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7 Ways to Stop Waiting For Your Ex to Text or Call

How to stop sitting around waiting for a call from your ex girlfriend How to stop sitting around waiting for a call from your ex girlfriend

I have done it many times: I and my girlfriend broke up, now she’s my ex, and I am kind of over her.

I still think about her, though, and somewhere, I still want her.

Not in the way of driving to her place with a bunch of flowers and confessing my love, no, it’s more like I hope that one day she’ll call me and tell me that she also still wants me.

There’s just one thing… The day never comes.

Being in that is place is what I call the “grey land”, and it’s a very dangerous place.

You’re not really sad anymore, but neither are you particularly happy. You just let life happen, and see what will come next. You could also call it drifting.

How do you know if you are in the grey land?

  • You check your phone a little too often to see if there is a text message from her. You’re not totally conscious of it, though. You’re just checking your phone, right?
  • You huff and puff of the thought of you too as a couple again, but deep down, you know that you are lying to yourself. You know that, even though you may want other girls, you still want her.
  • You wind up thinking about her at the oddest times and letting her distract what you are doing. You might be shooting some hoops, while suddenly you feel that she’s nearby and you lose focus and you stop to look around. Or maybe you’re swimming, or fishing, and your meditation with the activity gets broken of and you have a hard time concentrating again.
  • This may be the most common one: you’re kind of looking for her at venues where you know she sometimes goes. This is mostly true if you live (or lived) near each other. And when you secretly look for her, you feel a little ashamed and feel that it’s not quite right.
  • And that actually counts for all the points: you feel a little ashamed for still wanting her. And that is exactly what we’ll work on today. There’s no idea in feeling shame; it’s a pretty useless emotion.

In reality, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It’s absolutely normal to still think about your ex from time to time, to look for her and to check your phone a little too often.

Where many men go wrong is just that they won’t admit it; neither to others or to themselves.

They end up pushing the feelings away, instead of embracing them.

They’re actually pushing away a part of themselves, and that’s a pretty dangerous thing to start doing. The next time you feel a little “out of your body”, check in to see if there’s something you haven’t accepted entirely – if there’s something you still don’t quite believe.

As I said, this issue is very common, so (again) don’t feel ashamed.

The first step is plainly to acknowledge and accept that yes, you still have some feelings for her. It’s okay!

At the same time, you also know that those feelings won’t last forever. They usually disappear (almost) entirely when you meet someone new, or simply when some time has passed. This may be tomorrow, this may be next week, or it might be in three months. No one knows – and it really doesn’t matter!

Because it’s easy living with your feelings, as long as you accept them. Good feelings and bad feelings; they’re all good! Because they are simply just that, feelings.

You can’t control your feelings directly

Feelings are beyond your direct control. So don’t think too much about it, just let them be, and be totally honesty about it.

You may never get entirely over your ex, but don’t let that scare you.

It doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to love again, you most certainly will. It just means that she meant a great deal to you, and that you will never forget her.

Yes, she may have been a bitch (especially when things ended between you two), but despite that, she was and is an incredible woman. And that fact should make you smile; you have been with an incredible woman!

So with a smile on our lips, let’s look at…

The 7 ways to stop waiting and hoping for your ex girlfriend to text or call you (and get out of the grey land)

