didn’t have any other customers to take care off, we got a lot of attention. It didn’t take long before everyone working there were helping us wrapping our present and taping it. It was a huge huge mess, but we had a ridiculous amount of fun.

banter magazine

When it was time to pay for the shipping, we also bought what in an English translation from Danish would be called ‘Christmas marks’. This is something we usually put on our Christmas-presents when we send them by mail here in Denmark, and the price of them goes to charitable organizations. Usually, you would buy them for about a dollar. We bought for at least 10 dollars, and we plastered them all over the already well-taped present. This just reinforced the amazing atmosphere in the place, with the employees praising us for helping the kids with these Christmas marks, etc. etc.

Even though some of the details of this little story might have passed over your head, since some of the things included might have been very Danish (I don’t know how you ship presents by mail in the U.S!), the take away lesson is this:

Have fun. Smile. Joke. Banter! To break the ice, ask some ‘easy’ questions like how the business has been for the day or something similar. When you start having an actual conversation, it’s much easier to poke at something he or she said, joke with it a bit and take it from there.

An example from my little story from before could be that we had taped the present with enough tape to run around the Great Wall of China or to the moon. You could also say that the present would now weigh a ton because of all the excess wrapping!

(I’m sorry for not taking a photo of the present… It really was a monster. It was big beforehand, but when we finally shipped it, the size of it had literally doubled just from wrapping and taping!)

What you need to have success bantering

You need very little to banter successfully. You just a need a good mood and an open mind.

Bantering should be very natural and should not in any way be forced. If you feel that you or the other person is not in the mood for bantering at all, don’t do it. You can only thaw a person up to the temperature in the room, if you get my figure of speech…

A crucial thing when bantering is to not in any way expect any result. The only things on your mind (if anything!) should be fun, fun, socializing and more fun.

It’s really about coming from an ‘enjoying myself – entertainment’ mode, more than a ‘creepy pick up’ mode. If you do so, people will genuinely want to hang out with you, because people always want to hang out with people who are having fun and and make them feel good.

So when I say that you should be open minded, it really means that you should not be attached to any outcomes. Don’t worry about that cute girl too much and don’t freeze up all of a sudden.

banter ladies

When it comes to girls! Yeah baby

The most amazing thing about bantering is that you don’t have to be particularly good with girls to have success with them. They will come to you.

If you banter successfully at a party or at a similar venue, and you end up having a whole crowd around you just having fun, you will be very attractive to girls… Not just because you seem popular and stuff like that, but also because you will have a vibrant glow around you from being so much in your own body and being so carefree and being so happy.

On top of this, bantering will also in a quick way make you more open and vulnerable, simply because you from being in such a good state will worry less about your insecurities and about what you are saying. Ka-ching!

To conclude

Bantering is freakin’ awesome. It makes you feel good, it makes others feel good and ain’t that just beautiful?!

To banter, be in a great mood. We’ll talk about how to get in a great mood very soon, so don’t worry too much about that. Actually keep all worries out of your body and mind.

Joke around and try to get everyone involved. Introduce people to each other. Be unattached to any outcome and be open to anything.

That is basically it.

In the comments…

I would really like to hear a story about when you last were in a really great mood and had a lot of fun with a lot of people (preferably people you didn’t know at that time!)

Looking forward to hearing from you below,

Bonus: if you feel up for it, try introducing yourself as ‘Sexy Yourname’ the next time you meet a girl and you are already in a good state. For example, I would say “Hi, I’m Sexy Alex”. If you are a whole group and you are doing this, it’s even better. The girls will definitely think that there is something interesting and intriguing about you if you pull this one of right.

Images by CarbonNYC, prizeponey, sunrise.seven and Alastair Thompson. Thanks!

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17 thoughts on “Bantering: Now You Can Get Women, Be Social and Have a Blast at the Same Time

  1. JCZ

    Good post, Alex! Bantering sure is the thing one should be doing all the time. Practice makes perfect. I’m getting near the point where I can enter this mood right away, even with people I hardly know.

    Also, in a way bantering can be even better than flirting. For example, you might not want to get your current girlfriend jealous with outright flirting with someone else, but poking fun at then should always be possible – and puts you in a positive daylight.



    P.S. A Christmas present sent by mail, using 10 dollars of postage stamps… wow…

  2. Alex

    Johannes, that’s amazing! And you are definitely right about ‘spreading the love, even though you are with your girlfriend, or someone else who might become jealous if you flirt with the girls too much… And it wasn’t postage stamps, it was these things that you put on the package and the cost of them goes to charity! I really do not know the English word… :-D

  3. Paul G

    Solid post!

    Another thing to add:

    -be sure to avoid topics that people might be sensitive about. Example: don’t call a fat person fat, don’t call an ugly person ugly, and so on. It’s important to know the line between light hearted bantering and hurtful comments. I’ve pissed off quite a few people before learning where that line was.

    My good story:

    Didn’t talk much with my coworkers, but we all went to lunch, and it was all a serious of jabs. We bantered about the resteraunt, and everyone got made fun of a little, but we didn’t focus too much on one person. Nice thing is, this light hearted talk carried over and everyone is much more friendly in the office now!

  4. Alex

    You are absolutely right Paul. And that day at the restaurant sounds like A LOT of fun! Amazing how a single day or event can change the mood so dramatically huh’?

