Note from Alex: This is taken from my ebook The Ex-Girlfrend Solution. It helps to lay the foundation for the rest of my teachings by discussing how getting over an ex before getting back together with her can actually be very beneficial to both you and her.

It is almost impossible for me to count the amount of guys I have spoken to about their ex-girlfriends over the years, but it sure is a lot. If I should do a recap, the theme that has occurred the most is this:

Girl dumps Guy, Guy is confused, Girl is equally confused so she keeps calling him, Guy misinterprets the calls and wants her back, Girl finds someone new and Guy is hurt all over again.

This happens very often, and it is a terrible situation. The situation has many variations, but it usually ends the same way. And the worst part of it all is that the man in this has absolutely no power and no control. The girl is in charge, and the man is left to be her marionette puppet.

Don’t make the same mistakes

The reason that I am telling you this is because I don’t want you to make the same mistake as so many have done before you. If you’re in a break-up right now, I don’t want you to sit around the phone, waiting for her call, focusing your every thought on her for the next few weeks or even months.

Instead, I want you to enjoy your life and tackle this situation as smoothly as you can. I want you to feel hurt if you’re hurt, I want you to be sad if you’re sad, but I also want to help you move forward and become a better man in the end.

You have to put in the work

That process will only become drawn out if you don’t work hard right from the beginning on getting over her. Let me elaborate:

The number one reason that most guys want their ex-girlfriends back is because they are scared of the unknown territory that they are getting into if they are left lonely. Most guys are terrified that they won’t find someone as good as her again, or that they are not good enough to get a new girlfriend.

Not everybody knows this about themselves, but when you dig deep enough, that’s usually the underlying reason.

The only reason for wanting to get back together with your ex that I can truly accept is this: You have to be better for each other when you are together than when you are apart. But to come to that realization takes a lot of soul-searching.

It’s not easy. And the best way to do find out for sure is to actually, even though it may sound counterproductive, get over her first.

If you can eliminate the emotional factor in the decision, you will stand a much better chance to look at it in an objective way.

And on top of that, if you decide in the end that you were better together and you decide to give it another try, you will have grown considerably from the process and maybe even got rid of the behaviour that landed you in this situation in the first place.

A break-up is not neccessarily a bad thing

So, even though it may be a twisted thought-chain, I actually think that you can view your break-up as something beneficial and beautiful. You can see it as a chance for you to figure out what you really want, and a chance for you to grow, both as a man and as a person.

If you are able to get over her, yet still manage to fall in love with her again, your relationship will be stronger and healthier than ever.

The break-up gives you the chance to see that she may not be the woman of your dreams. You get to look through the fog and see her (and yourself, for that matter!) for who she really is.

Note from Alex: If you liked this chapter from my ebook, I am sure that you will also find the other chapters at least as useful. Go check out The Ex-Girlfriend-Solution now!

Image by Celeste

Have you ever been in that situation where you were at this amazing New Year’s party, yet still, you weren’t really enjoying it?

I know that I have. And I know why… It was because I knew that on midnight, I had no one to kiss.

And when everyone around you has a girlfriend or is dating someone, that really gets smacked right in your face.

…Well, tonight you’re not going to be standing alone, watching all the other guys kissing hot girls when the bell hits midnight.

If you want someone to kiss on New Year’s Eve, do this:

When you arrive at the party, be sure to be really social. Introduce yourself to everyone with an upbeat energy and be sure to get to know how they know the host, who they came with etc.

When you have talked to a few people, you can start introducing them to each other.

It doesn’t matter that you aren’t the host – just make people feel at ease, and they’ll instantly like you and perhaps even feel intrigued by you.