  • 1. Acknowledge your situation. This is hugely important, because if you don’t accept your feelings, the healing process will take a lot longer and you won’t gain as much insight as you would otherwise. So simply take some time to really understand your feelings, I encourage you to write it out.
  • 2. Make simple rules for yourself. Checking your phone a lot is a common habit when you are in the grey land, but don’t let that scare you. Strength and willpower is all it takes to get over it. Make simple rules for yourself like, “only check the phone three times a day” or just don’t have it nearby all the time. Don’t be afraid to let it stay at home some days. It’s all about getting more unattached to that little device called a phone…
  • 3. Don’t contact her. At all. The no contact rule means no contact; and I’ve heard the excuse before where guys say “what if she needs help” or similar – it just doesn’t cut it. She has friends and family, let them handle her now when you’re not together anymore.
  • 4. Meet someone new. Don’t start dating if you feel that you aren’t ready, for some it may take some time (especially if you and your ex was together for a long time). It’s not fair to the new girl if you’re dating her just because you want to get over your ex: date her because you like to date, and you like her. If those two are in check, the healing process can really quicken up. When you meet someone new, you suddenly realize that your ex wasn’t as good as you maybe have idolized her to be – in other words, starting dating again can really bring things into perspective.
  • 5. Give up hope and realize that it’s over. This more aggressive approach will work better for some than for others, but it certainly can work. Pinch yourself every time you catch yourself thinking about her, and say to yourself that it’s over.
  • 6. Give it time. All healing takes time, and when it comes to love, it can take a lot of time. Give yourself all the time you need, and don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s totally normal to have problems getting over an ex, what many fail to realize is just that you tend to make it worse if you don’t accept it.
  • 7. Accept and don’t suppress. So even though I’ve already said it, I say it again. Accept it. Accept all your feelings, and be very honesty with yourself. I can only guide you to the right road – it’s you who have to follow it. It’s your life, so live it on your terms. You are the master and the only one who’s in control. Use it.

My friend David Deida says that you should rather live with a heart in pain than a heart that is closed off, and I whole (heartedly) agree with him.

The whole idea of getting out of this grey land is that she’s a distraction to you, and distractions are seldom any good. As I have stated many times, it’s perfectly normal to still have thoughts about her from time to time, but when it becomes a problem and an annoyance, it’s time to take action.

It’s possible to become attached to the mere thought of her

Sometimes you grow attached to the thought of her, even though you don’t even want her. It’s like you create this image in your mind that everything will be perfect if you get back together.

It’s just that, in the relatively unlikely event that you actually do get back together, nothing will get fixed. Learn to enjoy your situation as it is right now instead. Be grateful for what you have!

It’s the road, guys, not the goal. Keep that in mind.

And while you’re at it, embrace pain, accept your losses, and move on. There’s a new day tomorrow!

See you soon guys.

Your friend in love and pain,
Alex Kay

Also, I highly encourage you to check out my book called “The Ex-Girlfriend Solution”. It includes everything you ever wanted to know about getting over your ex and moving on with your life. It takes you right from the break-up to your new relationship, and it answers all the questions I get all the time, like “what to do if she wants to be friends”, “how to avoid being distracted by thoughts about her”, “how to fall asleep when I miss her” etc… Read more about it here!

Image by cambiodefractal.

58 thoughts on “7 Ways to Stop Waiting For Your Ex to Text or Call

  1. Justin

    Some of these are really tough to accept. Never throwing in the towel is probably always good for a boxing match or a business goal, but it’s a horrible mindset to have in relationships. But then how would one know that for sure if they always end up throwing in the towel….

    Reply
  2. Alex

    Justin, you ask some pretty tough questions there! Not sure if they have an answer. But I do know that you should always fight for something if it’s worth fighting for – while knowing that you won’t beat yourself up for trying your best and failing. Always remember that a mistake is only a mistake if you make it twice :-)

    Reply
  3. Kawai

    I dont know but, I think Alex hit this one on the nose…

    Great article Alex. We often times hold on to the what ifs and it keeps us in the greyland that you talk about. Hey Justin, I know your story..Very similar to mine in many aspects, however, we have to learn to let go and that includes me.

    Throwing in the towel is never an easy task and at times may seem stupid for us to do..however it is the best thing we can do right now, believe me I think about her all the time and it drives me crazy also..I want it to stop…..I want to move on with my life and I think this article was an excellent piece to hold onto…..

    Thanks Alex for always the great info….

    Reply
  4. Alex

    You’re right Kawai, throwing in the towel can be really hard sometimes, but also very neccessary. As I’ve said before, try to see it as a beginning to something new, instead of an end to something old. Let me know how it goes!

    Reply
  5. Anthony

    I had the same problem once except we were not dating… yet. Both of us were waiting and in the end nothing happened: we both interpreted this as a “he/she doesn’t care”. It failed before I had the chance to do anything and other “stuff” (guys) got in the way and kind of blew it up… anyway

    Thanks for the seven tips Alex, you’ve nailed it once again!

