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6 Things I’ve Learned About Women and Life in the Past 3 Years

Women, love and life Women, love and life

During the last three years I have learned a lot. Looking back, I am a much happier man today than I was back then.

My journey has been long, and yet I am still travelling. That is the beauty of life.
Today I want to share with you six of the things that I have learned. Apply what you feel fit, and I am sure that it will make a profound change in your life.

First of all…

Pick her with care

Choosing the right woman to be with is perhaps the most important task of all. A mistake I see guys making all the time is settling. I know you don’t, but a lot of guys do.

The scenario looks something like this: guy talks with a couple of different girls, maybe even takes them on dates. He kinda likes four of them, two of them are a little more interesting. Time passes and he ends up with one of the interesting one’s. What went wrong is that he actually liked a girl better right from the start – he just didn’t go out with her at all.

So my advice is this: see as many girls as you like, I won’t comment on that (just yet…) but don’t pick a girl out from your options, that way you are definitely settling. Pick a girl that you know does something for you in a real way. She challenges you, makes you think, and even though it sounds cliché, makes you want to be a better man. These are the real keepers, son. Find yourself a girl like this, and no matter what you go through with her, no matter what happens, in your heart you will know that it was all worth it.

Trust your instincts and listen to yourself

This one is absolutely critical to everything else. For you to be a strong, healthy and happy man, you must learn how to trust yourself and follow your instincts. You have to develop a trust in your abilities, and you have to be honest about them.

Whenever you’re in doubt, take a time-out and think it over. Really listen to your thoughts, and at the same time, know that your thoughts are just that – thoughts. They are not you. The concept of you is something much deeper. Get to know that person well, and you will always do what is best for you.

You made the right decision

Don’t spend time regretting things you can’t change, and don’t spend time thinking and being nervous about things you don’t have an influence over (like whether or not that chick will write you back.) Either you wait and let fate do what it does, or you write/call her again and do something about it.

There’s nothing in between. Accept it or do something about it. Everything else is bullshit.
I’ve written an article on the subject here: You made the right decision.

Change her mood, not her mind

This one is probably the most important one directly relating to your relating to women. You have to learn how the mind of a woman works. Not completely – that’s crazy impossible. But just enough so that you know how to handle her.

I like to see the role and the mission of the man as responsible for opening her up whenever she is closing down. So when your woman starts getting ’closed down’; angry, sad, irritated, confused etc., it’s your job to open her up again!

Instead of reacting to her negative emotions by mirroring them in some degree, maintain your posture and keep your good spirits. Tell her that it’s all going to be O.K, dance with her, hug her, tell her that she is the cutest thing in the world or lift her up and spin her around.

But be careful at the same time. Sometimes she just needs some time alone – your skill in this area may not be great enough to help her at the given time. And if you can’t help her through these things at all – ponder the question: why are you even together? If you can’t make each other’s lives easier and happier, is there a point?

Appreciate your alone time and do something with it

I don’t know about you, but too much social activity can make me want to take some time for myself to recover and get back my energy, so to say. It’s important to be able to relax all by yourself.

I don’t care if it’s meditation, playing guitar, reading, playing computer games, drawing or something entirely different.

But I think it’s important to have something to come back to that you enjoy doing all by yourself, and that helps you regain your energy whenever you need it.

Learn to love everything about her

If you have decided on a girl, and you are sure that she is right for you, you have to accept every little bit of her. You can’t change her, so no matter what she looks like, no matter what you would have liked different, learn to love it.

Those cute lips, that freckle, her beautiful back… Kiss every little part of her, and accept her fully. What you can’t change you must learn to love – there is no point in anything else.

Let me know what you think in the comments, and please, share some hard earned wisdom too! :-)

Image by Trey Ratcliffe.

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13 thoughts on “6 Things I’ve Learned About Women and Life in the Past 3 Years

  1. Sebastyne

    About choosing her, or him, for that matter, I’ve learned something. There’s 3 big L’s that we must pay attention to: Love, Lust and Like. Love is easy. It will follow either like or lust. Love is unconditional for the most part, so it can be attached to most anything, even a rock if need be. Lust is the devious one. It can get your focus onto anyone whether you love her/him or not, whether you like her or him or not. You can be crazy lusting after someone you don’t like one bit, and you will quickly think you’re in love with the person as well. But like. Like is the strong one. You can’t fool like. It’s simple, uncomplicated, straight forward, unshakable. You can easily answer this question: Do I like this person (and why)? If the answer is no, there’s no happy future for you, no matter how much you lust after her/him or how much you think you love this person. If the answer is yes, chances are that both love and lust follows. In any case, without like you have nothing. Screw love and lust, they lead you astray. Like will never fail you.

  2. Carlos Xuma

    You are right on. Thank you for sharing what you have experienced and learned. It will be really helpful to understand women. So when you do choose the right woman, you are prepared.

  3. Alex Kay Post author

    Hey Sebastyne! That was beautiful and really resonated with me. You’re right – if you do not ‘like’ the person, it won’t work. At least if you only lust for someone, you are setting yourself up for a lot of unnecessary drama. Thank you for sharing!

