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7 Ways to Stop Waiting For Your Ex to Text or Call

How to stop sitting around waiting for a call from your ex girlfriend How to stop sitting around waiting for a call from your ex girlfriend

I have done it many times: I and my girlfriend broke up, now she’s my ex, and I am kind of over her.

I still think about her, though, and somewhere, I still want her.

Not in the way of driving to her place with a bunch of flowers and confessing my love, no, it’s more like I hope that one day she’ll call me and tell me that she also still wants me.

There’s just one thing… The day never comes.

Being in that is place is what I call the “grey land”, and it’s a very dangerous place.

You’re not really sad anymore, but neither are you particularly happy. You just let life happen, and see what will come next. You could also call it drifting.

How do you know if you are in the grey land?

  • You check your phone a little too often to see if there is a text message from her. You’re not totally conscious of it, though. You’re just checking your phone, right?
  • You huff and puff of the thought of you too as a couple again, but deep down, you know that you are lying to yourself. You know that, even though you may want other girls, you still want her.
  • You wind up thinking about her at the oddest times and letting her distract what you are doing. You might be shooting some hoops, while suddenly you feel that she’s nearby and you lose focus and you stop to look around. Or maybe you’re swimming, or fishing, and your meditation with the activity gets broken of and you have a hard time concentrating again.
  • This may be the most common one: you’re kind of looking for her at venues where you know she sometimes goes. This is mostly true if you live (or lived) near each other. And when you secretly look for her, you feel a little ashamed and feel that it’s not quite right.
  • And that actually counts for all the points: you feel a little ashamed for still wanting her. And that is exactly what we’ll work on today. There’s no idea in feeling shame; it’s a pretty useless emotion.

In reality, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It’s absolutely normal to still think about your ex from time to time, to look for her and to check your phone a little too often.

Where many men go wrong is just that they won’t admit it; neither to others or to themselves.

They end up pushing the feelings away, instead of embracing them.

They’re actually pushing away a part of themselves, and that’s a pretty dangerous thing to start doing. The next time you feel a little “out of your body”, check in to see if there’s something you haven’t accepted entirely – if there’s something you still don’t quite believe.

As I said, this issue is very common, so (again) don’t feel ashamed.

The first step is plainly to acknowledge and accept that yes, you still have some feelings for her. It’s okay!

At the same time, you also know that those feelings won’t last forever. They usually disappear (almost) entirely when you meet someone new, or simply when some time has passed. This may be tomorrow, this may be next week, or it might be in three months. No one knows – and it really doesn’t matter!

Because it’s easy living with your feelings, as long as you accept them. Good feelings and bad feelings; they’re all good! Because they are simply just that, feelings.

You can’t control your feelings directly

Feelings are beyond your direct control. So don’t think too much about it, just let them be, and be totally honesty about it.

You may never get entirely over your ex, but don’t let that scare you.

It doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to love again, you most certainly will. It just means that she meant a great deal to you, and that you will never forget her.

Yes, she may have been a bitch (especially when things ended between you two), but despite that, she was and is an incredible woman. And that fact should make you smile; you have been with an incredible woman!

So with a smile on our lips, let’s look at…

The 7 ways to stop waiting and hoping for your ex girlfriend to text or call you (and get out of the grey land)

  • 1. Acknowledge your situation. This is hugely important, because if you don’t accept your feelings, the healing process will take a lot longer and you won’t gain as much insight as you would otherwise. So simply take some time to really understand your feelings, I encourage you to write it out.
  • 2. Make simple rules for yourself. Checking your phone a lot is a common habit when you are in the grey land, but don’t let that scare you. Strength and willpower is all it takes to get over it. Make simple rules for yourself like, “only check the phone three times a day” or just don’t have it nearby all the time. Don’t be afraid to let it stay at home some days. It’s all about getting more unattached to that little device called a phone…
  • 3. Don’t contact her. At all. The no contact rule means no contact; and I’ve heard the excuse before where guys say “what if she needs help” or similar – it just doesn’t cut it. She has friends and family, let them handle her now when you’re not together anymore.
  • 4. Meet someone new. Don’t start dating if you feel that you aren’t ready, for some it may take some time (especially if you and your ex was together for a long time). It’s not fair to the new girl if you’re dating her just because you want to get over your ex: date her because you like to date, and you like her. If those two are in check, the healing process can really quicken up. When you meet someone new, you suddenly realize that your ex wasn’t as good as you maybe have idolized her to be – in other words, starting dating again can really bring things into perspective.
  • 5. Give up hope and realize that it’s over. This more aggressive approach will work better for some than for others, but it certainly can work. Pinch yourself every time you catch yourself thinking about her, and say to yourself that it’s over.
  • 6. Give it time. All healing takes time, and when it comes to love, it can take a lot of time. Give yourself all the time you need, and don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s totally normal to have problems getting over an ex, what many fail to realize is just that you tend to make it worse if you don’t accept it.
  • 7. Accept and don’t suppress. So even though I’ve already said it, I say it again. Accept it. Accept all your feelings, and be very honesty with yourself. I can only guide you to the right road – it’s you who have to follow it. It’s your life, so live it on your terms. You are the master and the only one who’s in control. Use it.

My friend David Deida says that you should rather live with a heart in pain than a heart that is closed off, and I whole (heartedly) agree with him.