    Reply
  6. Alex

    Anthony, tell me about it! The situation is so common; just take some action on it and be a man next time ;-)

    Glad to see you around here.
    Alex

    Reply
  7. Justin E

    Another Justin writing – this is exactly what i needed to read right now. It all applies to me, letting go is the hardest thing i have ever gone through, and im not through it yet. Shes with somebody else now, i blew it bigtime, have HUGE guilt on my shoulders and I cant stop thinking about it/her – this article helps enourmously, im turning my phone off right now!

    Reply
  8. Alex

    Hello “other Justin”!

    Sounds like a good idea – I’m sure you’re going to be better every day. And see it as an opportunity to be a better man for the next woman in your life – start a healthy habit, get a new hobby, whatever makes you tick.

    Don’t hesitate to send me an email if you have some private questions, or write them publicly at the new forum.

    Reply
  9. Adam

    I too needed to read this right now. Justin E,I’m going through the same thing man, I feel huge guilt for fucking up.

    It has been a year since my ex and I broke up, but recently I have had some of the most vivid dreams regarding her. Not sexually speaking but just being with her and seeing her again and knowing that if I got a second chance, all the pieces of my life would fit together again.

    I agree completely with Alex regarding the acceptance of emotions. But another thing that has become a problem for me and other guys I’m sure is the embracement of false idealism. Along with the idolatry that comes with placing that person on the pedestal of your mind is the false utopia you put your faith in if “only we were back together.”

    Embrace the analytical side of your mind as well. Know that there are endless possibilities in life. You are to an extent the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. This is one path among many that didn’t work out and it wasn’t destined to- accept it.

    Keep the awesome articles coming, Alex. They help me infinitesimally. Regards,

    -Adam

    Reply
  10. Alex

    Adam, I’m glad I could give you what you need.

    You say so many fantastic things in your comment, so I’ll just let it sit there on its own pedestal and do the talking itself. Some of those sentences were pure gold, though.

    Your insight is great my friend – make sure to apply it to yourself, too.

    Reply
  11. Alex

    Great blog guys! I appreciate the realistic, down-to-earth advice.

    Like others have said, I too needed to read this right now. Maybe in the next post you can cover what to do/not to do when your ex does contact you. I’m in the boat right now and not sure what to make of this unexpected “how are you?” from her.

    Keep blogging, we are reading!

    Reply
  12. Alex

    Alex, welcome to the site :-)

    That’s a perfect idea for the next article, I’ll be very sure to keep it in mind.

    Also, thanks a lot for the tip, and be my guest and read as much as you want!

    Take care,
    Alex

    Reply
  13. Stu

    I came out of a 6 year relationship 2 months after packing my life up and moving to her hometown 300 miles away. Its been 2 months since I told her I was moving back home and that was the last I spoke to her. Reality is, I stayed because I loved the city.

    I have 2 main issues right now. I have these days (once a month or so) where I feel the need to check out the FB profile of the guy she cheated on me with. Well I did this week and saw a pic of them together. However, it didn’t affect me as much as I thought it would. That indicates to me that I’m progressing.

    The other issue is the venues thing you mentioned. I look out for her when I’m on the bus home going down the main street in Edinburgh. I don’t know why, its just something I do.

    I’ve accepted my situation and my feelings, and thats probably how I’ve survived these last few months. I moved here for her originally and don’t have any good mates or close family I can confide in yet so its been tough, but I’m taking up new activities in random groups off Meetup and its helped alot.

    Reply
  14. Alex

    Stu, it sounds like you have already made a lot of progress. Terrific!

    But its a pain the a*s when you keep “looking out” for someone. Trust me, I know.

    I think that it’s also rooted in the fact that she doesn’t know that you still live there. What I would do? Tell her. Ask her to meet you over a cup of coffee for old times sake and simply tell her that you still live in Edinburgh.