(A bonus to doing this is also that you’ll know which girls are single and which girls aren’t)

If walking up to “strangers” to start conversations makes you uncomfortable, remember to simply relax. Stay open, keep breathing and you’ll be fine. Take a look at these posts:

• Start Breathing When It Matters The Most and Get More
• Bantering: Now You Can Get Women, Be Social and Have a Blast at the Same Time
• Why Self Limiting Beliefs are your Worst Enemy when it comes to Approaching Girls
• How Learning to “Talk Woman” will Triple Your Success with Women

Pick the cutest girl

Later on in the night, walk up to one of the cutest (single) girls that you have been talking to.

After some small talk, whisper something like this in her ear: “What do you say… do you want to be my New Year’s date?”

And if she asks you what that would mean or what it implies, you can say that it means that you’ll act like a couple and watch the fireworks together “Perhaps holding hands… We’ll see!”

Be sure to say it with a smile though – you don’t want to come of as a creep!

If she says yes (and she will if you played your cards right) you’re in, pal.

Watch the fireworks with her, and when the bell hits midnight, it will be the most natural thing to kiss her.

Voila! A great evening and a great kiss for just being social and charming at the same time.

And by the way, if you ever feel like you’re “running out of things to say”, just talk about what her year has been like or how she would likw the new year to be. Some interesting conversations can really spur from that.

Thank you!

On another note, I want to thank you all for making 2011 such an awesome year. This year, I have been in close contact with a lot of you, and I will continue to do so in 2012. So if you have any questions regarding dating, relationships or the lack of them, hit me up with a message and we’ll talk. Let’s make 2012 our best year yet together.

Have a great evening everybody, and take care!

Ps. Remember that my offer for the ebook ends TONIGHT. To get The Ex-Girlfriend Solution for $19 instead of $27, act now by clicking here.

Vincent Miller: “Your website helped me out a lot. The initial fact that a bunch of people out there were feeling the same way I did made me feel better immediatly. I’m not saying that this cured the whole situation, but after the initial breakup, that helped out a lot.

There is no formula to where we can plug in numbers and find out how long we will be suffering. The suffering is a part of life and we have to go through it to make us the person that we will one day become. You have to look at that suffering as a way of personal growth. That is why I believe that time is the most important factor in getting over someone.

And what does along with time is the absolute need for no contact with the ex-girlfriend. It’s like ripping off a bandaid; when you tear a little bit at a time the pain continues and it hurts everytime you yank at it, but if you just rip it off and turn the other cheek, it’s much easier to move on.

Another thing that helped me out was my career. We broke up a little over a year ago and I had one year left in college before I graduated (including one internship to do) So when I looked to do an internship I looked to the coast and got an internship on an island working outside all day. This took my mind off of everything. I won’t lie – there were days were I would feel sad, however I gave it time and it would pass in a day or two and i would feel better than before.

I was working eighty hour’s a work weeks at a job that I absolutely loved, therefore my mind was instantly taken off of the bad situation. That helped tremendously. Another thing that helped was meeting new people and making new friends.

When I came back from the island I had one semester of school left and moved into an apartment building where I didn’t know anyone. I instantly made a new group of friends and hung out with them all the time. I have also slept with a handful of girls since then which also helps and they are still friends as well.

I would say that these are the most important things that helped me out with this. You have to give yourself time with no contact, you have to do things that you love to get your mind off the whole thing and you have to get out and make new friends. Don’t desert your old friends, just make new ones so that you have options on a lonely night, and get with girls. Don’t just go and expect yourself to start hooking up with a bunch of girls right away, that wouldn’t be healthy. Instead, give yourself time, and when someone comes around who’s worth a shot, you’ll know and you’ll take it!”

“Now I am completely over my ex girlfriend, I rarely ever think about her anymore! It’s awesome because a year ago I was a mess and sick to my stomach to think that I would live without her. Now my life is 10X better; i actually want to be single. I have like two or three girls right now constantly texting me that I could start a relationship with right now but I choose not to. i love everything about being single and this is where I am right now. My standards on women have sky-rocketed, and unless she is something very special, I will not even give her a second look. We might be friends but nothing special. I lowered my standards tremendously for the ex. My life is amazing and I wouldnt change it for a thing, thanks Alex!”