The whole idea of getting out of this grey land is that she’s a distraction to you, and distractions are seldom any good. As I have stated many times, it’s perfectly normal to still have thoughts about her from time to time, but when it becomes a problem and an annoyance, it’s time to take action.

It’s possible to become attached to the mere thought of her

Sometimes you grow attached to the thought of her, even though you don’t even want her. It’s like you create this image in your mind that everything will be perfect if you get back together.

It’s just that, in the relatively unlikely event that you actually do get back together, nothing will get fixed. Learn to enjoy your situation as it is right now instead. Be grateful for what you have!

It’s the road, guys, not the goal. Keep that in mind.

And while you’re at it, embrace pain, accept your losses, and move on. There’s a new day tomorrow!

See you soon guys.

Your friend in love and pain,
Alex Kay

Also, I highly encourage you to check out my book called “The Ex-Girlfriend Solution”. It includes everything you ever wanted to know about getting over your ex and moving on with your life. It takes you right from the break-up to your new relationship, and it answers all the questions I get all the time, like “what to do if she wants to be friends”, “how to avoid being distracted by thoughts about her”, “how to fall asleep when I miss her” etc… Read more about it here!

Image by cambiodefractal.

56 thoughts on “7 Ways to Stop Waiting For Your Ex to Text or Call

  1. Gerald

    But what if the other person loves you too? I say you SHOULD contact him or her and let him/her know how YOU feel. Because miscommunication is the root cause of most breakups! Then walk away and follow the advice above of no contact. Unless he or she contacts you back and tells you that the feeling is mutual.

    This has happened to me, and it does put you on a different path…a new door that may lead to happiness.

    Reply
  2. jingxiamnh

    Extremely great post. Id like to use some of this info on my blog in the event you dont mind, and Ill offer a link back to your website. Ill also be subscring to your blogs RSS feed.

    Reply
  3. Guy

    After 2 months of blaming my self for what I did or didn’t do in 7+ year meaningful relationship, I’m finally on the other side of the wall and its wide open (a few scrapes and bruises, ego etc). I definitely was a participant in the structural failures of our relationship therefore I believed we could fix these problems together, (together never came). When my EX girlfriend was conflicted between me and space for 6+ weeks, well, its time to move on because she knew exactly what she wanted. She deserves happiness and I hope she found it finds herself well. Add another 2 months of no contact and it became very clear to me why I’m over the wall. In other words, being dumped comes in many disguises. So if she still loves me, its not strong enough nor worthy of climbing back — I’ll keep moving forward.

    The loss of my lover, my best friend and her family is still a powerful emotion over me however, I’m a better person for it all including gratefulness! The path on this side of the wall is still cloudy with a chance of tears but ray’s of sunlight peak through. I’ll never stop loving her nor will I forget… I’ll just deal with it in different ways as it washes to shore. The time has come to take off the shoes and feel it as I walk.

    Things could always be worse, I have my health, family, friends a good job… … Its amazing how many women are out there with the same circumstances– the future is bright!

    There is a price we pay for vulnerability, it sometimes very very painful…I believe without it, we limit our chances for joy and happiness.

    ~Peace

    Reply
  4. Jenna

    Getting over an ex is difficult- especially if the ex is someone with whom you had intended to spend the rest of your life. However, as with everthing, God can (and does) heal all wounds in time. But, that is only if you are truly willing to let go and are open to new possibilities.
    I know I will someday love again- I know this and am as sure as I am of the nose on my face. Just because I cannot see it perfectly (as it would be impossible unless I look in a mirror), I know it is there.
    I have had some fun dating. I have met some interesting men and some genuninely disappointing guys (many of you know the difference :)
    I have set some rules for myself- 1. no one is perfect, thus no one can fulfill all my expecations.
    2.- no one is the same nore wil treat me the same as the man to whom I had been married and is the father of my children. It is unfair to compare.
    3.- I deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. If the man with whom I am with is unable or incapable of appreciating me for the woman I am, I cut the losses and move on.
    In my opinion, they have become exes for a reason.

    Reply
  5. Laurie

    This applies so well to my situation, though I am a woman trying to get over a guy. Your advice is balanced, wise and compassionate. Very well spoken, THANK YOU!

    Reply
  6. jessica

    Dear Master spencer

    I just want to take a few moments to personally thank you for helping me bring back my husband to me and his family. About eight months ago, I discovered that my husband of 11 years was having an affair with my next door neighbor and so called friend of five years.
    When I found out about this affair, I approached him and he did confessed that he and She was having an affair and that he loved her and wanted to end our marriage and be with her.I was so devastated that I had to be hospitalized for a nervous breakdown. When I got better, I decided to go online and look for someone very good to help me. for a surprised! I was ripped off by many so called Psychics and Voodoo workers who all they did was to take my money with no results.Then one day, I saw your coment and was impressed by what you said ,but I was more impressed with the news reporter who was impressed by you and the fact he pointed out how many of your rivals were so jealous of you and spreading lies about you.
    You just responded by simply saying, poof is in the tasting. That was when I made up my mind to contact you and I am so glad I did. After 21 days my husband had a big nasty fight with that woman and he called me from jail to get him out.
    He told me that he was sorry and to please take him back. After having a few days of seriously talking we are now a happy family. I thank God for you each day for you and my family.
    I want you to put this letter on your website, because I am shocked at the lies these other so called Psychics are doing to other people.
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    Jessica

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