    Argue with me on this one, because it may not be what you feel is right. But what is also not right is you “avoiding her”. It drains a lot of energy (subconciously) which you could have used in many other and better ways.

    Let me know what you think!

    Alex

    Reply
  15. Justin

    First justin here. Kawai, it does indeed look like we have the same situation here. Thank you for the advice!
    Two things I want to say:
    1.) I have accepted she is now a part of my mind and might always be in my thoughts.
    2.) I know I have thrown in the towel because she is no longer in my thoughts about the future.

    Thanks again Alex for the tips!

    Reply
  16. Albert | UrbanMonk.Net

    Great stuff as always mate! The last tip – accept and don’t suppress – is the best. If I might add just to it a little bit (even though my opinion is uninvited hehe) – Relax into your sadness, just sit down and let yourself miss her as much as you can… and soon it will pass. The more you fight it the more it stays stuck.

    Reply
  17. Alex

    So very welcome Justin.

    And Albert, thank you. And you’re opinion is never uninvited – I encourage other views and discussions on anything and everything I write, so please, don’t hold back. Your advice is very profound. It’s a hard thing to do, but if it’s possible, also often the best.

    Stay strong everybody.
    Alex

    Reply
  18. Pingback: How To Respond and Act When Your Ex Suddenly Contacts You Again » Just Keep The Change

  19. Phil

    I have this problem now where I constantly check my phone and emails for any messages and this is after 9 days of NC. I am always waiting for her to contact me saying she “misses me” or something but it never happens.

    I feel so disappointed but I can’t seem to shake her off however bad she treated me. I know we can never have a future together but part of me wants her to come back begging for me. Is this a power thing i’m having or something else?

    Reply
  20. Vanessa

    yes, great stuff. its crazy how nagging that feeling is to “say something” I recieved the text the day after. ” I will always love you and miss you, im sorry” I relied “ok”. what the hell that meant. I dunno, but it was my reply. and since i clicked send- im sticking with it.

    funny thing is I didn’t love him. I cared because he was a friend of a long time. I knew he was not my type. I did it to have someone to do things with that wasnt just a friend.

    well although glad I wont be planning a wedding. I will be mourning the death of a friendship. and that stupid thing you do when you feel this way….keep checking my phone.

    Reply
  21. cristina

    i have this wierd feeling of hopelessness idky me and my bf have been together for 5 yrz.and hes great our relationship is good but i feel like idk if itll work out sumtimes when i think that everything will work out and i wont think of the feeling that i have i get scared maybe im afraid to let it go because ive felt it 3 times already and ive gotten used to it it lasts for atleast 2 weeks the other times ive gotten over it but idk if i will this time and i knw for sure i want to be with him and ive talked to him already about it and he says we can still be friends no matter what happens but i hate it i feel like im such a bad person he’s never felt that way abt me so y do i? And i h8 the thought of him bein with another girl well i dnt hate it but i dnt like it id be happy for him and im kinda starting to deal with it now i think that our relationship is better now but i feel like im not ever guna get over this feeling.PLEASE HELP! :'(

    Reply
  22. Anthony

    Great article again mate, in perfect timing too. This website has been an absolute godsend to me since I found the “how to get over the ex article.”
    I thank you from the bottom of my broken heart.

    Reply
  23. luk

    i agree with that…it’s hard to explain but it’s works..really hard, you feel like shit, or 4 example you broke up the relationship with her , and the time is passing you know, for one reason you realize that ” ohhh, look my facebook, she is in love with other guy”..and you feel like shit, like nothing….

    thanks for the article
    by the way i’m sorry if you don’t get some words or expressions
    i’m from chile
    i try to write in the good way..jaja

    bye.

    Reply
  24. Jane

    Hello, you have no idea how true most of these things are . I thank you for your help and i hope to forget about my ex.