  5. Brent G

    Hey Alex, nice article
    I think I get it a little but not to much.
    I see the idea of bantering is you just totally have fun with people and try to make them do something fun with you.
    But it seems kinda hard to do that really?

    Can you or someone else who gets this give me another example because I am really confused LOL.
    How else could bantering work with meeting new people or a pretty girl?

  6. Jamiro

    Great post as always Alex… Thanks for sharing your tips on bantering man. It sounds like a great day at that post office. /J

  7. Alex

    Hey Brent,

    Alright. The whole idea of bantering is that it should be very easy and natural, once you become familiar with it. It’s all about being very present, open and having a lot of fun. It’s basically the same as joking around, perhaps just a bit more social and flirty.

    Jamiro, thanks man!

  8. Will Zanelli

    Awesome stuff Alex, I like this post. I find when I’m a little relaxed/drunk then I banter like hell.

    You’re spot on about the mood – I mean if you’ve just lost your job, you;re not going to be particularly in the mood for some banter? Most likely you’ll be tense, less creative and that will refelect in your tone and body language.

    I think, in general most people are pretty good at bantering, if they can relax and detach themselves from the outcome.


  9. Alex

    Hey Will, how are you doing!

    You’re right, most people banter a lot better and a lot more when they’ve had something to drink. And relaxing and detaching yourself from ANY outcome is crucial. Thanks for sharing!

    Take care,

  10. Owen

    Ask if it’s possible to ride a zebra- tell her she’s an ice queen if it’s snowing and to quit it. if you’re at the center of attention at a club (and you have a ton of confidence) I always point at each person and say “IT’s YOUR BIRTHDAY IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY, IT”S EVERYBODIES BIRTHDAY”. Order a Bald Eagle burger at a restaurant. Ask her for a number between one and ten then tell her she owes you that amount of money. Tell her you guys should start a Snuggies for chia pets business CH CH CH CHIA! Say things in weird voices (very key)
    It should be said that my game is all attraction and lay, I avoid mid game at all costs with girls at clubs n bars lol. I just make em laugh til it hurts then yell “FIRE FIRE GET TO THE CAB AND BACK TO YOUR APARTMENT AND GET EGGS ALONG THE WAY!!” My mid game has always lacked because I rarely see the point in getting to know someone- it is my biggest flaw as I have a hard time really opening up. WAH WAH WAHHHH sorry I’m a child of divorce! but im also an only child so gimme your phone number! and I want your direct line not your secretary- also give her a raise!

  11. kevin

    Hey everyone,

    Its funny that i came across this article today of all days with someone who wanted another example of what banter is.
    I am going to a trade school to learn auto mechanics and today we were learning how to use a tire machine.
    (used to remove and replace tires)

    About half of my class are phillipino and are great guys, but sometimes there is a language barrier that prevents us from really getting to know each other. Learning how to use this machine involves technique and lots of practice, and proved to be difficult on the first time.

    Being one of the students that is truly passionate about cars i have exelled in this class and i usually set the bar pretty high. After a night downtown enjoying the olympic festivities I was pretty tired and a little green, but still went first to set the bar as a classmate wanted me to. I completed the task of removing the tire and replacing it in about 10 minutes with some difficulties.

    At first i didnt know what was going on. Everyone started laughing at me when i made a mistake and i wasn’t too thrilled about it with the mood i was in, also dealing with ex girlfriend issues.

    Then i realized what was going on. Everyone started planning out their strategy to get the fastest time, it had turned into a race! The class stood in a circle around the machine watching each person take their turns and we all laughed histerically and poked fun when someone was struggling with a very obvious mistake, allowing them to fumble around and make an ass of themselves.

    Turned out that only one person managed to beat my time as miserable as it was. But it wasnt even about who won, the laughter and the fact we took something relatively dull and turned it into a hilarious competition was great enough on its own.

    Today I learned what banter is and found out I do that all the time! This site rocks! Thanks for the seemingly endless articles full of knowledgable goodness and keep it up!

  12. Chevalier

    This actually works well with a theory I had about working a set. I figured that a good way to work on your mid-game would be to tell a good joke. I know a few jokes that people love to hate, you know, the kind of joke that takes 30 minutes to tell and ends with such an anti-climax that people “hate” you for telling it but it’s actually really funny because it’s so stupid. This might work well as a form of banter, I think. Will definitely work more banter into my game!

  13. Daniel G

    Haha! The first thing I thought when I saw the name “banter” I was like, what on earth is that right? Then I started reading and I understood, so I figured out me and my best friends are very banter! We always have a kick ass convo with people and laugh a lot, even in class in college or at the party’s.

    I remember one scene pretty good, me and my best friend named Jonathan where hanging out in some benchs at college, With some other mates, then a nice beautiful girl steps up who I know a bit. And we start talking you know just randomness. When we start laughing about Jonathan’s jacket (it’s winter where I live with a lot of snow) because it leaks some feathers out of it you know. And we are like having so much fun saying like “damn, how many chickens have you killed to get that Jacket Jonathan” and this girl laughs her ass off, then her friends comes too, and suddenly we are like from 4 people to like 10 around us. From then on We start looking at one of the girls wallet with cocodile skin, saying “woot did Steve Irwin kill that croc for you?” Haha and the feathers STILL LEAKING! we are like, “are you going to learn to fly soon Jonathan!? Show us the chicken dance now!” ahh good times.

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