Written on Monday 24 Mar by Alex Kay
10 Good Reasons Dinner Dates Suck as the First Date (And What to do Instead)
Besides a lot of questions on relationships, I am also getting quite a few questions on dates. Seems like most guys handle all the stuff in between the two pretty good?
Nonetheless, today I want to talk about the subject of dinner dates.
A dinner date is the most common type of date in the world today - and that’s both its positive and negative side.
What I mean by that is that the dinner date is very predictable. You kind of know what you get, and the only real difference in one is whether you get a kiss at the end of the night or not.
What you do know though, is that it’s going to drain your wallet pretty quick, especially if you go on lots of dates.
You also know that it can get really awkward, and that the restaurant environment by itself is rather boring. It’s just you and her.
We already have a small list of negative things about dinner dates, but let’s make it official:
Dinner dates suck because
- It’s the first part of the traditional courtship ritual. The boy is chasing the girl. This is baaad. Usually involves a lot of waiting too. And I hate waiting.
- You’re buying her attention. You’re buying her stuff to eat, just to get her to listen to what you have to say. Is it just me, or aren’t that kind of weird?
- It’s boring. Not only for her, it’s also boring for you.
- It’s not a natural way to get to know someone. Do you usually eat dinner with somebody you don’t know? I don’t.
- They’re hard to escape. You’re tied to a chair for a few hours. And what to do other than run when she catches you looking at her cleveage? It’s hard to just focus on the food when you sit down for that long.
- Awkward silence. Do I need to say more? You are nervous and feel a pressure to say something if she doesn’t. The nervousness also translates into your other movements… This makes it very possible to do stupid stuff like dropping your fork while you’re eating. Not good!
- Dinner dates are predictable. 9 times out 10, the same thing happens. This also makes it very hard for you to stick out of the crowd, you’re probably just one boring date out of hundreds.
- Did I say before that you’re in fact feeding her?
- The environment also makes it hard for you to escalate things. It’s kind of strange to kiss her over the table, or to stroke her hair, or to in any way touch her. This usually makes dinner dates very “cold”. You’re just two talking heads.
- Because they’re not fun. And having fun is (for me anyway!) the most important aspect of a date.
Still not convinced?
Well, then you need to read the above points again.
What to do instead:
Have her come pick you up at your place. Invite her in for five minutes, and then go out to one of the local coffee shops.
Talk and just have a good time. If things go good, you can invite her back. If things go “ok”, say you’ll do something else another time. If things go really bad, just leave.
It’s really simple!
I have used this exact same model with tremendous success for the last few years myself.
Try it out, and let me know how it goes!
Talk to you soon,
Alex
Images by seoulman66 and javaturtle.
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you are totally in my head lol - I was JUST talking about this last night to a new friend I made online over the phone. I am not a big “dater” I guess bc despite how super friendly I am, I abhor having to survive a dinner date if I am then finding out that the person is just.. not.. interesting *stiffens at a very bad memory*
*giggle* at your “I hate waiting” comment
I can’t argue the escapable coffee shop :) Handy, Handy.
Agree - dinner dates dont normally work, if your insistent on taking her to one, take her to some really exotic restaurant [I once took a girl - 2nd date - to a tradiditonal Moroccon restaurant, you sat on the floor, shared a massive plate, ate with your hands] - sounds gory but it worked for her..!! She loved it..
Haha JEMi! That’s great! I think everyone has at least one bad dinner date memory…
William, that sounds really cool! I love Moroccon food, and I have been to Morocco several times actually. Sushi restaurants can also be really fun - it just has to be something *special*, and not just the local italian bistro or something like that.
Thanks for your comments!
I never liked dinner dates either. They aren’t comfortable and they seem really artificial. Instead, go to a coffee shop as you’ve suggested, or the park or the mall (not to buy her things) and just have a good time doing the things you like doing, and not just eating.
Guess what else sucks as a first date… movie dates, for all the reasons above except the awkward silence and feeding parts. They’re good later once you know her, but not great for the first time in my opinion.
The coffee shop is a great one, and alot of those places have chess boards (if you’re willing to risk losing a game to her). But I think you can learn alot about her by how she reacts to a game of chess. Some girls don’t pay any attention while others get really competitive. It’s fun to try.
Zack, exactly! Going to the mall, or park as you suggest, can also be excellent first dates. Thanks :)
Jason, I agree about movie dates! There’s just not any good reason to do it. Unless you want to feel like shit all night because she “didn’t held your hand at the movies” or something like that.
I have actually never thought about playing chess with a girl before, it sounds like a really good idea. It will definately show me some traits from her personality… Unlike going to the movies.
Thanks for your comment mate :)
Hey, how about going bowling or shooting pool for a first date??
Hey Adrian,
Bowling or shooting pool CAN be a lot of fun, but it can also be really awkward. These kind of activity dates are perfect for a second or third date, but I would not recommend them to a “beginner”.
I think dinner dates can be okay not the best option but okay.. You can have conversation and learn some new dish from whatever she orders and taste her food if she is down with that..
A good ice breaker for all ages is a video game location.. This way you can compete for a kiss, or something else.. some women love the compition and it’s a good way to show your skills..
Hey Tony,
Always great to hear some different opinions!
Tasting each others food can be incredibly sexy; it’s just not very common on a first date.
Video game places can also be cool if she’s competetive… and if you’re having a lot of fun while playing.
Thanks for reading :)
Dinner dates BLOW! I’m not as young as you kiddies (I’m 43), and I can tell you they get worse as you grow older. Monotonous. They were really when I was married. You’ve seen the bored married couples having dinner? *sigh*
Yeah, I think we have all seen those…
Just talking about the usual boring stuff like they would at home. Yikes!
Thanks for your comment, I’m glad to have a few “older” readers too :)
Hi all,
Some great advice here can wait to try them out. I like the idea of taking a walk in a park as it can be nice and relaxing. My friend took a girl out once, they could not decide where to go (I think they were both too shy to name a place) and they both enjoyed it, walked around the local park for a good two hours.
There is a girl in work I am interested in, I have been told she likes me but i am just building up the courage to ask her out. I have just split-up with my EX of 5 years so it is going to seem really strange.
Do you have any more ideas on a first date?
Jay
Jay,
I am actually going to write a post on dating people from work soon. So I would say subscribe to my RSS feed, either using email or a reader, and wait a bit :)
Or just use the suggestion here: Go for a cup of coffee.
Good luck man!
What do you guys (and girls) think about taking a date to the local Zoo? I think it’s a great idea, what do you guys think??
Jay,
I think it’s a great idea too. The animals produce some entertainment, and you stand for the rest.
It’s a great match, especially if its your first date in a while.
Let me know if you need any help! :)