Just Keep The Change Logo

7 Tips to Keep the Spark in the Relationship and Stop It From Ending

How to keep your relationship sexy and exciting How to keep your relationship sexy and exciting

After being in a relationship for a while, many guys (and girls too, for that matter) have a tendency to take things for granted. When you stop being as excited about your girl as you where when you first met her, it is the beginning of the end.

I have a theory that in every single moment of every single day, the attraction between you and your girl either increases or decreases. Small fluctuations are perfectly fine. Liking each other more every single day is impossible. It just shouldn’t get too low, as it will inevitably lead to less attraction and sexual polarity between you.

This we don’t want. The purpose of this article is to give you some tips to keep the spark in your relationship. Who doesn’t want to stay in love? It’s an incredible feeling – and in my opinion, mundanity and mediocrity is to be avoided as much as possible.

  • 1. Really like her
    The first step to keep – and have – any kind of spark in any relationship, is to really like the girl. In my experience, you have to think that she is more than just sweet, beautiful and easy-going. A great rack or a cute face is seldom enough to keep it interesting. You have to really like her. She has to be special to you. Irreplaceable. Something about her that takes your breath away and makes your heart beat faster when she’s around.
  • 2. Notice the small things
    Notice the small things about her and appreciate them. She is an amazing creature to be cherished. Notice her toes, her navel, the small of her back, her neck, her ears and her birthmarks. Learn to love them. My philosophy is that if you can’t change something, you have to learn to love it. Accept every single part of her as a part of something beautiful and lovely. Notice the way she moves, the way her lips form her words, the way her hair sways in the wind. Start to appreciate the details, and don’t be shy of telling her. If you like the way her cheeks blossom, put it into words. Smile with her, and then kiss her.
  • 3. Give more than you take
    It is very important to give more to the relationship than you take. Be present when you are with her and give her your masculine gift as much as you possibly can. I first stumbled over the concept of the masculine gift in David Deida’s ”The Superior Man”. It’s a phrase that covers the gift that you, as a masculine man, can give to the world. It includes decisiveness, purpose and strength. When she is closing down emotionally, you have the ability to help her by opening her into love. Lift her up, spin her around and kiss her. It is when she seems most dark she needs you the most. Aspire to keep her blossoming and dissolving in love.
  • 4. Make each other better
    For any relationship to stay interesting and relevant, you have to make each other better. This ties in with giving more than you take. You offer her your masculine gift, and she offers your her feminine gift. Appreciate the way she is able to soothe your mind after a hard day at work, or the way she inspires you to live your life fully. If she doesn’t offer you anything of value, why stay together?
  • 5. Keep it sexy
    Keep it sexy. Keeping it sexy is mainly about taking initiative. Don’t be afraid of making any moment a sexual one. Feel through her when you nibble her ear and whisper to her that you want her right now. You seducing her is in one way or the other the reason you are together – so don’t forget to keep doing it. Offer her a massage once in a while. Even if you don’t feel like massaging her for an hour straight, doing things like that which requires an extraordinary effort can really keep things hot. Invest in her, and she will invest in you. When she arrives home from a stressful day, guide her to the bathtub and soak her in warm water, while serenading her with a slow song you have learned on guitar. When you do stuff like buying her a birthday present, give it some thought. Don’t just give her the first and best thing that pops into your mind.
  • 6. Remember why you fell in love with her
    This one doesn’t even need much wording. Think back to when you first met – why do you even like this girl? Try to see the same things now that you did back then. Talk with her about the first time you kissed or the first time you danced, and try to evoke some of the same old feelings you used to have.
  • 7. Don’t focus your life on her
    A mistake many guys do when they settle is that they lose their edge. Don’t stop seeing your friends. Don’t stop working out. Don’t stop giving it your all when it comes to your career. Don’t lose your hobbies. In fact, don’t change. Keep doing the things that turn you on – and don’t focus your life on her. Remember your purpose and go with that. Deep down your woman knows that she can’t be the most important thing in your life. Your purpose has to come before her, or you will both be dissatisfied in the long run.


The conclusion to all this is that when you find a great, or more than great, girl, and you want to stay with her, it takes a little effort. As everything else worth collecting. Do the small extra things for her, appreciate her fully and don’t take her for granted. On top of that, keep your life interesting and don’t lose your edge.

These are my best tips. Now I would like to know what you do to keep your relationships interesting and sexy? If you would be so kind, leave a comment and tell me!

Image by Alex Dram.

Get Your Ex Back

14 thoughts on “7 Tips to Keep the Spark in the Relationship and Stop It From Ending

  1. Tuplad

    Lol @ the guy before me.

    I love the article mate. I’ve fallen for that trap multiple times and I’m just starting to see through it. Laziness is a bitch though.

  2. Alex Kay Post author

    Thanks Tommy.

    And yeah Tuplad, laziness is a bitch. The trick is to just do something, even if it starts with just getting out of bed. Build momentum from anything!

    Focusing your life on a girl often means that your life will suck if she ever dumps you. On the other hand, you will probably learn a lot of from that. I hope you won’t make that mistake twice Garcia :-)

  3. David

    Getting out of shape means you will get stressed in a relation, your girl will feel that and you will feel that she feels it. You always need to be in good shape from inside and outside, so that you feel secure about yourself. Woman’s like that (not to much of course). BUT i got also lazy and i got also out of shape i was struggling and she felt that, when she broke up with me i even felt more insecure and lost.

    But then remember how you where when you first met that girl. Work on that. I got her back (lost her again but thats a whole other story)

    So this article cannot be more true! Keep up the good articles!

  4. Phil

    I like the concept “masculine gift.” Never thought about a man’s strengths in that way. I’d like to learn more about our masculine gift.

  5. Marcus


    Awsomeness, great post here dude… Very very relevant to my life.

    As a side note: damn you, I was just starting a blog like this myself… :)

    Great work, I’d like to add you to my blogroll someday!

  6. Ryan

    Hey Alex,

    How you been? It’s been a while. I was just checking in on your site when I noticed that you have what look to be some spammy links at the end of your right sidebar. It might be hurting your seo ranking.

    Take it easy,


  7. Bellaisa

    I have to say that #2 – ‘Notice the small things about her and appreciate them.’ is huge. I love to notice and cherish the things that make him unique. And I also like to praise him for his talents and uniqueness.

    For instance, I always notice how great he is at the things he does and I don’t hesitate to tell him. More than a few times I’ve told him that his cooking is fabulous (which it is) and he has wanted to impress me with his cooking every day since I first mentioned it. He feels good about it and it’s only improved our relationship.