What to take away from this

Vincent says it himself pretty clearly: What helped him the most was to cut off contact with his ex along with experiencing new stuff (both career-wise and girl-wise)

He also touches on an important point right at the end, which is that you shouldn’t jump on the first girl you meet. You have to give yourself time – both to get over your ex, but also to find a girl who you perhaps care for for more than just a one-night stand.

If you’re hurt and think that you won’t become happy again, you’re wrong. I have hundreds of these stories, and I can tell you for sure that you are not alone. It hurts, yes, but you will get over it. If you want to speed up the process and learn all the dirty little tricks, check out my Ex-Girlfriend Solution by clicking here.

As you might remember, I proposed to write a book about getting over your ex-girlfriend, and well, now I have!

It has been a cool process, and I’ll definitely both write more books and update the ex solution later on. (If you buy it now, you’ll get updates for free – for the rest of your life!)

Anyway, check out the official page about the ebook here:
The Ex-Girlfriend-Solution

It includes a video with me talking about some things that you should avoid, and also what to do instead.

Right now, the price is only $19. Just so you know… The price will jump to $27 on January 1.

Check it out right away!

The loss

When we lose something we care for or somebody we love, we can classify it as a loss. A loss is a loss, no matter how it happened or what it revolves around. The differences only lie in the intensity of your emotions and the time it takes for you to heal.

The more intense the feelings for your loss were, the longer time it generally takes for the healing to become complete. If you lose something that you don’t hold too dearly, your emotions hopefully won’t last for too long.

Example: You have spent a few hours baking a cake. When you take it out of the oven and you smell the sweetness and your start to drool and you just want that first bite so much and you have made everything ready… You drop it on the floor and have to trash it. Even though you will become both angry and sad, you will get over it pretty quickly and can most likely laugh about it just a few hours later.

If you on the other hand lose someone that you love, be it a lover or a family member, that same healing process will take considerably longer. It all depends on your exact feelings towards that person, and because of this, there are no definitive answers when it comes to talking about how long it will take.

When you break up with someone, the healing process can take everything from a few minutes to several years. The more intense your feelings for your ex were, the longer time it usually takes to heal – it’s common sense. And the longer time you had been together, the stronger the feelings most likely were. But the way your relationship ended also plays a crucial key in determining how long the healing process will take.

It’s not you, it’s me

If you woke up one morning and thought that everything was a fairytale, but then got the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech later on in the afternoon from your beloved, the shock effect itself will most likely draw out the process. If, on the other hand, you were the one breaking up and you knew exactly why you did so and had thought of it for a long time, the healing process might not be as long. As they say, it all depends…

But no matter what, your feelings and your healing process is your own and it is entirely unique. That’s the main reason that no one can give you the magic words to make the pain disappear and go away.

The process takes time, and both you and I have to respect that. This is not the time to rush through – if you don’t have the time to give yourself the time you need and deserve now, the pain won’t go away and it will only grow stronger if you don’t acknowledge it.

But even though I don’t believe in quick fixes, there are many things that you can do to make the worst pain go away. The pain that you will live with for the most of the healing process is not the type of pain that will make you want to lie sleepless at nights or kill your appetite – it’s more the type of pain which will appear sporadically. It’s realistic that thoughts and feelings of sorrow and remorse will appear even when you don’t want it. Later on in the book, tools will be presented for you to work with to hold these down and make you get over them rather quickly.

In my experience, when dealing with the loss of a lover, the logical progression of emotions looks like this:

Shock - Reaction - Reparation - Reflection

Let me elaborate:

Shock:

This is the phase where the break-up just happened. Your body and brain will try to shut you down emotionally to help shield you from the first wave of pain, and it usually makes you numb. You either can’t or won’t believe that the break-up happened. Objectivity is far away and your emotions are all tangled up and hard to interpret. This is usually the toughest phase, but also the shortest one. The shock phase usually lasts from 3 to 14 days.