    Reply
  25. Dani

    HI there! my 3 year relationship ended very recently. we’re the first for each other and i really thought he was the one. i think until now i still do. it’s so hard right now b/c there are times i feel like i’m finally able to live my life then boom! i see something that reminds me of him. we live an hour apart and i get to pass by his house where i used to live with him every time i visit my family. i think about him all the time and i’m getting tired of feeling sorry for myself. I want it to stop! i want the bad feelings to go away!

    it’s so bad that i can’t breathe every time it hits me that we’re not together anymore and he’s possibly with someone else. i know you said i should accept these feelings but it’s too damn hard!!! i feel stupid and weak when i let it control me and affect my mood. but i don’t check my phone for his msgs in fact i want him to not contact me out of the blue. i want to forget him and live my life the way he chose to live his. it’s so unfair that i’m still attached when he’s not!

    sorry guys, the wound is still brand new. i really want to move on but the stupid valentine’s day is coming up and it’s putting me in a very depressive mood.

    but great article, i will read over and over again. Thanks.

    Reply
  26. Sean

    Dani, its “you” time. Your relationship was a small part of the bigger picture. Work on yourself so you’re ready for the next wave.

    I just broke up too, and thats how I’m keeping it all in perspective.

    Reply
  27. JRO

    Dani,

    Don’t be to hard on yourself. My ex-girlfriend left to go back to her home town 9 months ago and we officially broke up 5 months ago. And it still feels like a open wound.

    I know exactly how you feel. She wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but we were definitely perfect for each other. I still am annoyed at myself for letting my emotions and mood still be dictated too by this girl, who probably barely remembers me. She always was very future focused and doesn’t like to look backwards. I agree it is SO unfair.

    Sean is right though. It is our time now. Do you best to focus on yourself. My life went to the crappers, so I am slowly picking it up piece by piece. Good thing is that I haven’t contacted her since responding to her last text on Jan 1. I guess that is the one benefit of having her on the other side of the country.

    Good luck!

    Reply
  28. Sunti (Suntea)

    My ex barely contacts me anymore. I took care of her everyday cooked for her, brought her shopping. I’m in college now and she’s still in High School. Although my University is not far away from my home town I never see her because she started to drive and hang with her friends more often to get over me I guess. I’ve spent time with friends to ease the pain. But recently I’ve gone out partying met some new girls. But I don’t want anyone but her. I know I’m still in love with her, eventhough the reason we broke up was because I fell out of love with her and thought college would broaden my horizons. I wish she would text me or call me. But she only needs me when something is wrong, or has a question about something I know. I taught her a lot since she was younger. But I’m stuck in the gray area, I think about her everyday and wished I never let her go. I’m just not as attracted to the girls who are attracted to me. I wish I still had her but I guess I don’t want to give up hope. Because I know she suppressed her feelings by hanging with her friends. I’m struggling but I get by day by day. My GPA and work ethic has died. Both spring and fall semester. I miss her and I know when we do spend time together playing tennis or something we enjoy each others company. And after that she ignores me, suppressing what we have/had. Honestly I think I hurt her, maybe she’s too scared to want anything to do with me. Sorry I wrote so much. But it helped.

    Thanks
    Sunti

    Reply
  29. Sarah

    Hi guys, hope all is well!

    I’v enjoyed reading the article.. its just great. Im a girl and i was with someone many years ago and we broke..it took me so long to get over it but i guess i am now as I havnt seen him since.

    I fell in love again after that and again.. everything is falling apart.. i dont know if its really me but why does it happen to me? I am a kind person and pure i dont understand it all. I have joined the gym and training to be a teacher which sometimes keep my mind off it but really it gets back to me sometimes. Everything is falling apart but this time I feel i have no control to bring it back.. i dont know if I should hold on or just let it go.

    Need advice please

    Reply
  30. alan

    Hi Alex,

    I broke up with my ex 4yrs ago and I still think of her sometimes. reason was I put too much expectations despite a long distance relationship.

    It was hard at first. I kept myself busy & I had changed to be a very moody person. Then, I realized what I want in life. I also got my family & friends who cares about me. So, I started to value things around me and myself.
    But at the same time, I acknowledge my feeling toward her till now. She was and is still the love of my life. No doubt. We are still friends.And, oh yeah, both of us are singles too.