    And Carlos, you are welcome :-)

  4. Tuplad

    Spot on!

    I’ve been a sucker and broke rule #1 once… I’ve paid the price.

    Trying to master “changing her mood, not her mind” lately. It’s been a tough one to do when you come out of a shitty relationship.

    Great blog, Alex!

  5. canali

    in terms of settling and such: one more add-on you might wish to consider: do NOT sleep with them too soon….once you cross that line, you’re hooped in terms of being able to see things clearly and/or staying cause you feel ‘guilty’…been there done that…am soooooo glad at my age of mid 40s that my testosterone has toned down so when I date a gal i’m thinking more with my UPPER head than with my lower.

    lastly: remember this great phrase: water seeks its own level…in other words, if you want a great healthy balanced partner then FIRST become a great, healthy and balanced partner….like seeks like.

  6. Proof

    Hi Alex.
    I can’t stop reading your blog! You’ve done a great job!
    I’m from Ukraine and I have to admit that in my country we have no such good blogs concerning relationships. Reading some articles I made a conclusion that I behave myself as it is written in the articles (more or less, depends on situations). And I have to say that it works :)
    I have a friend, and he’s an opposite a man should be to have a nice girlfriend and good relationships. So I’ll recommend him your blog!

  7. Kenny


    Hi! I have to say that your website is really helping me get over a fantastic woman. I don’t really know what happened, but about 3 weeks ago she bailed on me, gave me my ring back, and left my life. We now have no contact at all. Therefore, I have incorporated the just keep the change approach – Accept, No contact, and stay busy. I know in time i will get over her.

    I guess my problem is in dealing with the “Why”. She told me that she loved me, she told me that she was in love with me, and then she was gone. She gave me a huge kiss on Thanksgiving day and told me “you feel like home”. Then, she said an hour later, “now remember we are no longer a couple” and gave me all of my stuff that was at her house back. Later that evening we had Thankgiving dinner at her daughters house and due to the lack of chairs she sat in my lap most of the evening.

    Right around 8pm, her daughter-in-law’s water broke and we went to the hospital. Now, understand, this gal and I had been tight until about november 16 when we had our first real spat in 14 months. So she told me that she wanted me to be there when the baby was born. So, I went. It was a 25 hour labor.

    Once we got the girl to the hospital, we went to the local walmart to buy supplies for the wait. I thought nothing of it to pay $86 for the groceries and just paid it and waited for her to come out of walmart. When she came out she said “no you remember that we are no longer a couple, we have agreed to try to be friends and not see other people while i make up my mind”. It was at that point that i decided to give her all of her stuff back that was at my house. I said “i think i will just get in my car and drive home when we get to the hospital”. When we got to the hospital she begged me not to go home. So I stayed.

    As night turned into dawn and there was still no baby I decided to go home to get some sleep and get her box of stuff. Since I had fell in love with her kids it wasn’t any problem to stay there and even though we had a few spats during the night it wasn’t that bad. We agreed to take a couple of weeks off and meet on December 12 for dinner to “see where we were at”. The baby came at 9pm Friday night and after watching them clean it and get it ready to go to its momma, we left the hospital.

    I went home to my house, she went home to her house which was 2 hours the other way. I got a text at 1am on Saturday morning which said “you are an amazing man, thank you for all of your help”. I imagine that subsequently she found the box of stuff in her truck because I didnt hear from her for a week. Then we had a text argument and she cancelled the dinner on dec 12. Frankly, I didn’t really want to meet her either. That is the last time we talked.

    I am accepting that it is over. I am not contacting her at all, and i am staying busy. How do other guys deal with the “why” question? I got a great talking to by my best friend last Sunday and he said “it doesnt matter why” but that isn’t really helping me. I can embrace the pain and move on, and I know that I will find another woman someday, but how do I let it go?

    Thank you for all of your help on this blog. I’m so glad I found it.


    Kenny Mullins

  8. ralex

    I keep getting spammed by bogus come-ons from your forum. Today I logged in to the account that I must have created some time ago in order to close my account, but lo and behold, there is no way to do so!

    So, what kind of a trap is this? How much $$$ do you get paid by the spammers?

  9. just my opinion

    Utterly useless post, especially the last part…Learn to love her…Of course I will love her minor body flaws and her getting on my nerves here and there…And you know why? Because I don’t have the money to go and BUY a supermodel, an escort for life I can boss around and she’d be doing what I say (because she is being paid for that)…And not to fight the PMS, mood swings, or occasional complaints…
    I should change her mood? What am I? A psychiatrist?
    She should realize that her mood swings are upsetting me and avoid bothering me when she has problems, that’s if she trully loves me.
    And to answer your question, what’s the point?
    To mate and eventually create offspring, nothing more, nothing less.

  10. john

    These thoughts u say about a women are so true .I love my lady for who she is and never tryed to change her.iv always changed for the better to be with her .I know in my soul she is the one for me ,now she has shut me out of her life and I dont know what iv done .tryed to call her/Tex/email no responds .what shall I do or what can I do