Reaction:

After the shock comes the reaction. In this phase you will be very emotional and have feelings of pain, anger and depression. One minute you will shift between being angry with your ex for stuff that she put you through, and the next you will feel sad and lonely and sit in a corner sobbing. It is in the reaction phase where you look back on what happened and what you could have done differently.

Most guys have a tendency to try to analyze everything in this phase, such as reading back on the last few text-messages to see if they could have seen it coming. The reaction phase can take long if you don’t have the right tools to move forward, but with this book in your hand (or on your screen), it is very unlikely that it lasts for more than three weeks.

Reparation:

The reparation phase is the phase that this book will guide you both to and through.

The reaction phase is characterized with you looking backwards and asking yourself questions such as what you could have done differently. But the reparation phase is characterized by looking forward instead. Now the focus is on getting better and moving on with your life. Glimpses of some of the emotions you had in the reaction phase will still be present, but the intervals between them will be much bigger, and whey they do occur, you will be much better prepared to deal with them.

Just as the other phases, the duration of the reparation phase is determined by the intensity of your emotions to your ex-girlfriend. For some, it can take as little as a few weeks, and for other’s it can take several months. In the reparation phase, light is at the end of the tunnel, and you’re moving closer to it one step at a time. The reparation phase ends when you’re fully able to let go and move on.

Reflection:

The reflection phase is not really a phase of a break-up in the same sense as the others, but I decided to include it anyway. In the reflection phase you have gotten over your ex, and as the name implies, now is the time to reflect.

If you neglect this phase, you won’t learn as much from your experiences as you can if you go through it. It is in the reflection phase that you grow as a person and learn from your mistakes, and hopefully, it lasts a long time; at least until you’re hit with a shock again later on in life, if ever. In the reflection phase you will be able to look back at the break-up objectively, and see where it went wrong so you won’t make the same mistakes twice.

Words from Alex: If you liked this chapter, you’ll definitely like the rest of the book…Read more about the book and purchase it by clicking here.

Image by Meredith Farmer

Hey guys, today I am going to bring an email from a woman’s perspective. She asked me how she should react to her old flame contacting her again, and I gave her some easy to follow and concrete advice.

This is the email from Rosalia:

“Hi Alex, just got to the office today and there was an email from out-of-the-blue from my Ex boyfriend who’d dumped me for another woman almost 10 years ago. Didn’t expect to be this shook by this, since I’ve subsequently moved on and am (happily) in a committed, long-term relationship.

Any insight and advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.”

This is my reply:

“Well, the way I see it, you have two choices: you either respond, or you don’t. Either way, it doesn’t change anything. You’re still with Francois, and Richard won’t be prominent in your life. If you think it would be fun to hear how Richard is doing, by all means, do so. If it bears too much pain, don’t.

At least that’s the way I see it. What do you think?”

The second email from Rosalia:

“Thank you very much for your reply. I appreciate it. That is an excellent, wise answer; cuts right to the point of the matter.

Best wishes,
Katerina”

Conclusion

So yeah, my answer summed it up pretty well. When you boil it all down, you usually only have two options: A or B. Depending on which one you choose, you may have to make several choices after the initial choice, but it always starts with just one. Getting that first one right is crucial to taking the best decision that you can.

In this case, both A and B would lead to almost the same outcome. As I said: Rosalia would still be with Francois, and Richard didn’t have anything to do with that.

When you ask the right questions, you get the right answers. And that’s why my answer helped Rosalia out of her situation – we put it into the right perspective. Often the best questions isn’t “how?”, it’s “why?”. When you can answer that, usually the rest is easy.

If you ever have a question or something you need help with (like getting over an ex-girlfriend), you can contact me through the contact form.

Image by Abdulmajeed.

I just got the chance to interview Daniel Harper, one of my friends from the dating and self-help community. He recently wrote a killer ebook about how to use some of the principles of successful poker players to become better with women. In the interview, we cover the link between poker and dating, how Daniel has used his own theories, his thoughts on getting over an ex-girlfriend and what he’s up to next. Enjoy!