    I have no idea what will happen in the future and it is very important to me to say I Love U to her while I am still able to tell her. and, I did few days ago.

    So, I always believe that if anyone who still in love with their ex, it is fine to confess. You’ve got nothing to lose. In a way, you are being honest to yourself. That is all matters.

    Reply
  31. Matt

    I want to get back with her but she says it just isn’t gonna happen it breaks my Heart I’m 17 I love her so much. I want to leave her but I just think about her always :/ how do I get over someone I care and love

    Reply
  32. whill

    I’m 18 and its been 5 months since i broke up with my ex girlfriend and she was my first love.but i regret my decision so at first I was texting her if we could get back together and she refuse.we have been dating for 15 months and i love her so much that we have so many future plans.then now she has a new boyfriend.but i can’t stop hoping that we could get back together.i always check if she has a message on my phone(sigh)looking her for some venues that i know she sometimes goes,i was totally at the Grey land(sigh) …but I’m very thankful for this advice.i know it takes time and i’m still young.thanks again.God bless you.(sorry for my grammar)

    Reply
  33. Rob

    It’s hard for me right now real bad I miss her so much I can’t seem to enjoy life without her, I am even opening my business that I’ve been planning for years and it’s like I just don’t seem happy. Me and my girlfriend of three years broke up three weeks ago and it’s killing me not being with her, and it’s upsetting cause since we broke up she won’t talk to me at all, we have a daughter together so the only time I hear from her is when she texts me to tell me she’s dropping her off. So it makes it harder cause I still have to face her knowing that I can’t touch hug or anything and she won’t talk to me. I’ve had three conversations with her since we broke up and everytime she’ll cry and say she needs time, she don’t want to talk or whatever, what am I supposed to do put my life on hold. She can never just tell me it’s over only what I just said is all, and all her stuff is out of the house, I took the rest over there cause I kept depressing me looking at it. Last time she was here to pick our daughter up she says she’s coming for most of her stuff to so then I said I’m taking it likes it over and she starts crying and says it doesn’t mean that but that she’s just not ready to move back in or she needs time again never a direct answer. What do I do, move on wait what can help k owing that I have to face her still twice a week?

    Reply
  34. Seasons

    Best you could change the page title 7 Ways to Stop Waiting For Your Ex to Text or Call » Just Keep The Change to something more better for your subject you write. I liked the blog post however.

    Reply
  35. Tyler Fouss

    Wow this was spot on how i feel! You are amazing, ive been to hundreds of sites and you hit it spot on! WOW you are awesome dude thank you!

    Reply
  36. mathias

    Hi All,

    I really needed to read this. I’m going thorough a break up now and cannot help but call or email her. I did a lot of things that caused this relationship to end, but cannot help but know that I could treat much better if I receive help and get over some personal issues I have. Trust was a big one, and although I “did” trust her I did things that contradict that including degrading her in many ways.This now rots me inside and out. I’m getting help right now, with my trust issues, but she still cant get what I did to her out of her head, and I cannot blame her for that. I want to get her back and treat her the way she deserves to be treated. Im not sure if that will ever happen though….

    Reply
  37. kevin martin

    I cannot believe how ruthless control freaks can be and it is only now that I realise it is a serious ilness and personality disorder.

    I have been in a relationship for 5 years and just finished this 3 months ago as I could take any more of my girlfriends controlling nature.I am gutted but enough is enough.

    We have split up twice before and as usual it was always me going back as I thought I could change her.HOW WRONG WAS i.

    I am a really nice guy but not needy but I was always belittled, criticised, they seek imperfection in everybody and it was me that had to always call or text and it took hours for her to reply. I lived only a mile from her yet she never came to my flat, she had no interest it appeared in what i did yet she said she loved me and missed me certain times. She was never wrong so if confronted would explode in a rage until you agreed with her and after a while I began to think it was me within the relationship who had the problem.

    It was always left for me to say see you tomorrow otherwise she would not call, she would send me home if did not agree with something i said and i could not stay during the week as she said she could not sleep as demanding job SCHOOLTEACHER would you believe.

