Accept Yourself: How To Let Go of Bad Emotions and Feelings
Ever had some kind of mental thought loop running through your mind, again and again?
It could be about a desire; you know you’re not supposed to think about it, but you still do. You try to distract yourself for some time, but it keeps coming back.
It could be about an ex girlfriend. It could be an image of your naked grandmother you got printed in your mind when you walked in on her in the bathroom. It could even be a song you just can’t stop humming.
It could be anything or everything that you keep denying and suppressing.
Letting it go
Basically what you’re doing when you’re denying a thought is that you reinforce it and make it stronger – because of the fact that you let it have power over you. The thought starts controlling you.
Control the thought
Turn the tables on the denying and follow the words of Jesus:
Turn the other cheek.
Accept the thought! Accept the feeling! Accept the emotion!
Let it take over you completely: Hum the song non-stop, keep thinking about your naked grandmother, cry over your ex – accept yourself!
Don’t deny or suppress any thought or feeling or emotion – let it all out. Suddenly there won’t be anything left.
Cry or yell, whatever you feel you need to do. It doesn’t matter. Just do it.
What happens when you do this is that you take the responsibility back for your own body and soul.
You reclaim yourself
Suddenly, you’re the one in control. Not the thought. Not the feeling. Not the emotion.
So try this out the next time you’re denying something: Accept it instead.
This also works if you think you have a physical trait that you don’t like – maybe it’s a big nose, maybe it’s acne, maybe it’s a scar, who knows.
Try to just accept it. Say to yourself: You know what? I don’t give a fuck. This is ME. And I’m cool with it. I accept every inch.
A personal story of accepting and denying
When I was younger, I didn’t really like my smile. I had these vampire teeth, you know, a crooked smile.
I kept denying my smile; I wouldn’t smile. I always tried to hide it.
But I wasn’t happy, so I knew I had to change things. You know the best way to change things? Turn it all around.
So I did the opposite – I smiled all the time. I said to myself that I had the most beautiful smile.
And you know what?
People started telling me I had a great smile!
And I started to feel great about it. I loved my smile – and suddenly I had changed the loop.
What you can learn from this story
The relationship you have with the world is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. Think about it.
In reality, this is what confidence is all about. It’s the subtle things. The way you hold a glass, the way you write with a pen, the way you walk.
All this happens by itself if you feel good about yourself. Sure, you can “fake it until you make it”, but why should you?
Wouldn’t you rather be a confident person, and have all the subtle things work for you, instead of working for the subtle things? I think that’s a better approach.
Accept everything. Accept yourself.
Just try it and let me know how it goes.
Thanks for reading!
Let me in on your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. I always love to hear from you guys.
And by the way, if you liked this post, you might also like my post Don’t be afraid of fear – make friends with it.
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Top image by denis collette. Next one’s by big golf.
Good post Alex!
Holding onto negative thoughts is almost like a cancer, it will eat you up alive if you let it. Constantly reflecting on the past, especially past mistakes is futile. We have no control over the past, but we DO have control of the present.
It’s best to just let it go, like you said. Don’t deny it or fight it, accept it. Once you accept the things you cannot change you’ll find peace within yourselft and be able to move upward and onward. Humility is like a virtue, sure it may seem to hurt as first, but it is worth it in the long run, cause you can’t keep holding onto things for the wrong reasons.
One must just put things in a positive perspective, and see the big picture. We all make mistakes, and have bad experiences, but that is no reason to beat one’s self up over it. You can’t over analyze or keep trying to think about the what if’s, and what not. Once again, just got to accept things and let them go.
Again, good post Alex. I enjoyed the read!
Sean, you’re speaking the truth right there man! Great comment.
You’re right about the things you can’t change – and yes, we do only have control of the present. Not the past, not the future. Just now!
I LOVE comments like yours, I get so damn inspired!
Thanks a lot.
And to everyone reading this – read Sean’s comment again.