The link between poker and dating

I discovered the link between poker and dating when I hit a major slump in my dating life after college that was so emotionally devastating that I gave up and threw myself into other activities to take my mind away from my failures with women. One of those activities was poker. This was right when the poker boom was beginning. Before that, I only knew the basics, but now there was suddenly all this information available–books, online poker forums, etc… I’m an extremely compulsive person when I get excited about something new, so I ended up being one of the few people who could consistently make money playing poker, but after awhile I started to become depressed because I was still so lonely.

Even through all of the misfortune I was having with my failure to attract the kind of women I was interested in, I still felt that I had a lot to offer. So, for me at least, it wasn’t a matter of thinking there was something wrong with ME. It was that there was something wrong about the way I went about attracting women.

Breaking down the game

And so I decided to break my whole “game” down by taking a hard look not just at my actions, but also the mindset that drove them. Clearly I wasn’t doing something right. I wasn’t sure how to fix the problem, but I figured if I could identify what was going wrong, then I’d figure the rest out later.

Then it just sort of hit me out of nowhere how many similarities there are between successful poker players and guys who are successful in picking up women. And so what I did is model what I call my “recovery” after my approach to the game of poker.

The real advantage in this was that I already knew that I wasn’t a naturally gifted poker player. I was able to play winning poker NOT by making a bunch of amazing moves on my opponents, but rather by eliminating from my game most of the common mistakes that other players make.

Having that experience gave me a lot of confidence that this approach could work. Because for me it meant that you didn’t have to be a born winner with girls to find success in dating and romance.

Daniel started using his own theories…

My approach was the entire foundation for me rebuilding my love life. I’ve since refined some of it, so I can’t say I followed what’s in the guide word-for-word, but I definitely credit the poker principles I outline for my readers with helping me find and attract my wife, a lovely woman who’s absolutely perfect for me.

Here’s why: By the time I’d met my now-wife I’d gained a huge amount of confidence–and more importantly competency–in HOW to interact with women that I was interested in. Success builds success when it comes to dating and attraction. And what basing my dating life on fundamental poker principles and strategy helped me do was break the negative, confidence-destroying cycle that led me to be anxious around women instead of comfortable and at ease.

Ex-girlfriend coping advice

If I had a friend who had a hard time getting over his ex-girlfriend, this is what I would tell him: The first thing I’d tell him is to throw himself into some sort of self-improvement activity that’s just for HIM. Pick an activity that excites him, then set some goals around it. For example, if you’re a fan of mixed martial arts, go join an Jiu Jitsu class and set a goal of becoming a yellow belt in 6 months.

The reason I’d recommend this first is to put time and emotional distance between him and the old relationship. A lot of your buddies are going to tell you to just get out there and meet more women, but if a guy is relationship focused and has recently been through a painful breakup, then he’ll tend to bring all that baggage to the dating process.

The clearing process
I think there needs to be a clearing process that allows you to gain some emotional distance from your old relationship before you start thinking about finding a new girlfriend. And the reason is that you can’t have healthy relationships unless YOU are emotionally healthy.

The way you get here is analyzing and learning from your past mistakes, then growing and moving forward. But you can’t get there right on the heels of a breakup. You’re just too emotional to have the proper perspective.

This advice ties in pretty closely to my overarching philosophy about attraction, dating and relationships–and it’s that all of these things are skills which can be improved with training and dedication. Some guys are just born “getting” it, which is frustrating to the 90% of us who aren’t. But the good news is that it doesn’t have to be our destiny. Men CAN have success with women if they’re willing to be honest about what’s holding them back and work hard at improving their weaknesses.

What Daniel is up to next…

Right now I’ve got baby number 2 on the way, due here around Halloween. So that’s the big excitement in my life. I’m also roughing out an outline for a product that specifically targets the needs of men 40 and older who’d like to find themselves a nice woman to settle down with in a long term relationship, but don’t know how to go about it.