    I know the signs were there but when you care you ignore these traits to simply keep the peace.

    What it did was make me miserable, supress my emotions, sit waiting for her to reply to my texts and loose my confidence in everything.

    I have now read that these people cannot be happy as deep issues, moody, manipulative, low self esteem but high confidence to protect their anxiety. She even said at times \i was privelaged to be with her and I am an attractive guy.

    I have sent several texts to say do you really want to end a 5 year relationship over trivia.Lets meet like adults and sort it out . No relpy.

    Christmas was hard again no reply to a couple of my texts so now accept really over.

    The problem is now 3 months past i still am in greyland area and asked to meet for coffee as friends yesterday and no reply.

    I now need to adopt these 7 areas to move on. I have accepted it but find it hard to understand that she can be so hard, no feelings and not mature to reply and say moved on.

    Reply
  38. Lynne

    Dear Alex,
    Thank you for sharing such a great article. Its great seeing it on a guys perspective because I’ve seen so many other (same)topics and they are mostly written towards the female sex. My 4yr relationship just recently ended and it is extremely hard, I catch myself every second of the day checking my phone seeing if he would text or call, but then finally I realized that I needed to pick up whats left of my dignity, stop and understand that I need to accept this to finally move on. But any ways thank you for this.

    Reply
  39. Shawn Hansen

    Having a hard time now.. ex and I would fight.. and not healthy.. I know for fact I am not responsible for it ending.. to do a short re cap.. she broke the trust.. by txting a “friend” but it wasn’t good texting it was sexual.. not bad sexual but their was sexual comments being made, and she would go to his house for movie nights and she knew i was bothered.. told me nothing to worry about.. ext.. so I let it go.. but then I got gut feelings like something just wasn’t right.. so new years night.. she was sleeping so I went through her phone and I saw all these text msgs.. and basically we got into a huge fight that night about it… wanted to break up.. but I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me.. and I couldnt do it.. so the trust was gone.. then she wouldn’t be honest with me.. and her communication skills just sucked.. and everyone knows you need those 3 things in order for things to work.. but then she turns the table and tells me she doesn’t deserved to be talked to the way I talked to her.. such as name calling.. yelling.. ext.. but she caused all of this.. I wouldn’t be using that tone of voice if she didn’t do that stuff..

    one thing happened though was.. her licence got suspended and i asked her in conversation like tone.. “did you learn a lesson” and she flipped the switch.. apparently thats something your mother would ask.. not my boyfriend she says.. and she hits me right smack on the leg while she was driving.. she friggin hit me out of anger over a question!!! that sparked a huge fight and right then and there I knew this wasn’t healthy.. and she knew it too.. then 2 weeks later.. she broke up with me.. 2 days before Vday.

    Now.. I’m bothered because who breaks up with someone 2 days before Vday? unless you were seeing somene else.. so I txted her on Vday.. and she told me she was out for dinner with her mom and didnt talk to me for the remaining of the night.. didnt even respond to my txts till the next day.. so now were fighting over txt.. and she wants this space.. and then she tells me she doesnt wanna get back with me.. then I say well we need to do NC.. but then I cant keep NC intact.. I always txt her.. iduno what to do.. shes giving the vibe like she doesnt care at all about my feelings.. I guess my point is.. what a I supposed to do? My family doesnt like her anymore cause shes broke up with me 4 times since early December.. i just duno what to do.. any advice?

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  40. chaibz

    hi everyone im really in deep shit right now, i really want to move on but it seems like i really cant. my ex broke up with me already but still im hoping that she will come back. im always txting her everday and always wishing that she would reply. but she sometimes do, and sometimes we see each other. i really dont understand her it feels like she still loves me, maybe thats the reason why i cant move on. does she still loves me? is there a chance? but what i dont inderstand is she always says give me time, she would always go out with her friends and txt other guys. i feel so pathetic. what should i do?

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  41. chaibz

    i mean if she dont love me why is it that she still communicate with me. sometimes she kiss me and there are times that we even have sex… i really dont understand her. can you help me alex?