Thanks for sharing the truth with me…at first it was very hard for me to embraces change,but am learning to trust and release the past to my God of my understanding,who show me all things work to gather when you practice honesty,courage,and hope…these three I must practice to receive peace that passes all understanding..with lead me in the right direction…with that said. Trust in the Lord and lean not to your own understanding.
It’s going to take some time and practice to leave my old patterning,old ways of think in the past…but their is hope, and with the support of caring people around me, I can do this..God bless!
OMG this story reminds me of my brother. He has the most beautiful smile, but years ago my grandmother, whom I never think of naked by the way, told him his gums showed too much when he smiled. So he never smiles all the way unless you really make him happy. When he does smile it is the best sight in the world!!! I may email this to him!!!
It’s true that you have to accept yourself totally. When you do you will find love for yourself that you never dreamed possible and others will love you as well!
Lovely story Melissa – do pass this on to your brother!
Nothing is better than a heartfelt, open smile. Send him a smile from me, too.
Thanks for your comment, and nice blog by the way! Love the “always believe in your dreams” image.
I know that some days I feel very confident and happy other days I wish find myself making a list in my head of the things I don’t like about myself.
But I have a little handwritten note on my desk that reads “I’ll make myself happy today”. I’ve realized I can’t expect my husband or children to make me happy and that I need to take control of my own life and learn to make me happy.
Even if that means learning to love my stretch marks and boring cooking skills!
I hope you’ll have more of the happy days, and less of the negative one’s in the future!
Good idea on the note too. Maybe change it with “I make myself happy”? I’ll make myself happy today sounds depressing in some way, like you’re aren’t happy already.
Whatever works for you, I guess, but that’s what I would do!
Stretch marks are beautiful, and boring cooking skills can easily spiced up if you just want to. Boring cooking skills can be quite fun, too.
All the best from here!
Fantastic, Alex. This stuff is key. We limit ourselves so much by non-acceptance. We stay paralyzed and don’t live a full life.
I post a lot on the other How To Get Over Your Ex-Girlfriend thread, and I would say this is my biggest struggle in moving on. Thank you so much for posting this.
thanks man! And you’re very very welcome.
This relates a lot to the ex-girlfriend thread indeed. Get some of the guys over, will ya’ ;-)
Best of luck with everything.
Hey great information very well laid out to take in. Eric
Excellent post Alex, very nicely expressed and advice I will implement.
Eric and Lance,
Much appreciated :-)
Alex, my man – words of wisdom once again and highly inspirational. It still amazes me how just knowing others are experiencing/have experienced what you’re going through makes the hurt dissipate.
Great post. :)
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Although the site is targeted to men who want some quality dating advice, this post is a great insight into moving on and up. Keeping bad feelings at bay, and making yourself stronger, wiser, and confident.
You’re absolutely right… That’s one of the reasons the internet is so powerful!
“wordpress”: Appreciated :-)
I agree 50% , but the other 50% do not agree , i agre that we need to accept the things that happened in the past , its past we cannot change it! but if we have “vampire teeth” , yes 50% we accept it because its my teeth , but 50% i do not accecpt it , because is humam to try to improve and have a better boby , better teeth..etc !! so cannot accecpt it 100% !!
I see where you’re coming from…
But I don’t think that you “can’t” do improvements just because you have accepted the reality or the truth. I think that when you accept something completely, it’s even easier, or better to improve on it.
Thanks for your comment, interesting point of view!
i agree , we can do improvements even if we accept the reality that is not “god”, i undertand you that way of thinking!
For example i can talk about me , i im not muscle guy , im more thin , and sometimes i think i need some muscle ,because i will look better ,less tired,etc..but to not have muscle never put me down or depressed or angry about me, but at the same time ,sometimes, the thoughts , “oh come one Carlos do some exercice, gain muscle” come to my mind ( i think i explain it better this way) so i guess i accept the way i am about my body and do not take it serious even if i i thought about have more muscle.