What I’m finding is that this is a demographic that gets overlooked by dating and pickup “gurus” because the advice they’re giving is so much more effective for guys in their 20′s and 30′s. I know this because the first thing I do is ask readers of my newsletter to fill out a short survey about their challenges and frustrations.
Hearing directly from other guys has been an eye-opening experience for me and has definitely influenced the kind of content I focus on.

It’s funny, you’d think that most guys just want to hear about how they can score with as many women as possible. But that’s not the case. What most guys want is to find the right woman and stay with her for life. I find that encouraging, actually. And I think other men should, too. The cheap hook-ups are fun, but nothing brings more happiness to your life than finding the right woman.

Note from Alex: If you want to learn more about what Daniel has to teach, you should definitely check out his smashing new ebook called “Stacking the Deck – A Poker Player’s Guide to Winning With Women“. (Disclaimer: affiliate link)

This post is pretty simple and clear and to the point, and if you don’t get it, you never will.

Here are 3 tips to becoming the man you dream to be:

1. Find stuff you love

2. Do the stuff you love

3. Do it every single day

Capiche?

Nah, I have a little bit more to say. But not much.

Finding stuff you love doing is not easy. You may have an idea about it, but sometimes, it can be vague. Find out exactly what it is you love doing, and why.

A really simple example is strength training. I love training with heavy weights, and here’s why: I feel good when I get my ass out of the door and to the gym, no matter the weather. I feel strong when I move more weight than last session. I feel happy when I’m finished – and the feeling stays with me for the rest of the day. I give more to the people around me when I have taken care of myself, and my energy levels are constantly pretty high. Last but not least, I love that I can eat whatever I want without deteriorating me from my goals. I don’t eat like crap, not at all, but I love the fact that I can.

That’s why I train. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not a chance.

Thinking your way to becoming a better man and having a more fulfilling life won’t do sh*t. Neither will trying.

I know it all too well: you start doing something and you feel great, but the passion is missing and the women still doesn’t appear.

Here’s the answer why: you’re doing it wrong. You’re either doing the wrong things, you’re doing them wrong or you’re not doing them nearly enough.

Fortunately, it’s easy to change.

If you envy other men for leading exciting lives, now is the time to finally do something about it.

Here’s a quote from Sean Messenger, which says it pretty damn well:

“The key to your life, my friend, is not what you know. It is not what you think. And it sure as hell ain’t what kind of advice you get from me or other self-righteous egomaniacs who want you to tell them just how cool they are for having this whole “game” figured out.”

So… What do you love doing? Find out what it is, and do it every single day.

Accountability breeds success, so if you’re serious, tell us what you want to do on the forums. We’ll hold you to your word.

Image by Eduardo Amorim.

Trust me, I know the feeling. Several years ago, I went deep down into a hole after my girl at the time, Rebecca, and I broke up on a mutual agreement.

We both wanted it, but when I look back, the biggest reason that I did so was to not look weak and needy in her eyes when we discussed it – which in turn was exactly what I did when I weeks later sent her texts saying I wanted her back. That didn’t work out too well, since first of all, she had already begun dating another guy.

I can’t tell you how many times I have kicked myself over this episode. If I had simply manned up at the time and told her that we should work out our quirks instead of breaking up…

Learn from your experiences
Well, you learn from your experiences, right? I certainly did. Ever since that episode, I have started to stand up for things I don’t want to lose in a whole new manner.

I guess that it is wired into our bodies in some way – there’s no way I am going to feel the same regret and emptiness as I did after Rebecca and I broke up again. I just can’t let it happen.

And I won’t let it happen to you, either.

If you and your girl have talked about breaking up, my best and most important advice is to really listen to your heart for what you want. With Rebecca, I didn’t listen to anything but my ego, which taught me a humiliating and painful lesson.