    Reply
  42. Henry Tanner

    So many things go through ones head after one has been either been given the ‘I just want to be friends’ or ‘I want to have time alone’ speech from the girlfriend. You think that maybe being friends ain’t so bad, because you’re still in contact. But that’s where the problems start, it’s not a mutual relationship, she wants to keep you at bay, you want more. So the best thing to do is to break up with her (even though technically she broke up with you). Let her go. Even if you guys take each other back, it won’t be the same. There will always be an issue of trust – will she do the same thing again to me? Rather than spending time fantasizing about how you two will get back together, just come to terms with the fact that you had something special with that person and it wasn’t meant to be. If you love someone, set them free. But don’t expect them to come back…

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  43. David

    Great article. I am going through somewhat of the same thing. I am a fighter at heart and took the rejection very hard. Its been about a week now of me none stop texting her that “lets give it another go” and “please remember this, and remember when we did that”… The worst part is, is that it was only a four month relationship, she was incredibly mean and rude to me ( there were great laughs tho). I was incredible to her, I told myself to give this one everything. I would send flowers and do EVERYTHING to try and make her happy. So the issue is that I was great, she was shitty, somebody I wouldnt really wanna be with and I have spent the whole week making a fool of myself… probably because of the rejection… I can’t stop thinking of the good times and fun and just want my best friend back. Yesterday she said that she cant keep doing the fighting and sutff and “its done” So I havent tried to contact her since she said that. HELP!! Does the NO CONTACT rule really work , even if I may have screwed it up with this past week of trying to convinve her?? Could she come back?

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  44. jon

    Going thru same trauma of acceptance. Can’t let go. Been 2 weeks since we broke up. Tried everything to get her back. ALL THE WRONG SHIT, may I add. Love n miss her dearly. Together for over 2 n half years. I understand most of reasons she left me. I DID mess up by not showing enuff affection. My question is Alex should I throw n towel n move on, or just accept n wait for her to make contact. Dunno if this is what she really wants or an attempt at making me chase her, or one of these tricks to c how much I love her. She is dead set on not being interested at this point n time.. this is great place.. Alex pls help!!!!!

    Reply
  45. Leon Grey

    HI Alex,
    Thanks for the great advise…I have a few doubts if you can clear them too;
    I was in love with a girl some 5 years back…we broke up and dumped each other.She married some other guy and now after 5 yrs of marriage she has filed for divorce and is undergoing separation period.
    I dunno why but she shows On/Off interest in me…greets me every time we meet and selectively answers/replies back to my texts and calls. Once or twice I caught her looking at me rather suggestively and in general is okay with me. Though she has not responded or added me to on any of her profiles on any social media sites but offline she is okay. What would you advise me in this situation. Please email me : liquidgray@gmail.com

    My sincere regards
    Leon

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  46. jeffery

    I was in a relationship for 20 yrs we broke up four times and she always ask me to take her back and I did she broke up with me all that time turn my kids and some of her relatives against me made me the bad guy she have no place to go I find a home for her everytime and this she said she is leaving again and I told her if she leave this don’t expecte me to take her back and I constantly want to call and text and she tells me to stop but she is still willing to be she still like to have sex with me confuse one what should I do

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  47. JankinsD

    Two and a half months over, I’m still struggling. I Tell my self everyday it’s over and it will never be anything more than what it is, she is my EX. But she wants to be friends and it’s killing me. I honestly think shes just saying that to feel better about herself. because her actions are completely the opposite. I have never felt so much pain. We were the best of friends and it slowly became silent. I’m the type of person to fight for what I love. but how can I fight for something that has cease to exist. it like beating a dead horse.

    Not a day goes by where my mind isn’t filled with should haves, would haves, and could haves. And yet I keep reminding myself the fact that it’s over. I hold myself back from sending angry text messages. I feel like I’m going crazy. Life without her is unbearable…

    I know I have to make it through the fog or the grey but i am so stuck in it. I have shed so many tears but the rain never ends. My friends make fun of me, they say I’ve checked out or i am just not there. My biggest problem is that I try to suppress like usual but it is not working.

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