Well Other times in life things are not so easy!
:-) Alex Great blog you have here
Accept your body as it is, and accept the fact that you want to change it. Stronglifts.com, by the way, is a great place to start.
Thanks for your comments and kind words, do stick around :-)
Great post. Accept own self as it is will build peace on Earth. Keep practicing will definitely bring us happiness.
You are truly happy man. Thank you for sharing.
Keep smile. It would be very nice if your image show smiling face. :)
This is so true!
True, Nassorn, I should put up a more smily picture! I just don’t have a lot of pictures of myself, unfortunately. But maybe I can digg something up…
You’re absolutely right about accepting your own self.
Thank you for both of your comments :-)
hi, im the owner of this blog in this comment.
# JUSTKEEPTHECHANGE.COM « the littlest things. – at Monday 29 Sep
[…] Accept Yourself: How To Let Go of Bad Emotions and Feelings […]
i posted your article cuz i thought it would be a reminder for myself on how to handle broken relationships.
i would appreciate it greatly if you were to remove my comment cuz my blog is a private one for me and a few friends only. thanks!
I’ve been working with a pain psychologist for chronic pain from an injury and it’s really tough – those thoughts about pain are just thoughts, they don’t control me. It really takes focus and persistence to do it, but it definitely helps. I can really see how this would help in all ways too, not just in pain situations. So it’s good to read an article like this that is talking about some of what I learned and applying it to a different purpose. I see so many people around me so wrapped up in their emotions and situations that they turn into dramas (needlessly). It’s exhausting being around them, there is so much more to life! Thanks for a great article!
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this was a really nice post, thanks for sharing.
I accept myself but I have a ton of habits that other people may not like, like holding a stick in my hands all the time. I accept myself but should I really not care what others may think?
I hope this isn’t too much for this website, but I want to try this on me having been molested last year. I am 13 years old, and I was abused, did nothing, and convinced myself that it didn’t happen for a week allowing him to get away. I hope this helps… :]
“The relationship you have with the world is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.”
Incredible words on the balance of life internally and externally. I’ve just discovered your site; I find myself traversing posts and soaking up great articles of wisdom.
thanks..this is such a nice article.I agree when u said that we have to think about it and begin accepting it..
My psychology teacher when I was 1st yr college used to discuss about how to get over things,&he said WE NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT AGAIN &AGAIN UNTIL WE ARE AT HOME W/IT OR UNTIL WE MAKE OURSELVES AT HOME W/ THIS THOUGHTS AND THAT LATER ON BY BEING SO HOME WITH IT,IT WILL NO LONGER HArm us OR TORTURE US FOR WE ARE SO USE BY THINKING OF IT..
u &my teacher have the same idea..I almost forget about that thing that he taught us,,and now I remember it because of u..SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR REMINDING ME..^,^
I really need it now adays specially that my past keeps haunting me and things now are not on the way i wanted them to be.. :(
Yeah, you were right about that. this is gonna be my first time to comment on an article, though i have been reading lika a thousand of these kinds. oh well, i felt so liberating. because i tried the “fake it until you make it” approach but that just keeps me forcing out things. and i don’t even realize i was more confused. coz, at the same time i knew what my problem was, i was faking doing other things. Do you get? Thank you for this article. It’s liberating with a source from Jesus. This is very practical.
Hi , this was a good message to all of the ppl that’s going though things . As far as grades in school and how to paid for housing, that they have on campus . Then trying to find a job . I mean that ‘s a lot to handle , but this message should make them feel better , I know it did to me .
That’s everything I needed to hear. For real! Thank you so so so much. Sometimes we think that we are the only one who feels this. That we are alone and you try to explain but nobody can really help. And after I read this and I knew: ‘I know I’m not alone, someone understands me’ (:
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I like the comment ,you know what, I dont give a fuck….. So true!!!! Thanks!!!
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