Listen to your heart

Listening to one’s heart is not easy, and it takes a lot of practice to become good at it. But in the end, it pays to familiarize yourself with your most hidden thoughts and feelings.

Don’t make the same mistake I did by acting on some thoughts that I thought was me, but actually wasn’t.

I see the ego as a part of every human being as natural a part of you as everything else. It sits inside you, somewhere, and lets you know what it thinks about everything, all day long. It is the ego that judges both you and others, and it is the ego that makes you do ”selfish” things.

Learning to listen to the ego without acting on its advice is the first step to becoming familiar with your heart. Your heart is the almost exact opposite of your ego: it is filled with nothing but love and pure intentions.

I think that Walt Disney illustrated it pretty damn well with the red devil on one shoulder, and the white angel on the other. The two discuss matters all day long, and it is in part which of them you listen to the most that decides your way through life.

Identify your thoughts

Every time you get a thought in your head that encourages you to act in some way, try to identify where it comes from. The key here is awareness.

What does the thought want you to do? What will happen if you do it? Why would the thought want you to do that?

Think about these things when a thought pops up, and try to identify the answers. There is no right or wrong here.

Let us take an example:

You’re sitting with an ice cream, let’s just say that it is your absolute favourite ice cream, and a good friend of yours asks if he or she can taste it.

A classic response stemming from the ego would be repulsion or an aggressive response. If you tell your friend no, what you accomplish is merely ”more for yourself”, at least in the short run.

The ego always wants more, more of everything. It places your own needs in front of the needs of others.

The thought of giving your friend a taste of your delicious ice cream is on the other hand a thought from your heart. It serves to magnify love, and to create harmony in your immediate surroundings.

Of course you can give him or her a taste, simply to get something in return or to make that person ”owe” you something. If that’s the case, then it’s by no means from the heart. Only the purest intentions come from the heart.

Learning to identify your thoughts like this can help you not only to overcome your ego, but also to act more lovingly and more giving.

The pragmatic way to look at it

Living from your heart can also be viewed in a more pragmatic sense. By giving your all to the people around you, they will see you as a loving person, and in return you will gain more love.

This is the ego’s way of seeing it, but whenever your actions resonate with your heart, you have my accept for doing it anyway.

Giving, especially in the beginning, can be very difficult, and that’s the reason why I ”allow” this kind of behaviour. If you give money to charity, not to help the cause you’re donating to, but to reap personal benefits in one way or the other, that is still ”better” than to restrain from donating or to not give anything at all.

The voice from your heart will become stronger every time you act on it – so keep strengthening it! At some point, acting from your heart will be natural for you, and in this regard, the ego will be ”beaten”.

Breaking up on a mutual agreement

To bring it back to my original point: whether or not to break up with your girlfriend on mutual terms or to fight for the relationship can be broken down into a simple question: are you taking a decision from the ego, or from the heart?

Breaking up, from the ego:

• If you’re doing it from the ego, you may be doing it to, like I did, to not look weak or stupid in her eyes.
• It could also be to avoid facing the potential stress of repairing your relationship.
• It would be from the ego if you want to break up as some kind of revenge.
• Or because you are too lazy to have a girlfriend, and would rather like to sit on the couch all day long sipping bad beer and being miserable.

Breaking up, from the heart:

• A good example of breaking up from the heart would be to let her go so someone else can love her better than you could.
• It could also be if your relationship is too far from the principles of love and respect to ever bring it back into balance.
• It would be from the heart if you hurt each other more than you are able to give.
• It could also be if she has hurt you in some way where you know that you cannot forgive her sufficiently to give her the love she deserves.
• Or if you have nothing left to give, and ending the relationship is the most loving thing to do, since you have already mentally moved on.

Conclusion

The list concludes this post. Deciding to break up, together, is often the best and most honest way to break up. But if what is being said doesn’t come from the heart, there’s a big chance that either you or your partner will end up getting more hurt than necessary. Take the decision from the heart, and from there, you will know what to do.

And by the way, I am aware of the fact that the “How to get over your ex-girlfriend” is down. It is because it has too many comments, and therefore takes too long for the server to load. I am working on a fix, but perhaps you have to be a little bit patient, since I am not near a stable internet connection these days… I can’t even link to Google’s cached version, since they have taken it down due to the downtime. Sorry guys, I work as hard as I can on the problem!
Alex

Unless you are with her now, every man has at one point in his life lost his first love. For many men, it is a devastating experience that can be hard to overcome. But read on. This guide will show you exactly how to get over losing your first real love.

It happens to everybody. In fact, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had their heart crushed at some point in life. It is more than normal. What isn’t as consistent over the whole line, though, is how the person with the broken heart tackles the situation.

Some spend three weeks sobbing, only to return to normal after a few crazy nights out. Some seem to ignore it – only for it to come back later and sting them even harder. Some act out insanely, getting upset about the smallest things and calling the lost love at every hour of the night. And then some never seem to get over it.

It’s always the same story

It’s often the same story. Girl leaves guy. Guy can’t understand it – what did he do wrong? Closure is next to none. But he doesn’t seem to want to move on… Since she was the best he ever had. Sound familiar?

So instead he does all kinds of stupid sh*t to get her back… When really, he could have had fun with hundreds of girls over the same period.

Get over her before chasing her

In my philosophy, what is given to you is what you deserve. And that goes both ways. That’s why I don’t usually recommend chasing after a girl if she has just broken up with you. Her reason was probably pretty good, and you can use energy more efficiently than chasing after someone who doesn’t want you.

Now, of course there are exceptions. Millions of them. But usually, if you get over a girl, magically, your chance of getting her back gets better.

After getting over someone, you have the chance to take a look at them in a new light and take your decision to be with the person more intelligently. You are not blinded by feelings, like you are if you are heartbroken. And when you have less to lose (read: you don’t care as much), you will seem more sexy and confident in her eyes.

Who would want a crying loser back? Not me. I’d rather go back to someone who has grown in the process, so the relationship can continue developing in a positive direction. Wouldn’t you?

The best way to grow is to get over her

The best way to grow is to get over your lost love, so you can focus on the more important things in your life than being sad: friendship, hobbies, sports, education etc. Amazingly, focusing on these things help with getting over her as you are focusing on something else… and the circle continues, until you’ve fully healed.

How can you know that she’s the best out there?

When a client asks me how to get over his first love, one of my first questions back is usually: ”how can you know that she’s the best out there?”

Often, he can’t. But he won’t admit it. His brain is wired to try to stay with what is familiar, since new = dangerous. But new is also exciting, refreshing and fun.

And I know that she was wonderful. Caring, loving, smart… I get the drift. But I can tell you this much: she is not the only one. Far from it. I get a lot of email every single day from guys who have trouble getting over their ex-girlfriends. And they’re all perfect. How many (single) perfect girls does that give us? A helluva lot! So don’t sweat it – there is definitely not a shortage of girls in the world.

Life is far from over

Your life is far from over. Think about all the things you have time to do now that you didn’t have before. And here is a little secret: most of your friends are probably glad that you and her are through… Now you can have fun with them and get hammered just like you used to, without thinking about when you should be home and what ”she would think”.

Losing your first love happens to everybody. Everybody had a girlfriend once that they do not have now. That’s the circle, folks. But you are getting stronger, tougher and cooler, and the next girl will be better, I promise.

It would be really interesting to hear some of your positive stories about how losing your first love actually helped you in some way or the other.

You go first – I’ll share mine in the comments as well.

Also, I highly encourage you to check out my book called “The Ex-Girlfriend Solution”. It includes everything you ever wanted to know about getting over your ex and moving on with your life. It takes you right from the break-up to your new relationship, and it answers all the questions I get all the time, like “what to do if she wants to be friends”, “how to avoid being distracted by thoughts about her”, “how to fall asleep when I miss her” etc… Read more about it here!

Image by Bethan.